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Robotchickens Offline
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What I can't tell anyone... - September 7th 2012, 06:07 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So just some backstory. I grew up really depressed and had a lot of issues. I've also been a cutter since the age of 11.

In the past few years, I've worked extremely hard to put together this facade that is literally the opposite of every thing I was. To everyone who knows me, I've become an extremely happy and friendly person who is cautious, yet still open to making friends. I do keep myself at a distance, but I don't think anyone notices the extent of it. I can easily fake confidence and a genuine smile. I' ve also stopped cutting (or so the illusion goes).

Unfortunately, I am not this person. I am still deeply deeply sad and depressed. I think absolutely nothing of myself. In my own mind, I am a failure who will never amount to anything no matter what I do. I am not smart or pretty or funny or friendly and I certainly won't do anything good for the world. I am also still cutting myself. I've just gotten super extremely good at hiding it and I now know better than to tell anyone at all. Everyone thinks I've stopped, and I'll do anything to let them keep thinking it. I guess this is a huge part of the reason I am afraid to really let anyone close or in. There is also the fact that I always get hurt by the people I tend to trust. I'll open to you.... but only to an extent. A very small extent. Enough to make you think otherwise. I have no idea how I turned into this monster. And I don't think I am really asking for advice. I just want to make sense of all of this and talk to people who don't know me so that I don't burst from having to keep up this image on my own.
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Re: What I can't tell anyone... - September 7th 2012, 07:39 AM

i'd say start slow first. maybe start talking to one confidant, and see how that goes, and don't drop it all at once, slowly let them into it so they don't get scared. then they'll be there to help you , and you can move on to other important ppl in ur life
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Validity Offline
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Re: What I can't tell anyone... - September 7th 2012, 08:06 AM

I agree with what he wrote. Also, where does the line from pretending end and reality starts? Why don't you just slowly come to terms with whatever is depressing you, talk it out and then try and make yourself happy, but not the fake kind. I know it;s hard to do, I'm trying somewhat hard to do it myself but it does work some days

But, if you do ever wish to talk, even in small conversations, I'm always free to talk and will always reply

Best wishes,

Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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