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I dont know what to do anymore - September 21st 2012, 07:20 PM

For the past two years I have gone through a phase of becoming more serious, less funny, dull, and kind of sad. I used to a funny, upbeat, clever, creative, and spontaneous person. I had a decent sized group of friends. I hung out with a variety of people and adapted myself to many social situations. Very versatile personality. After graduating high school, I made the stupid deisicon to go to community college. There I met one of my old friends whom I started smoking weed with. I became apart of his circle for the next year or so. They were pretty much the only people I actually hung out. At the beginning, I was normal, funny, my self. Slowly I became more serious and dull. Through this time I was also on and off long distance with a girl I met. Things with her are now sour because of how I changed. After getting out of highschool I got accutane, which fixed all my acne. I have always been insecure. Im short. small faced. After High school, I began to now lose hair. My hair line was receding. I did everything. Got all kinds of medicine. Exhausted all the possible treaments. There is nothing I can do now. Thats when the depression really started. Im 20 years old, with a 40 year olds hairlines, a 15 year olds height and body structure. I have lost alot of my muscle, back to being skinny. I constantly compare myself, my life, my situation to others and It gets me down. I see all my friends through face book now have such wonderful lives, more friends, happy, going places, good personalities. Im still stuck here. Im getting my schooling done but nothing makes me happy anymore. There is so much more going on in my head besides that. Sadly, I am now in the situation of fixing things, Im back at university, in the process of joining a fraternity. But Im not a fun person anymore, so who would want me. That girl i met long distance thinks shes better than me now, cuz shes a social butterfly and ive become awkward and boring and lame. What has happened to me. I dont know what to do. Ive lost interest in my hobbies. Idk. Again, theres so much more negative things that i think and feel that pop into my mind alot. People say its all about whats in the heart but i have always based my happiness and self confidence on how I look. And with my receding hairline, I have none. Idk what to do. Random thoughts of ending it come at night. again, im not saying everything to justify those thoughts but i dont like whole picture of "me" I feel like ive made unchangable life desicions that have ruined my chances of becoming the person i want. Im a zombie now.
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Re: I dont know what to do anymore - September 21st 2012, 07:22 PM

Before, I was able to remember funny things/conversations to say to people but now im just boring. I cannot think. I think thats because of the depression. I am not who i used to be. and i hate it
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