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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ɯιттʏ~ Offline
Narwhal Lover
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Name: Callie
Gender: Alien
Location: USA

Posts: 54
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: August 10th 2012

Unhappy Always Thinking.. - November 26th 2012, 03:04 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mom knows about all of what I'm going to say, but...

I dated my first boyfriend, honestly off and on, for basically two years. He was extremely perfect in my eyes; had the same future plans as me for the military, Hispanic -
my odd fetish, and had good humor and everything. But about six months into the relationship he stopped talking to me. For four entire months. I messaged him daily, but to no avail, no reply. So, I started to cut myself.

I didn't do it often, but when I was alone, and my thoughts could go free, I cut. And cut.
Why didn't anyone love me? Am I going to be forever alone? I shouldn't be here..

But then two months later, I receive a huge reply from him, and he literally begs for me to take him back. Following the saying, " Old habits die hard", I gave in and we started dating again.

Same thing happened, only this time two months later. He stopped talking. This time, I planned to kill myself. Planned to reach into my mom's cabinet, grab her nerve pills, and overdose.

We're back together again, honestly for the last time, but I'm still having thoughts. I told my mom about what i had planned, but I'm still thinking. When I'm alone, the thoughts happen more often. I'm tired of sitting in school, barely aware of my surroundings, and the bullying. What can I do to help myself, and clear these thoughts? I don't want to tell my mom I had the thoughts again..
  Send a message via AIM to Ɯιттʏ~ Send a message via Skype™ to Ɯιттʏ~ 
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Always Thinking.. - November 26th 2012, 03:42 AM

Hi Callie. I'm Christabel, nice to meet you dear.

I'm so sorry how this is making you feel. I understand how much someone can hurt you this way. But ending your life because of him isn't worth it. If he just decides when he wants to be with you, he doesn't deserve you and you're above him and everyone else that bullies you if they make you feel down. Please don't end your life sweetie, you have so much to offer.
I know you don't wanna tell your mom about these thoughts again but I think it's best that you do so she'll know and can help you. The worst thing to do is stay alone and isolate yourself during depression like this. Can you talk to a therapist/teacher/trusted friend about this?

He may have made you happy then, and I know this will hurt. But I think you need to let him go if he's hurting you this badly. You need to let yourself heal other than being hurt over and over and possibly being hurt so badly you end your life... It sounds to me like he either has bad troubles in his life and he isolates himself from everyone around him when he goes in depressive stages or he's an emotional abuser.
Have you talked to him about it? How it makes you feel?

Can you have any other distractions such as outside activities (the sun helps induce good emotions)?
Even digital art
Tv shows
Even making friends on forums helps the soul and makes you feel less lonely.

Here are some links you should click and check out. Please, you're worth it.

This is something I wish would stop

Take this to heart

Self-Image and the Beauty of Being A Woman

This Is Not A Losing Fight!


Self-Harm Alternatives

Reasons to Live

Hold On (To Hope)

Who can help me?

No guy is worth staying with that hurts your emotions this bad sweetie. Don't end your life because of him. I know how these things hurt. You can PM/VM me anytime you feel alone or feel bad over this. Whatever you decide to do about him, break up or anything, I'll be here for you along with your mom and lots of people on this site. We'll help you and have so much support and love for you. You are not alone sweetie.

~ Christabel

Last edited by DeletedAccount17; November 26th 2012 at 03:50 AM.
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