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Wishing for peace - September 23rd 2012, 01:19 AM

I can't keep up with this anymore. Everyday I have the same thoughts and struggles within me. Why did she chose him? What could I have done better to be with her? Why do I still love her? Do I have a chance in love at all? A year ago is when time paused for me. I stopped moving while everything is ignored me. I see the people I used to talk to at school, and all I feel is pain now. I really am at the point where I just want to cry all day. I can't though. I try to but I can't. I have all this inside of me and I can't let it all out. It's building up. It feels like she took my love and shook it up. The pressure is building and I have no way to let it leak out.
I used to feel happiness. I used to wake up feeling happy. Now i have gone cold. I haven't had a good day sense a year ago. I have to see her with him everyday. I have to see the aftermath of all of this. I didn't get the girl. I believe that in this life there is something called equivalent exchange. To gain something you have to give up something that is equal value of what you want to gain. I lost her and gained all this pain. She gained him and she still has me. What did she lose? I lost everything. I don't wish misfortune on her. But it isn't right. I love this girl. I never felt so close to someone before. I am always thinking of her.
I lost the majority of my friends. While I paused, life moved on. No one waited for me. Everything kept moving other than me. A day seems like a week for me. I wish things would have gone better for me. I helped some many people with problems. I got an old friend of mine off of drugs and I helped him move again. Now he doesn't even remember me. I helped the girl I loved with a lot of pain. I helped her overcome all of the odds she faced. I showed her that there is more to this life than pain and suffering. Now she won't let me talk about my problems. No one will help me. I helped all of them, yet they won't help me. They don't even know that I am suffering. Everything keeps moving. I'm frozen in this place forever.
I don't have much left. A guitar and a heart that has been broken three times by the same girl. I gave up my happiness up for her's. Yet, she doesn't even notice the sacrifices I had to give up. She doesn't understand how much I care and love her. I can't do anything about that though. All she will do is say something to change the conversation. It's game over. I don't have a chance in hell. No matter how hard I try.
Today I walked outside and I laid in the soft grass. I watched the sunset. I felt the cool breeze on my cheeks and I felt the soft rays of the sun light hit my skin. I was at peace for a few minutes. I had no worries for a few minutes. I wasn't me. I was apart of nature. I could feel my soul flow with the flow of mother nature. I heard the birds sing a peaceful tone. I listened to their song while I dream about life. How I wish I could feel like that again. To have no worries and to enjoy life. I had that and took it for granite. I had to lose everything to realize how good I used to have it. I am wishing for peace. I want to enjoy life and I want to enjoy my own company. I want to be able to accept happiness. I want to be able to cry when I want to. I want to be apart of that flow forever. The flow of nature. I never experienced anything that great before. All those things that God created. It's really magnificent of what God created. I wish that I could've stayed in that flow. I wish for peace within myself. I can't keep fighting this battle. I'm losing the war within myself. Yet, no one knows about it. Even if they did, I doubt they would try to help me. Sorry for this being so long. I just wanted to share my thoughts and stuff. If anybody has any advice for me to get over her or feel better I could use it. Thank you for reading this by the way.
   
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Re: Wishing for peace - September 23rd 2012, 04:38 AM

Hey mate, sorry that you've had to feel all of this.

Just focus on what you love, perhaps every afternoon just lie on the grass, watching the sunset, maybe even go for a walk in the rain or something like that, be close to nature. Maybe go for a bushwalk or something, learn to enjoy your own company. Go camping or something of which you can do alone. DO something which will take your mind off of everything.

The pain will fade over time, don't worry.

Keep strong,
Jay. (if you want to talk PM me.)


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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