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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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I really just want to kill myself - October 29th 2012, 10:54 PM

Right now, I'm doing what I can to not kill myself. Everywhere I look, I'm always thinking about what I can kill myself with. I'm so close to doing it, I'm in too much pain to continue. Everyone will forget me after I die anyway. I have until November ninth until my next therapy appointment. I don't know if I'll be able to keep myself alive until then.


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Last edited by Palmolive; October 29th 2012 at 11:57 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
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Re: I really just want to kill myself - October 30th 2012, 12:08 AM

I'm really glad to hear that you are doing everything you can to try and distract yourself to stop yourself from trying to kill yourself. That proves to me that there must be a part in you somewhere that wants to fight this and beat it and that's definitely something to hold on to. Having these thoughts can be really hard to cope with and I can understand that. Fighting the thoughts can become tiring but you're doing it. You are beating this and you can continue to do so. This pain, it's not going to last. You can have happiness. If you fight this, you'll be thankful you did one day.

Is there anything that has happened which may be triggering these feelings and thoughts? I know you haven't mentioned anything but I just wanted you to know that if there is something that has happened or that is happening now, that you are more than welcome to talk to us about it any time. I know reaching out and opening up can be really hard but we're here to try and help you, not to judge. And other people are there for you too. Family, your parents, friends, teachers, school nurses/counsellors, your doctor and us. You're not alone.

People would miss you. If I found out you killed yourself, I'd be devastated and incredibly sad that I didn't help you. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world - don't forget that. I know this is hard but people care about you and love you. People who kill themselves leave so much hurt to the people behind and leave those people with so many unanswered questions. You matter.

If you feel you need to see your therapist before then, why don't you try to ring them? I'm sure they will fit you in before if they can. And remember we're here too. You can do this. I know it's hard but you have a bright future ahead of you so grab it tight with your hands and take the opportunities that you're given. You can honestly do this, believe in yourself.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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cynefin Offline
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Re: I really just want to kill myself - November 3rd 2012, 03:02 AM

I tried to kill myself last night. I know it's wrong, but I cant help how I feel, you know? A lot of stuff triggers me. Sometimes my depression gets so bad that I'm just like 'Screw it.' I just don't see a way out. I have to fight for my special needs brother though.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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Validity Offline
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Re: I really just want to kill myself - November 3rd 2012, 10:34 AM

Hey there, I'm sorry to see you attempted. I attempted suicide 17 days ago, honestly the worst decision of my life. I wish I could have seen this before you tried.

Mate, suicide just is not worth it, I hope you see this now. There are people who care about you, a lot of people. I thought that when I attempted and I had so many visits in hospital and people tell me they care. I never saw it. But, if you search hard enough you can see heaps of people do care for you.

Stay strong, PM me if you ever feel really bad and want to do it, I hope I can help you out of that rut.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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cynefin Offline
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Re: I really just want to kill myself - November 3rd 2012, 11:28 PM

I know it was wrong to try, but part of me wants to try again and actually suceed this time. I'm not scared of trying anymore. A hot bath to prevent blood clotting and to bring out my veins. It's tempting....I don't know. I feel like a terrible person for going through and feeling like this.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: I really just want to kill myself - November 6th 2012, 10:01 AM

Hey there, please don't try again!

It isn't bad, everybody slides back into those thoughts. Even me.. I was happy and upbeat, but now :shrugs:
It's confusing. I know, it isn't that scary now after you have attempted but mate, it just isn't worth it. Please, so many would grieve for you, yuo'll leave a hole in your absence and people may not get over that.

Stay strong,

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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