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HaleyJordan Offline
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Exclamation Depression And Violence - November 7th 2012, 03:15 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I have violent thoughts. Scary, violent thoughts. In the middle of school.

No, I don't want to talk to the fucking counselor, either. He's a real jerk.

I don't want my mom to know about any of my problems, she has enough and I don't want to worry her.

I don't know who to turn to anymore, and I feel like I'm slipping away into the madness that is insanity. I feel like my depression is so badly that something is going to happen.

It's either i'm really pissed, or depressed. Most times I don't have a happy medium. And I don't know what to do anymore. I go to therapy, but my next app. isn't until December because they're assholes. We can't afford much at all, let alone changing or trying to find another therapist. I'm lost. I'm stuck. I don't know what to do anymore.

Try to be like the turtle, at ease in your own shell. - Bill Copeland
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Re: Depression And Violence - November 7th 2012, 09:40 PM

Hey there,

First of all, I understand how hard anger and violent thoughts can be to deal with. IT differs for everyone, but I myself have had thoughts of violence while I've been extremely down before as well, and they're disturbing, I know. But you can overcome it, and hopefully I Can help a bit.

I would, firstly, recommend you find a way to channel your anger. Violent thoughts might be down to the fact that you have this anger inside of you that perhaps you haven't realised. Has something in the past happened to make you feel this hostile? Perhaps if you can work out something that might have triggered this you can work towards finding something to balance it out. Perhaps you can deal with the situation that way. Otherwise, there are plenty of ways you can get rid of the anger inside of you in a healthy and safe way. One thing that works well for me is just ranting about it to someone, or even to myself! I know that sounds crazy, but if you get some time home alone or something, try pacing around and just speak outloud about everything that's going on inside your head. Don't think about it, just let the words flow, see where you come to. Maybe by doing that you'll work out where the problems lie and be able to express yourself a bit more.

Otherwise, there's a really great feature on this site that helps me. Have you taken a look at the blogs area yet? It's basically a place where you can rant and rave and get all of your emotions into words. You can set it to private or, if you want some advice or people to read it (which I prefer over a diary because it feels like my messages are being heard) you can have it set to public.

I want to remind you that nothing bad will happen if you don't let it. It sounds like an obvious thing to say, but you're in control of your actions. Sometimes when we have these violent thoughts we can forget that they're just thoughts. They've not actually happened, and they don't have to, not if you don't act on them. Whether these thoughts are directed at yourself or someone else, you have the final say over whether or not you act on them, so distract yourself as much as possible and remind yourself that if you don't want them to occur - and you shouldn't - then they don't have to. It's as simple as that.

Also, don't be so angry at the therapists. Their jobs are extremely busy and as unfortunate as it is, they cannot fit every single client in all of the time. Sometimes it's not very regular and appointments are few and far between, but other people just like you will be trying to see them as well. I know it's not fair, but you're not the only person who needs their attention, so while you can't see them you need to find ways in which to cope alone. It's a difficult thing to do, but maybe if you get together a list of ideas to try out, you can then show them to your therapist at the next meeting and get some help. For now, it'll be something to keep you going, which is important.

Try not to be so angry at others, and of course yourself. I know it's frustrating and its hard to control, but if you can work on coping techniques you will cope a lot better with the emotions that come with things like depression. Keep a pad of paper with you at all times and scribble in it when you're mad, or jot some notes down in your phone about why you're mad - turn them into something creative like a poem or story! Just try not to keep the anger inside you. I've found that doing that means it will over spill at times when you don't mean for it to, which isn't a good thing.

You really can do this. Keep fighting, okay? I know the circumstances aren't exactly ideal for you, but they're not terrible either. You can get through this and you can overcome whatever it is you're battling. Have faith and keep going.

Take care,

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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