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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Isibeal Offline
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Age: 28
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Unhappy Down and Out - October 1st 2012, 05:21 AM

I'm back into another depressive funk, and honestly, I'm tired of it all. I just want it to stop.

I've come to realize that I don't have a lot of friends who want to hang with me, many are friends to my ex first and he's began dating again. Whenever I do end up running into someone from the same circle they'll just wave, say hello, and then ignore me for the rest of the night. Apparently the time we spent together wasn't worth sh*t. I've tried reaching out to other people, especially those who go to college with me, but so far it hasn't been really successful. I feel so awkward trying to make new friends, and my self consciousness usually get's in the way of making them into long lasting friendships. Most days, I don't feel like I'm worth the time.

... And, apparently I'm not very fun to be around either. I only say this because I stumbled upon my ex's facebook messages with his new girl(we still live together with a 3rd room mate and the dummy didn't log off the main computer). When I saw those messages, it hurt. He never spoke so enthusiastically with me and we had dated for almost 3 years. I know I'm not the funnest person to be around, but I guess that's really true now, I'm not enjoyable to be with.

What's worse is that my childhood memories have been haunting me a lot more fiercely than ever, especially the ones of my neighbor molesting me as a child. I thought I had those thoughts in control but they seem to be flooding back into my mind and I can't get them to quiet down. It really sucks because I'll fine for a moment, and then something triggers it and I almost always break down. I want forget those moments of my life, I hate how it seems to have control over me and my emotions.

I feel like a depressed wreck, and I'm tired of all of it. I just want to move on and be happy for once in my life, but my mind won't let me.
   
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Name: Michael
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Re: Down and Out - October 1st 2012, 09:01 AM

Hi Isibeal, i'm Mike ^^. After reading this I can relate, and hey i'll be your friend even though im probably halfway around the world You seem like a nice and beautiful person at heart, and honestly don't let seeing or hearing anything about you that says otherwise get to you. If someone is going to put you down, obviously theyre trying to get you to their level, and so far that obviously means you must have a high understand and aura to you. Making lifelong friends is hard, hey I only have 2 or 3 really good friends I talk to, the rest of the "friends" I have are more or less acquaintances that only worry about their own lives. I'm also very sorry to hear about what happened in your past, but only time can heal deep wounds. Talk to someone anyone, because bottling it up is only going to make the bottle rupture at some point in time. No matter how depressed you are, don't cross that line. There are many that love you and care about you, I mean we havn't even had a conversation but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be sad if I found out something happened to you. Please, stay strong and if theres anything, and I mean anything you need from me or need to talk about please just tell me, im all ears <3

Remember, there will always be someone that will shed tears for you and always be someone to give a helping hand out a a dark place.

With so much love,
Mike
   
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