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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Art Offline
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Running on empty - October 1st 2012, 02:06 AM

I made an account here as I have no one else to talk too. I'm not necessarily asking for advice, or denying it. I just want a place where I can write, and someone will read.

I'm currently a freshman in high school, and I've gone through soooo much. I've always felt this need for independence which has prompted me to do many things. There are some things that I have done that to this day I feel too ashamed of to even right down anonymously. In middle school I was made fun of a lot, for many different reasons, though I was generally loved and quite popular. My problem was that I never let my hurt show, I sort of just bottled it within me. Over the years I healed, but it definitely left scars. After I switched schools in 7th grade I started to smoke and drink a lot. I liked being under the influence, but I liked being with friends even more. I was always pretty lonely, so fitting into a crowd made me truly feel better than getting drunk or high.

A few things happened which prompted me to leave that crowd, which brings us to where I am. My entire life I have tried to fit, and although some attempts were pretty successful, I never got that feeling that I was needed or wanted. I was never the 1st person to be called or invited, rather a back up. Though this doesn't seem like a big deal, it has literally devastated me throughout the years. Every day feels like a battle as im facing it by myself; I pray to God who I don't even believe in to just let me not wake up. I feel burdened by all of my mistakes and unwanted to the people who used to be closest to me. I've always put in the effort into my friendships, but hardly ever got anything in return. After three years of desperately trying I've become exhausted. It feels like any attempt of happiness has been washed away - that all efforts in the future are meaningless.

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I have no one go share it with. And it kills me because I know that I have so much potential. I'm the smartest kid in all of my classes, I've traveled the world, I have stories to tell, I have so many ambitions, but no one to share it with. At this point I've just become tired. Tired of trying, tired of moving, tired of living. I'm not suicidal, though. The thought of just ending it is lovely, and always on the back of my mind but I couldn't bring it on my parents. I know that they live me a lot, but telling them about my problems would just be too uncomfortable. I am stuck. So for now I will continue trudging, but I'm not sure how long I will be able too anymore.
   
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Chuuya Offline
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Re: Running on empty - October 3rd 2012, 09:34 PM

Hey there,

This site is a great place to talk about anything, just get your feelings out or get advice, it's a safe place, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to send me a message as well!

First of all, I want to say that you are incredibly strong for asking for help. It's not an easy thing. I know you said that you did some things you regretted, but you need to remember but those are in the past, and you need to figure out a way to forgive yourself for those things that you did, whether it be making it right with someone, apologizing, or whatever that might be. It's not good for us to keep our frustrations bottled in. It isn't healthy and it just makes us really miserable, and I know this from experience.

Sometimes it's easy to feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders, I think almost everyone has felt like that time or two in their life, and it's not a great feeling. But you need to remember, you are not alone, you do not have to take on all of this by yourself. You can confide in your parents, even if you think it'd be way to uncomfortable for you, would you rather suffer in silence, or have your parents there to support you? It might be hard in the beginning, but it is so worth it to have that support, and someone there to help you get through the tough times.

I also think maybe talking to an authority figure at school would help, tell them how you've been feeling, and that you feel lonely. They're there to help, and it's a great way to get help.

As for the friend situation, I know how you feel with that, I have been in so many situations like that, and I still feel like I am not the first person my friends would ever go to for anything. It sucks, but you know, I will find that one special friend who always wants to talk to me, no matter what, and I know it's discouraging, but you will find that person too. It might take some people longer, but you just have to keep your chin up.

I hope this helped a bit, you aren't alone, and we're here to help in anyway that we can. Please feel free to send me a message if you ever want to talk! Take care and stay strong!


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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