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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
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Smile This is NOT a losing fight! - November 21st 2012, 04:12 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi there, I'm Kayla and I'm one of the buddies here at TeenHelp.

I may be depression free now, but not so long ago, I wasn't.
I was 10 years old when I developed depression. I started cutting and couldn't stop.
I may be able to help others now, but then, I couldn't even help myself.
I was lost and broken and shattered and as time went on, I only got worse. I was hurting and I would speak up but no one would listen. I was ashamed and all I could do was fake a smile. The urge to cut was unbearable and crippling. I literally could not get out of bed some days because my scars were so fresh that if I held myself up by my arms, the wounds would open again and then I'd want to cut more and more and more. Sound familiar?
I've attempted suicide twice and I realize now that that is never the way out.
(And no, I'm not just being dramatic.)

Something that I realized was that there is a reason I'm here and alive. I was put on this earth to help people. I know that sounds cliche but it's true. I have gone through very tough times and I made it out on the other side where the grass is so much greener. And I believe that without going through those hard times, that I would never know how to help others just like me. I would never have the amount of empathy or ability to understand and help people without having gone through those things in my life and coming out on the other side and literally by the grace of God, I was able to take that negative and turn it into a positive.

I know it's weird for me to just put everything out there like that, things I've gone through, my depression, attempting suicide, cutting.
But I'm not ashamed of those things now because they made me who I am today and I'm stronger and healthier and the happiest I've ever been now.

And you can be too. Anyone who is reading this right now, you can beat the urges and the pain and suffering. You can win. You can beat your depression instead of it beating you.

You're all strong and smart and beautiful and amazing just the way you are.

Cutting is not the answer.
Suicide is not the answer.
Hating yourself is not the answer.

But this is;
Loving yourself and being kind to yourself as you would your best friend, is something that only you can do. It takes time and effort, but it's so beyond worth it.
Realizing that your worth is far beyond what anyone else ever says of you, is a beautiful thing.
Taking care of yourself, is the greatest thing you could ever do for yourself.
And that means getting rid of all those little voices in your head that say 'I'm not good enough,' or 'I'm not worth it,' or 'They'd all be better off without me.'
It means nurturing yourself and letting others take care of you.
Allowing yourself to be happy and not feeling guilty about it.
Throwing away that razor or knife, and letting your body be what it was meant to be.
And realizing your true potential.

(I'm sorry this was lengthy but I wanted to fit it all in.)

I'm Kayla, and I recovered.
And so can YOU. Yes, you.



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 21st 2012, 04:16 PM

WOW, this is so touching! Im so glad you made through this! Well done!

I hope you're ok! If you ever need to talk, just message me
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 21st 2012, 04:18 PM

Thank you! I'm doing amazingly now, but I will take you up on that offer if I ever need to I hope you know you can do the same.



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 02:46 AM

This is such an inspiration! I'm glad you're doing so well!


   
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 06:31 AM

I'm so sorry about everything you went through. You help a lot of people and you never deserved to have to go through something that bad. Aww hun...

This post is really insightful and inspiring. Thank you. You're so full of inspiration. You're strong. I'm so happy you're doing better now. I'm here if you ever need me though.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 02:21 PM

This is beautiful, Kayla. Thanks for putting this up here on the forum for everyone to see. You are right, depression is not a losing battle! We all can overcome it and come out to be even better people than before. Life offers so much to us, and God put us on this planet for a reason. He did not do it just for us to end our lives at such a young age or to hurt our own bodies.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 03:04 PM

I'm sorry you had to go through that...thank you very much for posting this and sharing your experiences
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 05:07 PM

Thanks so much for posting this, Kayla! You're such an inspiration and I really hope you recognize that. I'm so glad that you're doing so much better!


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foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Smile Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 06:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enigmatic. View Post
This is beautiful, Kayla. Thanks for putting this up here on the forum for everyone to see. You are right, depression is not a losing battle! We all can overcome it and come out to be even better people than before. Life offers so much to us, and God put us on this planet for a reason. He did not do it just for us to end our lives at such a young age or to hurt our own bodies.
Amen to that!



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
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Smile Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 06:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Christabel View Post
I'm so sorry about everything you went through. You help a lot of people and you never deserved to have to go through something that bad. Aww hun...

This post is really insightful and inspiring. Thank you. You're so full of inspiration. You're strong. I'm so happy you're doing better now. I'm here if you ever need me though.

~ Christabel
Awww. Thank you! You're so sweet! -hugssssss- ^_^ Tehe.
And don't be sorry. It's my past and I'm much happier and healthier now! Nothing to be sorry about honey. :3
But thank you!

And I'll remember that! Same to you~



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
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Smile Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 06:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybean. View Post
Thanks so much for posting this, Kayla! You're such an inspiration and I really hope you recognize that. I'm so glad that you're doing so much better!
Thank you! ^_^

I appreciate that a lot, thank you very much. :3



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount17
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 09:09 PM

You're really sweet too!! Happy to be friends with you. ^_^ I'm so happy you're doing so much better now.

~ Christabel
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 22nd 2012, 11:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Christabel View Post
You're really sweet too!! Happy to be friends with you. ^_^ I'm so happy you're doing so much better now.

~ Christabel
I'm so happy to be friends with you too!! :3 thank you!



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 23rd 2012, 07:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Chaotic Outcast~ View Post


I'm so happy to be friends with you too!! :3 thank you!
Awah!

~ Christabel
   
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 23rd 2012, 08:03 AM

I'm very glad you overcame the depression, cutting and suicidal feelings. I too have cut myself and attempted suicide (when I was 14, I am 15 now) I guess I never realized now close I was to actually killing myself. This was a very touching story to hear. I understood EXACTLY what you went through, I went through it to.

Stay strong, always!

-Matthew
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Smile Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 23rd 2012, 02:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlammableTacos View Post
I'm very glad you overcame the depression, cutting and suicidal feelings. I too have cut myself and attempted suicide (when I was 14, I am 15 now) I guess I never realized now close I was to actually killing myself. This was a very touching story to hear. I understood EXACTLY what you went through, I went through it to.

Stay strong, always!

-Matthew
Aww, Thank you Matthew! I'm sorry that you have gone through the same things, and I hope things have improved for you.

~Kayla.



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 24th 2012, 04:49 PM

Thanks for posting this. I'm sure it's given many users on the site some hope and inspiration. I'm glad things are looking up for you too! That's great.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

Helplink Mentor l Article writer l Forum mod l Community Mod
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This is NOT a losing fight! - November 24th 2012, 07:32 PM

Thanks Jessie!



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
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