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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
entangledmind Offline
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Exclamation I just want to give up - October 29th 2012, 07:31 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My parents know I'm suicidal and that I have a history of cutting. But despite the counseling I've had with them and our church pastor I just want to give up. I'm scared but at the same time relieved I'm becoming more okay with the idea of death. Here are the reason I want to kill myself:
  1. I feel so goddamn lonely. I've reached out to all my friends and family and no one has been able to make me feel wanted.
  2. I'm literally scared of the future. Not knowing what is going to happen scares me.
  3. I feel like I'm a burden on people.
  4. I don't enjoy life.
  5. I feel like I hurt people more than cause them happiness.
  6. I'm extremely scared of my dad even though they're aren't any real legit reasons why.
  7. I have terrible anxiety
  8. I really can't stand my parents; they control my life.
  9. I'm extremely because I feel like I'm burdening my boyfriend as he waits for my depression and anxieties to subside
  10. I'm scared he might give up on me
  11. I'm upset because of how worried I am about him leaving me
  12. My parents are controlling the relationship I have with him
I'm not sure, reader, you may read this and think these are very illogical reasons to want to kill oneself but I can't help it. It's not so much the individual problems in themselves. If I had to deal with one of those problems at I time I could do it. But since this is all happening at once I've become too overwhelmed. I don't know what to do.
I'm fifteen so I'm very limited to control my own life and that's why I cut. But because my parents found out I cut I feel so overwhelmed and that I have no control over life.

Part of me wishes someone would tell me this is okay, to go ahead and kill myself.

By the way I'm homeschooled so I can't go to any school counselor.
I don't know, but if I do kill myself it'll be by Carbon Monoxide. I have it all planned out how I'll kill myself if things get too extreme.


I tell people i'm
tired. But in reality

i'm just sad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-4wU...C66B1A12A9745D


Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Amorphous. Offline
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Re: I just want to give up - October 29th 2012, 09:29 PM

Hey, sweetie =).

My name's Hamed, seventeen year old student, writer, friend, former friend, drummer, winner and many more from Sydney =). Sydney AUSTRALIA, where all the kangaroos live xD.

I am so SO sorry you are feeling like this. Of course you're overwhelmed, you ARE only fifteen and you acknowledge that. It's just feeling like too much, more than what you can handle and that's absolutely nothing you should feel ashamed of.

No human fifteen year old can deal with this alone.

That is why you don't HAVE to be alone. There are ways of getting help and
advice and support even IF you can't talk to a counsellor. One of the best ways is through hotlines. There are people on the other end who understand what you are going through and can give you advice on how to get through it.

A couple of these hotlines which I think can help you are:

National Adolescent Suicide Hotline = 1-800-621-4000
Self-Injury Help by S.A.F.E = 1-800-DONT CUT

Have a look at those, have a look at their websites and you know what, give them a call because you have nothing to lose. If you have a cellphone (MOBILE phone as we call them here xD), then give it a shot.

No one wants to see you like this and it sounds to me like you want help as well. You just feel suicide is the only way. It's not the way to go.

THERE
ARE

Ways of getting help. I think you should probably also talk to GP, your doctor about how you're feeling and maybe even they can help you. But please sweetheart, let me tell you very clearly,

SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER.

I VERY recently had a friend of mine attempt suicide, two of my friends have, so I know what I'm talking about when I say this, and I told someone else this the other day:

You have got to hold on for the sake of OTHER PEOPLE. If you kill yourself, people will be devastated and people will mourn your death. No one wants to see you die. You
make a difference to someone's life. That's why you shouldn't committ suicide.

Because it would kill other people too.

All I'm saying is that suicide isn't the best or the only way of getting help or getting out of a really bad time. Sweetie, it won't always be this bad. As you said, this situation is exceptionally bad because it's all happening at once.

Just wait it out, go through your avenues of getting help, have a look at the hotlines, maybe even talk to your GP and it WILL WILL get better.

I pinky promise xD. Your friend,

H.

P.S. You keep mentioning that you seem to have a lack of control over your life, well think about it. When you turn eighteen, you gain LEGAL independence and you gain the right to make your own decisions.

P.P.S. Hang in there, sweetheart =).

P.P.P.S. Sorry about the formatting LOL.

P.P.P.P.S. I'm bad at signing out of posts xD.


“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.

Last edited by Amorphous.; October 29th 2012 at 09:39 PM.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I just want to give up - November 1st 2012, 11:26 AM

Hey there gorgeous girl, I like a saying I created: Just because you're problems aren't the worst, doesn't mean you aren't struggling. It was true of my situation. Unfortunately, I attempted suicide on the 17th of October and it isn't worth it. Suicide, no matter what reason, just isn't the right way. If I had listened to H and my other friends, everything would have worked out completely different. Now, I'm petrified to enter my room, I have panic attacks just from breathing in the stale air in my room. But, nothing is worth suicide.
If I made a list, it would be meaningless drivel and I'd ask myself, why, why did I do it? I did it for all the wrong reasons because there is no right reason. Stay strong beautiful, it'll work out!

Jay.

P.S I apolgise for the lateness of this post but I recently came back.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I just want to give up - November 1st 2012, 01:22 PM

All of those things that you listed are going to take time to overcome and you are going to have to make changes to slowly get rid of that list. I know if they were all happening on their own, you say you'd be able to manage them, but that's not going to happen. If you want to start to overcome these problems, I think you're going to have to learn of ways to cope with having so many of them happening all at the same time, at the same time as overcoming and beating these problems. It is going to be hard work but if you want to beat this, you can. I'm just going to throw a few idea's out there for you.

You're not going to be able to completely plan what is going to happen in your future. There is always going to be a level of uncertainty but maybe it will help you to make a few aims and goals for the future? And you can start putting the wheels into motion for some of those things. You can set yourself goals for the more short term future such as reading a book, meeting a friend, watching a film etc. And then you can have a list for long term goals such as learning to drive, writing a book, going to university, creating your dream career, getting married, having children, raise money for charity, run a support group, start kick boxing and so on. Anything you want.

Why do you feel like a burden on people? You know, people care about you? They love you and they want to help you because they want you to feel better and happier. They'll help you and be there because they can. And if you aren't letting them in because you feel like you're a burden on people, maybe it's time for you to make that change and be honest with people so you can have the support there to help you through this. People honestly will want to help you. They'll offer because they care and because of their kindess. If they don't want to be there for you, they don't have to be there, so they wouldn't be there. Like I'm here now. I am here, because I care about you and want to try and help you. People care about YOU. And other people in the world are unhappy but I doubt you make anyone unhappy. You can't bring happiness to people, they have to find it themselves just like you have to work on feeling better and happier.

Enjoying life will slowly come along when you start to feel better. When we feel low, sad, depressed, upset and so on, it's hard to enjoy life and can often even lead people to thinking that they want to die but really they just want all of the negative thoughts and feelings to stop. Once you start to feel better in yourself, you'll start to enjoy life more. But in the meantime, no matter how hard it might be for you, it's important you do just little things to try and help yourself feel better, things you enjoy like meeting a friend, reading a book, doing art, going for a walk, sitting with a pet, watching the rain, eating popcorn etc. Anything little, it can really make a difference. And you have nothing to lose!

Are there absolutely no reasons as to why you are scared of your dad? Has he ever hurt you or anyone else before? Have you ever been assaulted, abused or even bullied? Have you had a lot of family arguments? Have a little think about it all and see if you can find a reason as to why you might feel this way towards your dad. You say your parents control your life too. How do they control your life? Have you spoken to them about this. Doing so might be hard but it might also be really helpful. Sit down with them and explain what you feel is happening, why, how and how it's been making you feel. If you feel you can't say it, you can try writing them a letter about it too. I know I often find writing to people very helpful.

Tell me a little more about your anxiety? Do you just get the thoughts or do you get the physical motions and feelings of anxiety too? Are you aware of any triggers to anxiety? For example, I know loud noises and busy crowds trigger my anxiety. If you can't think of anything, maybe it'd be a good idea for you to keep an 'anxiety log'. Write the date, time, where you are, who you're with, your thoughts and feelings and on a scale of 1-10 write how anxious you are feeling. This way you can see if there are any triggers or patterns to your anxiety.

This one is simple - your boyfriend is with you because he likes you. Really likes (maybe even loves!) If he didn't want to be with you or around you, then he wouldn't be. He has no other reason to be with you. He wants to be with you and he's another person who cares about you and who I am sure will be willing to help you and support you if you let him in

Have you ever thought of seeing a health care counsellor or community psychiatric nurse? Not one through your church or not through your parents/with your parents. But counselling on your own to work through all of these problems? The fact that you're home schooled doesn't matter - You can go through private counselling or you can talk to your doctor and see if they can make a referral for you and if they can suggest somewhere/someone who you can contact about getting help and support.

No one is going to tell you its okay for you to go ahead and kill yourself. Why? Because you have a future. And if you make changes and work hard as well as having the support in place to help you through this, then you're more than capable of having the future you want. Yes, it may well be a damn hard fight to get there, but there is no reason as to why you can beat this unless you stop yourself. No one else is going to stop you. Your future is there and it can be good, yes at times scary but that's part of it. Honestly, it will be really damn worth it. You can do this, don't stop fighting and don't be on your own.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I just want to give up - November 3rd 2012, 03:39 PM

hey thr!
i know how you feel becausei feel the same though for different resons. i do feel as if i m hurting those around me but i found a new way to cope with tht.
i think if u think wht will happen if u die, it would help a lot. do u wanna put your family anf friends through tht phase? take it as a responsibility. u hv to live for them. i am sure after tht u will start feeling usefull as atleast u r nt making them go thorugh yr death
   
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