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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - November 30th 2012, 02:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I marked trigger for ED, just to be safe.

Guys. I try to not ask for advice because I don't like to pull away from you guys, so please. If you have any input, I'd greatly appreciate it. I don't ask for much, and I'm slightly grasping at straws here. I don't even care if it's like, two sentences. Anything helps.

*Tries to keep this on the shorter side to not bore you all*

I've been dealing with major depression for the last like, three years? I used to cut to a point of needing stitches every time, always in the ER, in counseling 10 hours a week, failed out of college, etc. I've been dealing with an Eating Disorder since I was fourteen. I'm pushing 21. It's slightly ridiculous I'm going through all this STILL. Okay, mind you that I don't cut anymore nor am I in counseling that much. So things ARE better, but I need to push past the ED mostly.

Well. It's affecting my relationships with others really bad.. like. It's so bad they they're losing faith in me, saying I don't try as hard as I could, thought I'd be over this, will basically leave if things don't change. And as harsh as that all sounds, it's all true and it came from a very loving place.

After having a panic attack in the bathroom for a bit, and talking to C, I basically decided I need to be done with this. I need to start making a bigger effort. The biggest effort I can to recover from depression and my ED. I'm in counseling, but it's not enough.

My goal is to love myself and my body for what it is. I need to move forward with my life and this is all holding me back.

So. How does one go about loving themselves? How can I make an effort to feel better and have it be effective? I know it doesn't happen over night, but I need to start seeing results.

Really need to get better.
Please help.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - November 30th 2012, 03:04 PM

Hi honey. I'm so sorry that you've been through all this.

And I'm proud of you!! Thank you for posting this!

See, it takes time to learn to love yourself as a whole.
But what did it for me?
(this is going to sound stupid)
But. the Burlesque movie, with Christina Aguilera in it? (Idk if you've seen it, but if you haven't, watch it!)

That movie changed my life.
And Christina Aguilera's whole motto is to always be comfortable in your own skin no matter how you look and to never be ashamed of your appearance on the inside or outside. No matter how tall or skinny or short or dimples or anything!

She is my role model. She taught me how to love myself in the most easy way - Through her music and everything she stands for.
I know it sounds silly, but that's the only way I could have ever learned to love who I am as a whole.

So I suggest trying to find someone you look up to, weather in the business or in real life. And let them guide you.

And if you can't, then start a positive thoughts journal.
Write positive things about yourself in it, along with a quote that you feel up-builds you.
It could help.

I hope that I was of at least some help. :P

Feel free to PM/VM me anytime!
~Kay. :3



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - November 30th 2012, 03:06 PM

Hey Lynds.

I think it's important to recognize the results that you already talked about in your thread. Things like not cutting anymore and well...the fact that you've talked to people about things. Those ARE results. When we first became friends, you were a lot more closed off. You were hurting yourself a lot. In some regards, you still are closed off...and you're still hurting yourself in various ways. But, things HAVE changed, and it's important to take note of that, even if it seems really tiny. Why is it important? Because it's so easy to feel like you've gone nowhere positive in the last few years, and for that to make it seem like you're stuck and you're not going to go anywhere. It gets discouraging.
However, if you do take the time to highlight some of those changes that have been made, no matter how tiny, you can find some encouragement in there, too. You're not the same person you were three years ago, Lynds. And three years from now, you will have changed as well. Trust that, and don't hold yourself back from growing and changing. If that means getting more help than counseling, pursue that. If that means figuring out a way to not pull away from people when you get really honest, figure that out. You don't have to do any of it alone. You convince yourself a lot that you do, but you don't.
I don't know who's been telling you that they're gonna leave if you don't try harder or whatever. And I get tough love. Sometimes you need it to wake you up. I guess I just don't really agree that threatening to leave someone is very loving. BUT. Something has helped you open your eyes a bit more and make this thread and all that, so that's good. I guess I just want you to know that I'm not leaving. Yeah, there's only so much that any of us can do for you, and the rest is pretty much on you, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna bail.
Okay. I've rambled a lot and I haven't even gotten around to offering any advice on how to love yourself
So. Learning to love yourself is not something I'm not super knowledgeable about, because it's something that I'm working on, too. But. Here's what I do know, and what I've been trying...
People aren't static. At least, they don't have to be. A lot of times us not loving ourselves has to do with what we're doing with ourselves instead of who we actually are. Kind of like...we live with a lot of regrets sometimes, but what does that have to do with the person that we actually are right in the present moment? And in the next moment, you get to choose what you'll do next. The more you choose things that play into things that you love and that you're passionate about, the more you become happy with what you do and who you are.
A lot of times, I know you hold things you've done in the past against you and why you're such a "bad" person. But Lynds, just like I said you've changed since three years ago, before that you had changed too. Let's say that someone you were in high school with runs into you sometime. They were a real jerk in high school, but this time around they're super nice, humble, and have pretty much done a 180 personality wise. They apologize to you about how they were in high school, etc. They've changed, and you can see that. Are you going to blow off this new, changed version of said person based on the mistakes they made however many years ago? Maybe, but...I think you'd probably give them a second chance and turn over a new leaf.
So. What about you? What about the changes you've made, and the different person you've become? Don't hold things against yourself...they're in the past, and you've changed. You are changing right now. You're not static.
You're changing to something better Lynds. And if you find that what you're changing to really isn't all that better...well...the beauty is, that can be changed too. Love the positive changes. Love YOU.
Things like this always go slow, Lynds. I don't understand why and I get frustrated with it, as I'm sure most of us do. But a few years from now, I believe you can be at a place where you look back on this moment, these things that you're feeling, and they'll still be a part of you, but they won't carry so much weight in you defining who you are and whether or not you should love yourself. I believe that you can get through, I believe in change. You can believe in it too, lovely.

I hope this has helped. I know I said a lot and I hope it makes sense. If you want me to clarify anything, just give me a holler. I'll do my best!

I love you. You can do this



Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.
PM me anytime <3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - November 30th 2012, 03:39 PM

I HAVE seen Burlesque. I didn't watch it and think about it like that though, so I'll have to watch it again. Thanks so much for the suggestion.

And Emily, thanks for your reply. It's means a lot. thinking about it, yeah, I've actually come a long ways. But sometimes I just don't know how to help myself. Sometimes I feel like I hit a wall when it comes to recovery. Like I can only recover so much. The thought that I need to love myself and advocate for myself scares me. And it is a process. A long process. I just want to get past this hump and keep moving forward with my life. I don't want to feel like this forever. I'm a strong person, so I can do this.

Thanks so much, you two <3


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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - November 30th 2012, 03:57 PM

When you're not sure how to help yourself, that's where other people come in a lot of times. Because they see things from a different perspective than you, so they can give really helpful insight. Like, a lot of times we can get tunnel vision with how we're feeling, and we'll just see things as black or white. But when we let other people share their insight with us, sometimes it can bring us back down to reality where we start to see that there's a lot more than two sides to things. I think it can be easy to convince ourselves that there's only a good side or a bad side, and no middle ground. In the same sense, I think sometimes our feelings get to this point where it's hard to not just focus on them, when in reality, we need to take into account things like the situation, our thoughts, and things that we know to be fact.
I guess it's just important to keep in mind to not really suppress your feelings, but don't let them sail the ship either. Or sink it, for that matter. And don't jump ship and drown in how you're feeling ,either. Cause there's more to everything going on inside you and around you than just how you feel.
I'm not sure if I worded that well, but. Yar. You've got this <3



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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - December 1st 2012, 12:06 AM

Hey there, Lynds.

I don't know how to tell you to love yourself, since I don't love myself either..
but maybe you should go inpatient?

I've heard it helps push people to get better.

sorry I don't have anymore advice for you, but the above posters have seemed to cover it all

Stay strong <3
~paula


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Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
   
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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - December 1st 2012, 02:42 AM

hey you give the best advice so I hope I can somewhat help♥ you've been through a lot & I think you've made it far already. You seem like a sweet, caring, and compassionate person from reading your posts. You deserve to be happy & like you told me, it's about learning to love yourself. You're beautiful on the inside & out & even though someone can tell you that a million times, you have to believe it for yourself. So take a second to think about everything you've been through & the obstacles you've overcome. You made it this far, don't give up now! You can push through this & come out on the other side. You can look back in the future & smile because you did everything you wouldn't have thought in a million years you could do. Have confidence, you're strong<3


When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

   
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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - December 2nd 2012, 11:36 AM

To love yourself, you need to not be concerned with yourself. You need to be absorbed in the world and forget yourself.

A person cannot force love. Flowers do not bloom in the winter; they come in the spring when they conditions are right. Love is the same. The more you focus on yourself, the more intensely you'll see your faults and be depressed, and the less you will love yourself. All your efforts to force yourself to love yourself will likely just be upsetting because when they fail, it will be just another reason to not love yourself.

So what I recommend is to just practice being in the moment and not worrying about whether or not you love yourself. Just try to accept and make peace with the fact that you don't, that you have all the problems/difficulties you're experiencing, and try to accept them as they are without judging them.

You do not need to fix everything in order to heal. You just need to slow down, let the dust settle, and then allow the problems to resolve without forcing them to resolve.

I know that is not great advice, but its the best that I have. Sorry.

I am saying all this because love is kind. Trying to force yourself to be a certain way (or to fix yourself) is not kind, and so it wont bring love. So basically you just need to be kind to yourself. Forgive and accept yourself even if you are broken. That means even accepting the fact that you have trouble accepting yourself. Really it all just comes down to having a kind mindset and everything else will follow.



   
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Re: I need to be done with this. I'm desperate. D: - December 2nd 2012, 03:01 PM

Hey, Lyndsee! First of all, I want to say how proud I am of you for making this thread. I understand your not wanting to ask for help, considering people look up to you as a role model and think you don't have any problems whatsoever. While that is true, we all are here to help one another, no matter what. Don't ever feel afraid to ask for help, all right lovely? <3

Now, I understand the frustration of having an ED for seven years. That's a really long time to struggle with food and your body image, I should know myself. I've had an ED for about that same amount of time, since I was a bit younger than you are now. It's really hard to overcome, and I know you've tried time and time again. Same here, but we always end up losing. Sucks majorly, right?

What really stirs up your appetite is caffiene, maybe lay off the coffee a bit and begin having water. I did a trial run last week, where I only had a cup or two of coffee but two 20 oz bottle of water. I noticed I was less hungry (but had to pee more and got a bit of a migrane more than once). The migrane and frequent peeing may be annoying, but it's worth it.

But don't overdo it! You're already gorgeous as it is and I know you don't want to believe that. I don't want to believe it either, I say I'm ugly and fat. Yes, I do have a big stomach, but with some exercising (that should help too in areas you are unhappy with), I can fix it in months. I want you to think about what you're unhappy with about your body and make a list of ways you can fix it.

Loving yourself comes a very long way. You can begin by saying to yourself "Lyndsee, I don't know what you're thinking but you are amazing! Keep your head high!" or something inspirational like that, and make notes where you're most likely to look. Keep writing them as well, so you can look back upon it. It takes three weeks to begin a habit, but for our brain to accept something that intense, it takes months. Maybe even years. That's a long time, but you need to do it. You can do it, Lynds.

I'm here if you want to talk. Remember, don't be afraid to ask for help! We're all here to help each other, all right? Love you, you can get through this!

<3
   
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