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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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That Useless Feeling - September 13th 2012, 12:48 PM

I know this subforum is primarily meant for people who are considering suicide themselves, but I feel like I have no other place to turn for help without causing issues in my own family.

I have known this one friend online for a couple of years now, and I have seen how he has just declined in self worth and esteem. He never has anything positive to say, and nothing I ever say seems to have any effect.

Just last night he told me he's going to commit suicide at some point; saying it's unlikely that he'll make it to age 30, which is very vague... He's really smart, and has even thought out a mental list as to why he should.

I just don't know what to do or what to say anymore... I need help, or at least someone to help him...

NOTE: I have already asked him to call a help line, and he said he won't...
   
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Re: That Useless Feeling - September 13th 2012, 04:38 PM

Hey,

You've definitely posted in the right place and it sounds as though you're in a really difficult situation at the moment. I think the way you've said that useless feeling really sums up how difficult you're finding this but I just want you to say that the fact that you've posted this shows a lot about you. It's so difficult when someone we know is feeling suicidal, and like you say, you can be left feeling so useless, but them knowing that you're there can mean so much.

It's really good that you've suggested he speaks to a helpline, and although he says he doesn't want to perhaps you could give him a couple of numbers? He may say that he doesn't want them but sometimes in a time of crisis having a number there and knowing that you can use it no matter what can really help.

You say that he's thought of a mental list as to why he should commit suicide but how about helping him to make a list of why he should live? Of any hopes he has? You could even try and help him to look at hopes and dreams that he used to have?

It can take so much out of you being there for someone when they're feeling so low so I'm wondering what support you have? Is there any one that you can talk to about your feelings? If you want to be there for him you also need someone to be there for you.
   
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Re: That Useless Feeling - September 13th 2012, 08:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellie View Post
It's really good that you've suggested he speaks to a helpline, and although he says he doesn't want to perhaps you could give him a couple of numbers? He may say that he doesn't want them but sometimes in a time of crisis having a number there and knowing that you can use it no matter what can really help.


The reason he gave me was that he didn't want the call coming up in his history.
I have no idea how long his mind has been set on this, so I don't know how stronly he feels about not calling.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellie View Post
You say that he's thought of a mental list as to why he should commit suicide but how about helping him to make a list of why he should live? Of any hopes he has? You could even try and help him to look at hopes and dreams that he used to have?


I didn't mention this, but he also said he did have the cons of him killing himself, and he said "it was much shorter."
I don't mean to sound so negative myself, but his attitude has been the same for several months... I honestly never thought he'd want to actually commit suicide, but I guess I was wrong...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellie View Post
It can take so much out of you being there for someone when they're feeling so low so I'm wondering what support you have? Is there any one that you can talk to about your feelings? If you want to be there for him you also need someone to be there for you.
I do have some other close online friends, one even having dealt with their own self worth issues before I met them. I was talking to two of them while this other friend told me this... they did comfort me, and I know I can talk to them.
As for real life I honestly don't want to bring this up to my parents due to past issues with them. Even mentioning an online friend would probably spark up the things I've worked to keep quiet, which is another story completely.....


I really appreciate your help though, and I hope this helps.
   
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Re: That Useless Feeling - September 19th 2012, 01:32 PM

Ellie made some really good points,
but i think samaritans doesn't come up in the phone history, i know childline doesn't but it depends how old they are.
also do you knwo his family? does his family know how he's feeling?
   
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