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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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anonymous- Offline
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Exclamation Hi, advice on suicide? - October 31st 2012, 03:38 AM

Hi, ok, so I`m new here. I have been thinking of suicide for roughly about 3 years, it all started when I was nine. But now it has gotten worse, I cut. I don't know how to stop. I just feel like no one understands. I attend a school where everyone is perfect, and then theres me, the girl with acne who hangs with the misfits. I wear A TON of bracelets to hide the scars on my wrists but I just feel like I can't go on. I write and draw a lot, but they are usually focused on the point of death or dying. I write poetry but again, its mainly focused on bullying and suicide. My friend really wants me to talk to someone, so I considered this website, where I can seek help, without anyone judging me. Can anyone give me some advice? Thanks

Last edited by Palmolive; October 31st 2012 at 09:30 AM. Reason: Removing prefix
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Re: Hi, advice on suicide? - October 31st 2012, 03:54 AM

Hey and welcome

I'm sorry your going through a rough time at the moment, truely i am, especially at such a young age.

Well done on reaching out for help, this is the place where we all understand each other and their problems, suicide isn't the answer hun, you go to a school where everyone is "perfect", i can tell you now that no one is and they might just be better at hiding things and putting on a mask, it's usually the bullies that have they problems and take them out on others to make themselves gain a little control and feel better, doesn't make it right but that's a reason.

Cutting isn't the solution either, it's a temporary fix and i bet you feel worse after it, don't you? More fresh cuts to hide and then more scars. I think you should take it one day at a time, i havn't cut since february/march time and yesterday i was so dying to do it, but i listened to music, lay down and shut my eyes and fell asleep and the urge was gone in the morning.

I'm so jealous that your a drawer and a writer, i'd kill to have that talent, if it helps your urges and keeps your mind busy, i'd draw till my heart and head was content! Draw things for your friends so it's not all depressing for you

Your lucky you have a friend to confide in that suggested getting help for you, i'd stick close to him/her but if you feel you can't is there anyone at home to talk to? Mum/dad/bro/sis/aunt/uncle etc. Or anyone at school? A friends parent? Anyone you feel comfortable with.

Hope your ok and just remember to think and try to relax before cutting, hell, you can PM me anytime you feel like it. I'll take your mind off it by ranting about the weather in Scotland, that will put you to sleep right away.

Razors pain you
Rivers are damp
Acid stains you
Drugs cause cramp
Guns aren't lawful
Nooses give
Gas smells awful
You might as well live.

♥ Family ♥ Animals ♥ Cats
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: Hi, advice on suicide? - October 31st 2012, 09:50 AM

Welcome to Teenhelp! I think you have done really well to come here and talk to us about what's going on for you. I know that opening up to people can be a really hard thing to do but I think you have taken a really positive step by doing so!

You say you first started having suicidal thoughts about three years ago? Had anything traumatic happened before then or around three years ago which you think may have triggered these thoughts? Has anything happened more recently which could have triggered the thoughts to have gotten worse?

I know these thoughts can be quite scary to have to cope with and it can be really hard to kind of put them to one side and ignore them to carry on with your day but you're still here and you're still fighting which proves you have the strength to beat them. Suicide isn't the right way out. In fact, it shouldn't even be an option for you. Don't let suicide be an option. You have your whole life ahead of yourself and you have so much more to live for. And you're completely and utterly worth it. You deserve happiness and a future.

Stopping self harming is a very hard thing to do. We don't just decide to stop one day and never do it or struggle with the urges again. Recovery is a process and it's going to take time. You've made the first step by asking for help. Do you know of the triggers of self harm? If not, maybe you could try keeping a log. Write down the date, time, where you are, who you're with, what you are doing, what your thoughts are and a scale on 1-10 on how bad the urges are. This way you can recognise and understand your triggers and work on them to beat them and to be able to put things in place when you can't to help yourself.

Also try distractions. We have a list on here if you want to look at them. Not every single distraction is going to help you. Everything works differently for everyone, but there will be some which do help you so for now it's all a bit of trial and error. And it's really important that you don't give up when you come across something that you feel is useless - you need to keep on trying new things.

Self harm, often helps people only in the moment which can last from just a few seconds to several minutes. Like the above user said, I bet it doesn't feel helpful afterwards. The feelings often come back to us once the physical pain starts to fade away. The physical pain is often used as a distraction for the emotional pain. Do you feel this way? What do you feel you get out of self harming? I know that beating it is hard but you've got support to help you along the way. You're in control of your actions. At the end of the day, the only person who can stop yourself from self harming, is yourself.

I'm going to be honest and tell you that chances are, no body will completely understand you. Even if two people were to go through the exact same experience, they'd both see it in different ways and have different thoughts and emotions about it. But people on this site and people in 'real life' will have gone through similar things to you and will be able to try and understand to a certain level and some people will be able to relate to you and your story. You're not alone in this.

I doubt very much that everyone from your school is perfect and you're not. We're all perfect in our own ways. You're not the odd one out, you're just you and that's who your friends and family love you for.

Its good that you write and draw a lot. Does writing and drawing about suicide, bullying etc help you? I know a lot of people find this a way of expressing themselves and they find it helpful to do so. I know I write a lot about how I feel and about my thoughts and it helps me.

And lastly, don't ever be alone. We're always here for you, we'll listen and we won't judge. We'll try our best to help and support you through this. It sounds like you have really good and supportive friends as well. Have you thought about perhaps talking to a parent or even someone from school such as a teacher or a school nurse/counsellor? These people care about you too and can also help you but they can only do so if they know what's going on for you right now.

You can do this, don't be alone and keep fighting.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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