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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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i_like_black Offline
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Yeah so. - October 29th 2012, 03:08 AM

Um yeah. I'm low again. In the words of my keyworker, "So you're depressed.".

Thing is, I just don't feel like doing anything. Getting out of bed today was a massive struggle, and had one of my team not rung, I probably would have stayed there and missed my appointment. Just didn't feel worth the energy, you know?

I really, desperately want to cut, and badly, but my probation officer checks, and also, I'm a hopeless liar. Furthermore, I've been working out at a gym a couple of times a week, and cutting could make that a little awkward. For obvious reasons.

I think about suicide and I make plans, but I'm not so low that I'm seriously considering carrying them out, I still have a fair bit of presence of mind.

I'm just so over feeling like this. I'm taking my meds, that's supposed to help. My keyworker said she'd talk to my doctor about me still being low, but he's off sick today so I don't know. She also said, (and this was not very encouraging), that she feels over time I'll get a lot better at managing my moods. She doesn't think they'll ever go away.

I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. Being depressed sucks the big one. I mean, being high is great, but these lows aren't worth the trade-off. I just want to have normal moods. I'm sick of these ones. They . . . hurt is not the right word. They wear me out. This mood makes things so hard to deal with. Even organising a bowl of cereal is a complicated mission involving much thought, showering too, just basics that should be automatic get so, so hard.

How do I continue like this? It's been so many years; it's not getting any easier.
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Re: Yeah so. - October 29th 2012, 03:16 AM

Hey there, I suffered from major depression for 3 years off and on, fortunately I am on one of the highs since I'm having a break from my mother and life pretty much.

But, it will get better, just continually tell yourself that it won't last forever. I'm glad that you aren't going to go through with suicide, that makes me ecstatic to read because it's not worth it.

You can always VM/PM me whenever you want to vent or just talk about your day if you'd like.


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My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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Re: Yeah so. - October 29th 2012, 01:45 PM

I can understand that when you feel low like you do now, that it's hard to have the motivation to get up in the mornings and get on with the day ahead of you. I can totally relate to that. I know getting out of bed can be a really difficult struggle and that you don't feel like you have the energy. But you need to keep getting up and filling your days with things that make you feel better because you need to help yourself in this and trust me when I say, staying in bed day after day is not going to help you feel better but it's probably going to make you feel a lot worse than you already do.

I honestly believe that if you really really needed to hurt yourself, you would do so regardless of who checks or going to the gym, whether that's cutting in obvious places because you're so desperate or cutting in places no one is going to see. I get that the urges are bad, but you're not cutting. You've got two reasons there not to, but you still could do. You could hurt yourself but you're finding the strength inside to stop yourself. And you need to hold on to that strength. I think there might be a deeper reason why you're not cutting yourself now and I think you need to focus on that. Because you don't need self harm, it's not really going to help you - I think you know that.

I'm glad that you're not seriously considering suicide. I know that having those thoughts are hard and can really drag you down, but something, again, is holding you back. Something is stopping you. You clearly have a reason to live. What that is? I don't know and right now I am guessing you don't either. I know that when we get low, it becomes dark and we lose our reasons, but it doesn't mean the reason to why you haven't committed suicide has gone away. It's still there, it's just hard to see right now.

Your moods may go away, they may not. But managing them means they won't be a problem in your life. That you will be able to keep on top of them and not get so low and times and not get so "high" at times either. And that's positive. That's a good thing. And it will get easier. Make sure you continue to take your medication, properly. Talk to your doctor if you feel it isn't working. And continue to seek support. You can get through this.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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