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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 06:29 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I hate myself, hate my life, I especially hate my mum.... She has ruined my suicide plan and now I have to move it back an hour. Oh well, I've been waiting for this for a while.

My therapist wants to see me tomorrow and give me a recommendation to a pschiatrist so I can get anti-depressants. Mum thinks they are shit because of her track record with them and also how my neighbour took to suicide, she's still alive though. All because of anti-depressants. If they induce suicide bring them on, don't I feel bad enough already?
Screw it, I can't do this anymore.

I'm done.

Jamie.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 06:38 AM

No no no no no no Jay.

You can talk to your therapist about the pills, especially if your mum doesn't agree. You don't have to take them, Jay. No one should be forcing you. There are lots of options to help fight depression, and you just have to find the right one. Keep on fighting, Jay. You're going to make it. Be strong, and PM me if you need it. Just please don't kill yourself.


I hope you're having a spectacular day!


You can PM/VM me about anything.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 08:34 AM

I'm sorry, I really am. But nobody cares, nobody wants me to live. If I even mentioned it so anyone over here they would either hit me, or complain that they have lost somebody to suicide and then they'd change the subject. It's bullshit.
I'm sick of not having any support here or a shoulder to cry on I don't want to live anymore... it's over, it is finally over. My fight, my struggles, thrown out a window.
At least I won't fuck up my baby sister...

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
MrDirector Offline
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 09:07 AM

Ive only been back on this site a little while but ive browsed alot of topics without any advice to give and your one of the people i found very impressive. Youve really helped people alot, they would be lost without you.

Youve clearly got alot of compassion and are going to help people in the future, dont let the present ruin it all.

Please feel better, just take some time to breathe and think.

~Daniel~
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 09:12 AM

I'm impressive? I highly doubt that man.

I'm sorry, I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for little under a month now, I know it isn't that much, but everything is just crushing me... I've tried takind a deep breath, going for a walk, even running away to take some time away from life, but all that ever got me was pain and looks of disappointment or pity. I don't need pity, I just wish somebody close to me in my area would actually ask me if I'm okay. I swear, I thought the scars on my left arm and the fact I never smile or laugh would be a subtle enough clue. But, NO! They only care about their fucking perfect hair (excuse the language), and their makeup or the fact they are getting pimples or even asking me if their skirts are too short or if they are crooked. I swear, after a while it drove me nuts, I'm passed that stage and now I'm just angry they never noticed.

I'm just glad they'll never know I died. Because then theyll think it's their fault. It's not, it's just everything...

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 09:20 AM

I cant say i know what your going through but a little over a month ago i tried to kill myself, i took alot of pills and was in the hospital for three days.

At the time my family were worried but since i got out my family life has deteriated and my mum pretty much hates me.

Im currently searching for answers, why im here, my purpose and people like you, good hearted, compassionate people are what give me hope. Your name just keeps popping up in the forum offering advice.

I really dont want your good soul to go to waste, your not alone. Im right there with you.
   
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 09:24 AM

Hey Jay,

Why don't you think they'll never know you left? I'm sorry if this is a bit forward on such a sensitive topic, but I don't understand.

But I know how you feel. I was heavily suicidal back in 2010/2011, an I vied for attention, and the truth was, nobody cared. A lot of people on TH and other people online cared, and I know, I know it doesn't seem real through these words, but really, it does mean something.

If we give into this, this hurt, this pain, we're only giving in. One of the things I wish someone would've told me when I was suicidal is about how much better I would become when I got through this. If I could go back in time, now nearly two years, and say, look, things never got better, for god's sake, my knees are screwed up, but I'm more confident, I'm smarter, and I understand the world in this new light. Of course, this is what I would tell myself, and one or two years from now, if you get through this, you'll be able to say the same thing.

I know you feel like it's permanent, you want to make this permanent decision, you want to turn it all off. But that's the beauty of life, you get through these challenges and look back upon them and go "Wow, I'm actually pretty cool."

And I know you feel like no one needs you, but what about your sister? What about everyone at TH?

On my really suicidal nights, thinking about a far-off future helped me. I remember I called one of my friends, it was 1AM, and I ranted about the minute details of my apartment I would have in 10, 15 years. It really helped. If you want to talk to me about that privately, you can. I'm here for you, Jay.

Just please, please keep holding on. It will get better, eventually. You may feel like it's not worth it to wait until that "eventual" mark, but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Please don't let this kill you, and allow yourself to become stronger.


I hope you're having a spectacular day!


You can PM/VM me about anything.
   
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Validity Offline
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 10:42 AM

MrDirector:
I'm sorry to hear you went through that, honestly I am. But my mum and I already have a rocky relationship, my family are already considering me the disappointment in the family, keep in mind that I have a cousin addicted to drugs and alcohol and goes through his days in a drunken haze and not knowing what to do with hi life.
I enjoy helping people, because I know how it feels to be struggling, I only wish there were people there for me, ready to give me advice on how to deal. BUt, how can one deal when it seems that whenever you attempt to be happy something new happens which tears you down again?

Harley Quinn:
They'll notice I'm gone, but not the reason. It's for the best though.
Everyone will be better off if I died. If anyone read my advice they'd ask 'who is this kook? Why should I listen to her? She's too young to listen to' I mean, I know there ae younger people here, I'm mature beyond my years but sometimes I do act younger than I am. Probably trying to recapture some of the past happiness... but it's impossible to to do that because someone will appear with arms crossed, and a frown upon their face.
My sister hasn't even been born yet, which is why I'm afraid I'd mess her up from an early age.
I used to have dreams to hold on to, being an author, a doctor, to help people, all to help people, I could have written self-help books as well as books just for entertainment. Maybe I should but I just want it all to end. I have no motivation, no desire to live.
I believe in the what doesn't kill you just makes you weaker. I apologise for being so f***ing down but that's how I feel. I never got stronger, my blood clot never made me stronger, the abandonment I received once I came to terms with the fact my dad left for drugs never made me stronger, just pushed people away, my stint with a depressed mother never made me stronger, m stint in foster care, NEVER made me STRONGER! It all made me weaker. F***ing weaker. Everything, it just shows me how weak I have been. I should have just given in to the desires of death when I was 8. If only I'd known how to. Or, if I'd just run away when I was 9, maybe it wold be better now. But, it doesn't look that way, no, it just made me step off that tall platform I used to stand on and take the plunge...
It all just makes me so f***ing weary that I hardly can make it through the day with my anxiety levels sky high. I don't deserve to be here, I'm just a wasted space...
It's over.

Jamie....


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: It's over.... I'm sorry... - October 17th 2012, 12:25 PM

Jamie, I'm so sorry that you're struggling. I keep reading your signature over and over; when you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over. I'm thinking of you Jay, and I really hope you manage to get through this tough time. I've spent 4 years on and off suicidal and as much as I hate it sometimes, I'm still here, and i've managed to do so many things that I never thought I would. Stay safe lovely.
   
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