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Arrow How to know if you can trust someone? - November 23rd 2012, 04:56 AM

I want to talk to someone about all the problems I have in my life right now, because I've been dealing with them on my own for two years and it's getting really, really hard. As a result I've done some things I regret (haven't done them again though). I have someone in mind that I want to talk to, but I'm finding it SO hard to believe that this person will actually care or help me out. There's one part of me that thinks, Yeah, duh, of course they will. Then there's the part that's kind of like...I don't know, I just can't quite picture it.

Let me say that I'm a naturally suspicious person (I don't really know why), and I'm not very trusting by nature. I doubt myself a lot, I doubt others, I know for a fact that I have low self confidence/esteem, and I constantly feel like I'm burdening other people or annoying them. I usually feel like most people don't like me, even if they say they do (I tend to not believe them...that's just me). So talking about my problems and asking someone for help is going to be hard for me.

Basically, considering all these "setbacks," how can you really know if you can trust someone? Trust as in trust them with your problems that you've told no one else, and trust them to actually help you and not just listen and then abandon you? The person I want to talk to IS a genuinely nice person, and polite, and respectful, and ridiculously smart, and has a sense of humor, but it's very rare that I get even a glimpse of their more "caring, compassionate, help-a-teenager-in-need" side. With some people, this means they just don't show it...with others, it means they don't actually HAVE one.

Sigh. Help?







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Re: How to know if you can trust someone? - November 23rd 2012, 05:00 AM

to make trust on anyone you have to know them then it's up to you that you wanna trust or not
   
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Re: How to know if you can trust someone? - November 23rd 2012, 07:00 AM

Well, when I start a trusting friendship with someone, I usually give out small secrets at first, then if they keep that secret and respect your wishes then I just naturally feel comfortable telling bigger secrets then I trust them. Ask yourself; has this person ever done anything to go against my wishes?
I'm also here if you wanna talk to me about anything, you can always trust me if you feel comfortable.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: How to know if you can trust someone? - November 23rd 2012, 05:05 PM

^ Thanks, Christabel I actually like your idea about giving out small secrets first...I think I'll try that. And I do trust you It's hard for me to talk to people about tough stuff face to face though, is the thing.







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Re: How to know if you can trust someone? - November 24th 2012, 12:20 AM

You're welcome. Yeah, me too sometimes, mostly to people in real life. All I can say is get closer to the person and get to know them better that way you'll feel more comfortable.
Maybe write what you wanna say on a note to the person? Or a text on your phone?

~ Christabel
   
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Re: How to know if you can trust someone? - November 24th 2012, 01:35 AM

I agree with the idea of giving out little secrets first to how they react.

That being said, only you can be the judge of if you can trust the person or not. However, I should let you know that the people I have told have been more receptive than I thought. One friend I told because she's dealing with some of the same issues I was/am. We basically support each other. With another friend, I let something slip by accident, but I've been telling her more and more about my problems and she listens and doesn't judge me or freak out. It's really nice.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm burdening other people or that they don't really care, but that's part of my depressive thought pattern, and I have to remind myself that they do care. The point I'm trying to make is that the right people will listen and care, and asking for help is so worth it. It's REALLY nice to have people I can talk to about this, and I hope you can have the same thing. Let us know how it goes if you decide to tell this person!
   
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