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thatgirlgrey Offline
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Today is the day. - September 9th 2012, 03:19 PM

I think I'm finally gonna do it. I just feel so, so, so alone. Every single day of my life is a never-ending cycle of verbal abuse, physical abuse and judgement. I don't think of myself as a victim. My mother doesn't, and has never wanted me. I'm the illegitimate child from a previous abusive and destructive (on both sides) relationship, so my life has never meant much too her. Every single day I am reminded of how fat I am, how stupid ugly worthless and shit I am, called every single vile and disgusting word under the sun, slapped around, kicked, hair pulled, pinched, used as a warning towards my siblings that 'mum is mad because of jane, so thank her!' 'you don't want to end up like Jane!'
I just cannot do it anymore. When I was 11 I dabbled in self harm and vomiting up my meals, and when I was 14 I attempted to take my own life but I can't even do that right. I have friends but they know nothing about it. I tried to get myself help last year after I had razored my hip and passed out, but they said I needed parental consent and there was no way I'd get that.
My mom was in a bad mood this morning and now she's taken it all out on me. For the first time in a while I fought back, but I gave up and went to my room and just broke down. I tore my room apart looking for my little broken razors and broken mirror and sharpener blades and I just cried. I want to end my life, but I'm just so scared. I just want my mum to love me.
Sorry, long rant.

Last edited by thatgirlgrey; September 9th 2012 at 03:26 PM.
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PurpleMoon Offline
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Name: Billie
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Re: Today is the day. - September 9th 2012, 04:50 PM

I cant completely understand how your mother treats you but I know its not right. You should have to be upset or even have a bad life because of your mothers mistakes. You have your whole life ahead of you!! What do you want to do when you grow up?

Its hard I get that. Hard to stop self harming and hard toy try not to give up. Is there anyone at school you can talk to? A teacher or another family member?
I’m here for you when ever you need to talk just PM me Feel Better!

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

Memento mori - Remember you must die

Memento Vivere - Remember to live

Carpe diem - Seize the Day

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide
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crying, day, depressed, suicide, today

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