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SouthernBelle. Offline
I've been here a while
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Name: Anna
Gender: Female
Location: West Virginia, US

Posts: 1,056
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Join Date: November 30th 2010

Just... Tired of it all. - September 9th 2012, 12:09 AM

My life is making me so unhappy right now.

One of my very best friends found out she was pregnant and told me. She lost her baby last Friday, and showed up for school for a half day, then got sick. I'm immensely worried about her.

The guy that I like told one of my friends he likes another girl, one that I think is a complete airhead. I feel so worthless and alone right now. I used to think I was smart and pretty, but now... It's been months since I've had a boyfriend. I talk to guys all the time, but they all just seem to think of me as a friend for some reason. They never like me as more than that.

I think I've kinda got an eating disorder, too, because I get so frustrated with myself every time I eat enough to fill my stomach, and I cry myself to sleep if I don't exercise two hours every day. Oh, God, I'm so tired and I just want to rest... I want to forget that I'm fat and not pretty and believe that I am like everyone else tries to tell me. I just want to lay down and sleep this evening, and not feel guilty about relaxing for a while. I just want to rest.

I'm so tired of everything. We still don't know if Daddy's gonna keep getting unemployment or not, and there's no way he can feed us all on an $8 an hour job forty-five minutes away, which is all he can seem to find. My best friend's baby is dead. My ex-boyfriend's little sister's in my class now, reminding me every day that he isn't going to be there ever again. My crush likes a girl that I think is horrible. I'm not getting enough sleep because I'm having nightmares that keep me up all night.

My French teacher keeps asking me to read things aloud, and I can't, even though I have the second highest average in the class. I keep pressuring myself to get the best grades in the Junior class, so I can carry the American flag in the school's graduation ceremony this spring, but I just can't seem to do as well as I want to, and it's killing me. I told off my one of my best guy friends because he couldn't quit mocking the way I did my school work, and I moved across the room and told him never to talk to me again, which he isn't, but I feel so damned guilty for cutting him out of my life.

Our county festival is in two weeks, and I'm still not down to my goal weight, which is killing me and making me hate eating even more. Someone please tell me that it's fine for me to rest.

I'm just so sick and tired of everything. And on top of all this, I don't want to bother my friends with my depression, my mom goes bonkers anytime I mention being upset and disappointed with my life, my mom won't schedule me an appointment with a therapist, and no one on here ever seems to answer my threads. Ever. I just feel so alone in all this.

Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.

Last edited by SouthernBelle.; September 9th 2012 at 12:22 AM.
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Validity Offline
I can't get enough
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Name: Jay
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: In the deep, dark, treacherous place called my mind. Oh and Australia!

Posts: 2,459
Blog Entries: 23
Join Date: August 24th 2012

Re: Just... Tired of it all. - September 9th 2012, 12:35 AM

Hey mate, you are never alone in all this.
Okay, addressing the "friendzone" problem. Maybe they see you as a friend because they don't seem to realise that you want more. Perhaps just add a flirty quality to your words.

And when you go to sleep just tell yourself that you want to sleep, tell yourself to relax. Your mind is the most powerful of weapons, it can make your body believe anything. Just keep positive and up-beat and when you lie down to sleep just maybe speak out all of your worries and the address tham yourself, telling yourself someone will come, your weight will go down with time, and that this depression won't last.
Talking outloud, not necessarily to someone always helps.

Hope it helps,

Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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