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-   -   Triggering: I'm almost there... (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t113037-im-almost-there/)

OmNom November 27th 2012 02:22 AM

I'm almost there...
 
The past few weeks have been... really, really rough for me. There wasn't a specific cause... I think I'm just coming close to my breaking point. It's worse than ever and I just cant take it anymore. The worst part is, nothing significantly bad has been happening... in fact the major problems in my life have begun to get BETTER. So I really dont know whats going on... but i cant escape the sadness. Days are just routine now. Barely anything has feeling to it. I wake up, I go to school, I come home, I waste time on the computer, I go to sleep. Repeat. It all goes so slowly during the moment but when i look back at the end of the day, I realize how much of my life i wasted and get upset at myself about it. every night i ask myself what the hell im doing with my life and the answer is nothing. im wasting it. im doing nothing. most nights i just stay up late on facebook or something... i spend the majority of my day in front of a screen and i know its not good for me but im really lazy. my life just feels like an endless...dull, dark tunnel. and theres no light at the end... just blackness forever. the past few nights ive come the closest ive ever been to considering self harm or anything of the likes. i cant help it... one night i was showering and i just sat there under the water for 20 minutes, crying and when i got out, i walked into my room and the first things that came to mind were overdosing on my sleeping pills so that maybe i wont wake up the next morning or cutting myself. it just popped into my mind i didnt even control it... on these really bad nights i really can only keep it bottled up inside... i have no friends that could listen to me or understand what im going thru... my parents dont understand and deny the fact that i even have any issues with depression (although i really think i do)... i really have nobody to turn to. so i came here... this is really my last sliver of hope... talk me out of it because deep down inside... i dont want to do anything. i want life to be good. but why should i believe that things will get better if theyve only been getting worse?

Chuuya November 27th 2012 02:46 AM

Re: I'm almost there...
 
Hey there,

I know i'm not always the biggest help in the chat, I guess I like getting them all down at once, organized is more my style. :nosweat: Anyway, I understand how you feel. Things aren't going wrong, things are better, but it just seems like it's just nothing...that's it....

I think a lot of us here on TH and...everywhere really, waste time, and I know I do, and I know you do. :hug: The thing is, you are the only person who can change the way you do things, so if you're unhappy with how you're living your life...I have one thing to say.

Do something about it.

So, you come home from school and start getting on the computer and wasting time, why not make a goal to do your homework, no matter how mesmerizing the computer might seem. DO it. It's hard and it's painful...but you can do it. You are the only one can change your actions.

Also, self harm and suicide is not the answer either, how's that any better than sitting around doing nothing and wasting life away? You can change these things, you can't change suicide. Don't do something permanently stupid, and I know it's hard for you. I know. We are here for you, no matter what, through whatever, with whatever you need help with.

I hope that this helped a bit. I also recommend calling a hotline if you need to, and you know my inbox is always open. Always :hug: You can do this, stay safe okay? :hug:


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