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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Krista
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Why... - October 9th 2012, 11:30 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Why cant I just die? WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO CARE SO MUCH!!?? Why cant i just give up? nothing ever goes in my favor anyway so when that many things go wrong....why bother trying anymore? So many things I want to do right now...and none of them are things that are "fair". Well guess what, the world is not fair. I'm so angry, upset, and just ready to die, so why cant I go through with it?

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Why... - October 10th 2012, 03:41 AM

I don't know you or your situation so I can't help you by answering your question. It sounds like to me you have hope. Hope is a good thing. You have hope that eventually life is going to get better - and guess what? - it will. Sometimes we go through spells where everything goes wrong no matter how many good things we do in life. The worst part? Sometimes these last longer than we ever expected.

Life will get better. I promise.

You have so much to live for in life, you just have to find the meaning in it. For everyone that is different, and sometimes it takes some time to find what that meaning/purpose is. Maybe you're meant to help others, or be incredibly smart and invent things, or protect people, or maybe you're meant to be kind to others and make their day...the list goes on and on. Once you find where you fit, these awful feelings will go away. So continue to have hope and continue to try.

It will get better. I promise.

Message me if you need someone to talk to.

*Everything happens for a reason.*
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Re: Why... - October 10th 2012, 03:50 PM

Hey Krista,

You're right, you know. Why not? I mean, it's easy right? Death seems that way, beats living and being unhappy, doesn't it?


Thing is, it might seem like the best and easiest thing to do, and maybe it is the easiest, but take it from me, it's not the best. Things are tough, and honestly life can feel like crap sometimes, but it's not a reason to give up all hope on it ever going better for you. So things don't always go in your favour, not everything will, it's a part of life and if it did we'd all get bored of it anyway. We need variety to keep us interested. Some of us have worse luck than others. Some of us find dealing with disappointments harder than others. Doesn't mean that later on you wont be able to take each moment as it comes and deal with each situation and its outcomes as they arise. Sure, you may have a fair few things not go to plan right now, but what about those that do? Where do they come into it? I don't for one minute believe that literally everything you do or try to do goes terribly wrong. I don't doubt that you tend to notice more the ones that do - so do I, I think many people do - but it's worth noticing the others too. It's harder, and I'm not sure why that is, but people tend to remember bad things and forget completely about the things that actually go right. I took to making a mental note of them and actually looking for the good things. You'll find they're actually a lot more common than you think if you're actively looking for them.

I get that you're angry and upset, and honestly life does that to us sometimes, but it's no reason to just throw it all away and hurt yourself in ways you can't decide later were wrong. Decide now, because killing yourself wont make anything better, not generally. Sure, you wont be suffering anymore, but think about all of the years you have ahead of you which could have been relatively struggle free if you fought this. Think of all the memories you haven't made yet, the ones you have and the ones you're still making - what do they amount to if you kill yourself? Think of your hobbies, your talents and your skills. They have potential, so do you. Think of the people you'd leave behind, the ones who love you and would be heartbroken to hear of your death. Think of them having to live their lives without the chance to help you live yours. Think about the fact that even thought it's hard now, you have these people, memories and skills you can use to help you. You're not a lost cause. Yeah, you're finding this hard, but aren't a lot of us? It's not a reason to just say you're done and give up, because the future is limitless and you could do anything. Ten years from now, you could look back and be so, so glad you DIDN'T do it, because life could be incredible. Maybe that's ahrd to see right now, but just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not possible, right?

Talk to people. Reach out and let them help you. You're here, you've posted this, so you obviously feel the need to at least get your feelings out there and hear what others have to say. That's amazing, it's a huge first step and one of the hardest. But now it might be time for the next one. Tell someone close to you, someone you trust, maybe think about talking to a professional. You're at the point where you're having suicidal thoughts, and that's not good. It's not something you want to do alone, trust me, it wont help matters if you feel you cant express yourself to people. Let them know you're struggling and let them give you a hand. They would want you to, I'm sure of it.

Try to do things to keep yourself happy. Eat well, read, exercise, draw, laugh, have fun, be happy. You're entitled to all of those things and if they help keep you here longer, then why not experience them to their fullest potential? Take up a hobby, take the first step in a goal you've set yourself, do something you enjoy. It's not a crime to be happy even when you're not feeling up to it.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm only a PM away and I'll always be happy to help. For now, I hope this is useful and I really hope you reconsider how you feel. It's not a good thing to think the way you are, you have the chance to have an amazing life. Smile, enjoy it, it CAN and WILL get better.

Take care,

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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