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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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If this is life, then I don't want it - October 7th 2012, 02:29 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm gonna warn you now, this is just me rambling on and it might now even make any sense, but it is what it is..

I find myself saying the same thing everyday, "If this is life, then I don't want it."
If it weren't for the couple of people I have that are close to me and actually care for me and would help me with anything, then I know for a fact I wouldn't still be here today. But then it gets to a point where I feel like I'm only a burden to them and it's not fair to them to have to worry about someone like me.
I wish I could say that I'll just snap out of these feelings of not wanting to live anymore, but this time I don't know if I can. I've been like this for a while now and things just seem to be getting worse everyday.
I can't handle the stress of my job, but if I quit, then I have no income whatsoever. I can't seem to catch up on my bills and am getting further and further behind and still have heaps of medical bills.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I hear it over and over again that. "that's life", but honestly if this is how I'm going to feel day in and day out, then I don't want life. I would much rather have no life at all than to have to live this way.
I come up with new ways everyday on how I'm going to end my life, but for some reason I haven't found the courage to do any of them yet. I've had so many failed attempts in the past that this time I want it to work, not just end me up in yet another hospital.
I don't know, I just don't know what to do now...
   
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Re: If this is life, then I don't want it - October 7th 2012, 12:48 PM

Hey there,

It sounds like things are really hard for you at the moment. Suicide is never the answer, it may seem like the 'easy' way out, but there's always a much better option, sometimes it maight just take work.
You said "If this is life, then I don't want it." it's your life, you have the ability to change it, if you don't like what you're doing at the moment then go do something different, find that hope and try to change how you're looking at life. Rather than focusing on the negative parts, focus on the positive, no matter how small and the positives that may come out of the negatives in the end and how you can change them.
You've said yourself, people care. They want you safe and well, they won't mind that you're asking for help, I know they would rather you asked them for help than hurt yourself. Friends and family are supposed to be there for you, let them in and let them help you. As you said yourself sometimes having someone there can make a huge difference and save lives.
Jobs can be annoying and stressful, but as you said you need to be working. Perhaps you could talk to your boss about how you are feeling and they can help you. If things are really that bad it sounds extreme and I know it's easier said than done but may look for another job, don't quit your job first but if you can find a less stressful job it may help you in the long run.
Life is what you make of it, change your life for the better. Have you ever thought, the reason that those attempts are only attempts is because it isn't your time, you're not supposed to go now. You have so much more to do, to live for. So many more oppotunities that you would miss. Hang in there, I know you can get through this.

If you ever want/need to talk, feel free to PM me,
Take care and stay strong <3


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Re: If this is life, then I don't want it - October 10th 2012, 08:07 PM

You have a few people you care about?

Lucky.
   
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Re: If this is life, then I don't want it - October 12th 2012, 12:51 PM

Hey there, I know how hard it is to deal with everything happening at once and being overwhelmed. But it's great you have friends, really. Maybe you can find somebody to help you out and then pay them back little bit little or something like that?
Suicide isn't the answer to anything, it's just an abrupt result that can be changed.

Jay.


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