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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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jstone Offline
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I'm about to cave in... - November 1st 2012, 06:50 PM

I was making progress, I was slowly starting to feel better. And then out of nowhere it came back like a damn tidal wave. I'm honestly scared to go home tonight because I'm afraid of what I will end up doing. Every part of me hurts like no other. My stomach is in knots and I just want to lay down and never get back up to fight this again...


Here's to you, fill the glass. Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass.

Last edited by Everglow.; November 1st 2012 at 07:43 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
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Re: I'm about to cave in... - November 1st 2012, 07:42 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful right now. I want you to know, though, that even though you're struggling again, you've still made the progress you mentioned. Recovery takes a long time and sometimes you will dip down back into feeling bad again, but it will go away again, just like it did before. This negativity you're feeling, it will pass. Your reason to keep fighting is that. This won't last forever as long as you don't give up. I know it can seem hard to keep going, especially when you got so far just to feel like it was all for nothing, but don't let go, okay?

When you go home tonight, it's probably going to be difficult. You're scared of what you might do, and it happens. It's okay to be worried about what happens next, especially when you may have thoughts of suicide etc., but I want you to remember that you're in control. I know it's hard to ignore the nagging emotions and thoughts, but that's all they are. They're not actions, they're things you can ignore and distract yourself from. Moreover, there are legitimate and good reasons to do this, and keeping them in mind might be useful when they come about.

First, try reminding yourself that these thoughts have occurred in other people before you. These people have over come this, they've ignored the urges and thoughts and have not acted on them. As a result, they're now glad to be alive. That can be you. Put yourself in their shoes, you can get over this too, and one day you'll look back and you'll be glad to be alive as well. If this is hard, try staying around people. When you go home, are there other people in the house at the same time as you? Can you sit with them for a few hours? Maybe you could put the TV on and talk and try to keep yourself as busy as possible. If you're around people, you'll be a lot less likely to act on any thoughts you have that may be harmful to you, which is clearly a very good thing.

Another thing which is a very good idea is to get rid of anything which might increase the temptation to act upon the thoughts you have. If there are certain things that trigger you, move them. Hide them in a drawer, put the key somewhere you're unlikely to go to again. Remove yourself from temptation, maybe go to sleep early tonight so you can get away from sitting and thinking for too long.

I want you to know that you're not alone. This happens to a lot of people, and people beat it every day. Recovery takes a long time and you will find it hard. You'll have days like this, but don't give up. I know you say you hurt, but I promise you it wont last forever. You can fight this and you can win, think of all you can do in the future after you've done that. Think of how you can live your life and be happy with it, all because you fought this now. Nothing in life is worth getting if you don't fight for it first, and this is just one of those achievements you'll be proud of later when the struggle is over.

If this is that bad, please don't be afraid to tell someone. There are people out there who deal with this sort of thing every day and are in their jobs to help people like you who need them. It's not a bad thing to seek their support, and if it helps you, it will all be worth it. Alternatively, if you want to talk to someone else, perhaps not in real life, I'd be happy to help. Feel free to shoo me a PM at any time and I'll be happy to listen and support you in any way I can.

You can do this okay? Breathe, take it easy, and just keep fighting.
Take care,
Hollie.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: I'm about to cave in... - November 1st 2012, 08:22 PM

I'm the only one that lives there. Honestly the whole house is a trigger but I have nowhere else to go and nobody to stay with. I just don't know what my purpose in life is anymore. I finally found one after years of struggle and heartache and disappointment and now it is gone. It takes everything I have to pull myself out of bed in the Morning and go to work. After work I have no energy to manage anything else. I go home, shower and sleep. Then I do it all again the next day. I just don't even know why I'm still fighting, every time I get a little headway I drop to my knees again. It's so much easier to stay there than to continually pick myself up just to have it happen again


Here's to you, fill the glass. Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass.
   
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