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bitesize Offline
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Why is it so much easier to focus on negative comments than positive ones?? - November 15th 2012, 04:22 PM

We were starting rehearsals for a group sketch in college today (I'm a drama student)and taking turns trying out the different characters in the sketch we've devised. It came to my turn to try out a particular character which I didn't feel I'd do a great job on and wasn't really getting a feel for, but I thought 'shure I'll give it a go anyway' and played it out, slightly different to the way the others in the group had played it, but I started getting into it and felt it went better than I expected.

At the end of the improvisation, one of my classmates turned to me and said 'That was good!' A second later, another laughed slightly and said 'Well....you won't be that character anyway - no offence!!'

Even though I got both a positive and a negative comment there, I'm finding it impossible to forget the negative one and came away from college feeling like I'm a crappy actor, why am I doing this course, everyone thinks I'm shit, I'm making a fool of myself, etc etc etc. (Lost my job earlier this week so I think my confidence is a bit down anyway.) I've been trying to remind myself that I got a positive remark too but it doesn't make any difference. Why is life like that?? Why do we focus on the negative remarks and have the positive ones not make much difference??

Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
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Re: Why is it so much easier to focus on negative comments than positive ones?? - November 15th 2012, 07:48 PM

Hey there,

I don't think some people truly appreciate how making a negative like that can actually affect somebody. Sure it's okay for them because they make the comment and then think nothing more of it but if they knew just how long their words tormented the person that they were directed at then perhaps they would at least think before they spoke. Part of me believes that some people make negative comments towards others because they're insecure about themselves so in being critical of others they're giving themselves some form of ego boost.

I think it's human nature to cling onto the negatives rather than the positives. A large majority of the population are both their own worst enemy and critic. You have probably noticed that there are plenty of people who have so much but are still never satisfied. The more they have, the more they want.

I think it's a case of training your mind to remove yourself from the situation before you become too caught up over the negativity and try to look at it from a different perspective. Instead of thinking 'why was that so bad?' try turning it into constructive criticism and ask yourself 'where could I improve on that? How could I have made it better?' Instead of letting the comments get to you and put you down, maybe it's worth using that negativity to prove them wrong and making them eventually eat their words.

I feel like I've basically just rambled on about a load of rubbish but I hope in amongst all the rubbish I've been able to help you in one way or another. If you ever feel like talking or want somebody to listen to you then feel free to PM or VM me.

I hope that you're feeling better soon and that things start to look up for you.

Just because you're hurt, doesn't mean you're broken.
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Re: Why is it so much easier to focus on negative comments than positive ones?? - November 15th 2012, 08:48 PM

I get what you mean. I've been feeling depressed for a while and tonight my Stepdad said I was a burden. He took it back and apologised but still.. I was distraught. Sorry I didn't actually help but I just get what you mean :S
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Re: Why is it so much easier to focus on negative comments than positive ones?? - November 16th 2012, 12:23 AM

I think the reason we focus more on negative comments than positive comments is because we feel that what the person (the person that's saying the bad stuff) is saying HAS to be true, so there for we feel that there is a way to fix it but there isn't always a way. Positive comments on the other hand make people feel happy, and yeah. This wasn't really an ideal answer...
Maybe I helped.
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