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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Outside, huh?
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Name: Cathy
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Tired of fighting - November 17th 2012, 09:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm absolutely tired of everything. I'm just getting worser and worser every, single day. I'm suffering every, single day. Nothing seems to be going right. Everything is getting out of control.

My eating is getting so bad again. I've been restricting more, but I always binge. I'm always hungry. I've started exercising a lot more, too. I started taking laxatives and I ordered diet pills, which I have to wait until monday to pick up from the mail room. I will do anything to get skinny. I've been the fat girl for far too long. No one can stop this behavior. I WILL NEVER STOP THIS BEHAVIOR. If I do, I will just get fat. Everytime I eat, I feel extremely guilty.

I'm just a bad person, who needs to be punished. I don't deserve to be here. There are so many other people in the world who deserve to live. I don't deserve to live. Nobody would notice that I was gone anyways, so, what's stopping me?

I have everything that I need to end it all.

Nothing can stop me now.

Member Since 1/15/2012
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
Purr Purr Purr.
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Tired of fighting - November 17th 2012, 10:32 PM

Honestly Cathy? Nothing could stop you before. The only thing or person that can stop you, is you. I know things are really hard for you right now, but do you honestly believe that using all these self destructive behaviours is going to help you? Do you think living day in and day out, dieting to extremes, abusing laxatives, binging and excessive exercise is going to bring you happiness? Because I think it's just going to make you ever more happy. Living like that, is not living. Your mind is going to become to consume those thoughts and behaviours and I think it's really important that you chance those thoughts and behaviours now before it gets any later and any worse. Everything only gets out of control if you let it, so change it.

Yes, so many people in this world deserve to live. In fact, I think that everyone in this world deserves to live and that includes you. You're not a bad person and you don't deserve punishment at all. I know you've been seeing a counselling but I know this hasn't been going on for long and I think it's important that as your sessions go by, you try and open up to him just a little more each time, because the more you tell him, the more he can help you. And that's what he wants to do. That's why he is there - to help you.

Of course I don't know your weight. I can't tell you if you're overweight, underweight or a healthy weight. But I do know that you know your weight and you're a bright kid, you know if you need to lose weight or not. If you do need to lose weight for you health, then I suggest you trying to do that in a healthy way. A balanced diet and exercise can go a long way.

You can do this, so don't stop fighting because you ARE worth so much and so many people care about you.

Hang in there.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
I can't get enough
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Re: Tired of fighting - November 18th 2012, 12:53 AM

Hey gorgeous,

I care for you and believe that this isn't the solution! The world is your playground, you choose your path, your "toys", but don't take the leap to end it all.
It's just not worth it!


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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fighting, tired

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