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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Flippant Offline
resident pessimist
Welcome me, I'm new!
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Name: Luke
Gender: Other

Posts: 2
Join Date: November 21st 2012

Unhappy flippant cries about life etc etc - November 21st 2012, 06:20 PM

man I just wanna
stop existing, you know?
i'm really fucking sick of life at the moment and I mean that's probably the general sentiment of most people in this board but
i'm just so goddamn miserable, it comes and goes though over time, but lately/over the past week or two it's been so bad
don't have a diagnosis which is somehow worse (my mother refuses to take me to the doctor when there is everything wrong with me)? i dunno if that even makes sense
at least you people who've been diagnosed with some kind of mental illness have a label to apply to yourself
me? i dunno what i am, or what i wanna do with my life
i used to wanna go into the field of medicine but it's just too much work and time and effort to bother with any more
used to have aspirations to go to a top uni like oxford or cambridge, and hell I could manage it! it's just a matter of finding motivation which i DON'T HAVE
and as for knowing who i am i don't even have a name
i mean I call myself luke for simplicity but i don't know
that's not the name i was born with
closest fit there is to me but it's still wrong
nameless genderless thing

basically i'm having a hard time
struggling to balance school and a rapidly dwindling social life
struggling with existential and identity crises
losing interest in things i used to love
general apathy towards the world wonderfully permeated by a sense of utmost defeat and misery

apologies about the disjointed writing and obscene lack of punctuation

lend a brother a hand and tell me it's all ok.

i am in a relationship with the ruby spears mega man cartoon
pls dont hit on me u silly people
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
Just Hold On We're Going Home~
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Re: flippant cries about life etc etc - November 21st 2012, 07:50 PM

Oh honey. This saddens me.
I am so sorry to see that you're going through this. To me, (I'm not a Dr. but I've seen many cases like this,) and I believe you have clinical depression and anxiety.

I understand where you're coming from too. I was in that place a while ago and it was hard. It was torture! So I and many others completely get why you feel this way, and I hope you don't feel alone.
I'd like to refer to the part where you referred to yourself as a 'thing.' You're a human being who has feelings and emotions and struggles like the rest of us. So never down-grade yourself in your mind to a 'thing.'
Maybe you should just take some time to yourself and figure out what you'd really like to do in college? I mean really just do you. Be yourself and don't worry about the future for right now.

(And your punctuation is perfectly fine dear.)

Anyways, I hope I helped and I hope that you know that you can always reach out to me! PM me anytime alright?


So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."

What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
may luck be yours.

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Re: flippant cries about life etc etc - November 21st 2012, 11:53 PM

With the way you feel, it's natural to think this way. I'd reccomend taking some online tests. That obviously doesn't diagnose you, but they're pretty accurate.

You said you don't know who you are? I feel like that sometimes, too. Its like the depression is taking over our lives. But we can't let the demons win. You are an awesome person who happens to have depression. Remember, the depression isn't you it's just something you have.

As far as where to go with your life, what sticks out to you? I had to try tons of stuff before I found out I'd like to be an author and a park ranger. If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. The feild of medicine sounds interesting.

Before any of that, screw schoolwork and your social life. What matters right now is YOU. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel a little better. Do something for yourself for twenty minutes each day. School doesn't matter if you're not healthy.

You can do it, prove those demons wrong!

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12.04.19 & 06.10.20

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
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apathy, cries, depression, flippant, gender identity, life, miserable, suicidal thoughts, suicide

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