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Not sure wtf is going on. - September 18th 2012, 03:35 AM

I am laughing historically. I have completely lost it.

My life story. Ummm 0-9 I don't really know what happened there I don't remember any of it. At ten I was a happy child you know blah blah blah. 14.. I lost my friend Kari to suicide. I could deal with it. A few months afterwards my uncle died from cancer. I started to just think about how angry I was with this "god". How he made my life tragic? I guess I'm not really sure how to explain that.
A year or so later... My friend Jared also commented suicide by shooting himself. I had to be put on anti- depressants soon afterwards. About 7 months later... Fuck. I lost my great grandpa.. I'm not even sure how to describe is death. It was.. Awful. Well I started doing drugs and drinking a lot to suppress my emotions. Cigarettes. 3 packs a day if my wonderful girlfriend could buy them...
My junior year of highschool.. I was starting to come out of the drugs and everything. Well.. I had been hiding the fact from my best friend at that I was gay. So I really just wanted to get it off my chest. So I told her.. We haven't talked since. I went back to my friend nicotine and my other friend captain Morgan. My friend britni.. She died in a horrific motorcycle crash.. At the end of my junior year.
During this past summer I started to learn how to handle things well. I was off drugs and I didn't want alcohol. I was just being me. Me and my girlfriend were doing great and we could kiss and hug without feeling like something was coming between us. It wasn't fake. It wasn't a lie. Everything is going great.
August 31.. My girlfriend calls me and tells me that she needed to come over. I was like yes! (I was having a off day) she also told me she was bringing bad news. So I just told her to tell me over the phone..... Sorry... She tells me Patrick has drowned... Patrick is this boy I have been in love with for 6 years. He always listened. Even if it was boyfriend bull shit.. I can't hardly handle this... I have lost 8 of the closest people to me and I am laughing. What the fuck is wrong with me. I have had 2 failed suicide attempts. I don't know what to do I just want sme help.
   
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Re: Not sure wtf is going on. - September 18th 2012, 10:45 AM

Aww I am sorry for all your losses. What you need is to get all the pain off your chest. you need to see a therapist or something. Talking helps. If you want you could always PM me and Talk to me about how you feel about things. Just talking can help.




ďIíve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. Iíve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, Iíve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. Iíve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.Ē
- Michael Jordan


Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
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