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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cloda Offline
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Unhappy Problems 1-4 of my life, advice welcomed. - November 30th 2012, 06:20 PM

Hi, I have been coping for awhile, but recently I have been falling apart.

The first problem: my old boyfriend kissed another girl (I know not a big deal to most people) and it lead me back to self harm, I cut 6 times on my wrist. He apologised and tried to say he wish he could go back and choose me. I still feel worthless and alone.

The second problem: I found out three days ago that my friend is being beaten badly by his dad, he has scratches on his neck and bruises as well, he refuses to seek help and its breaking my heart to see him like this. I told my Mom and later sat in my room crying. I don't know how to help him.

The third problem: I fear I am pregnant. The old boyfriend I mentioned earlier well the reason we broke up was because he used me for sex and then left me, I stupidly met up with him last Sunday and he kinda pushed me into it. the condom broke and I haven't had my period in awhile. I cant tell my family because they will hate me but I don't want a baby.

The fourth problem: Another one of my friends is drinking all the time. He comes to school almost every Monday drunk, the worrying thing is he's 15 and both his parents are alcoholics. I think I love this boy so its hard watching him throw his life away. I recently told him about my self harm and he was very supportive unlike my old boyfriend who called me a freak and a psychopath, he didn't understand but this boy does. He's made me a deal, every time he sees marks or bruises on my body he will have them the next time I see him. I understand what he's doing trying to get me to stop, I get it but I cut last night and he did one of his 'check-ups' today. He saw the marks and was a bit angry. He left the school for a hurling match and when he came back I saw him limping, he had already threatened he would purposely hurt himself if I didn't show him the marks so I did but now I am worried he hurt himself purposely to prove a point to me.

I would like to know id anyone has any solutions for me, thanks.
   
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Re: Problems 1-4 of my life, advice welcomed. - December 1st 2012, 01:06 AM

Hi
I'm So sorry all of these things are going on it must be so overwelming.
If your old boyfriend is just using you for sex, then you don't to be with him. Because yu seem like you don't want to do it, and you shouldn't be forced into it.
For your friend who is being abused by his dad do you think you could reach out to someone who could stop it like a counselor at school, or a teacher, they could get him help.
If you think you are pregnant you should tell your mom or dad or a family member that you are comfortable with. And maybe even get tested. because you shouldnt go through it alone.
You friend he is so nice. Try to make a deal with him like you will stop cutting if he stops drinking or just talk to him about drinking.
If you need anyone to talk to i'm always here.
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Re: Problems 1-4 of my life, advice welcomed. - December 1st 2012, 03:51 AM

Hi Cloda!
I'm so sorry about all these things. I'm glad you're trying to get advice and get help, sweetie.

Feeling that way is normal after he kissed another girl. It IS a big deal. He's your boyfriend, he's supposed to only be intimate and loving with you. Not anyone else. You deserve someone that makes you happy, not make you hurt yourself and feel worthless. That's not what a partner is, honey.

About your friend, I'm so sorry to hear. That's terrible... I've been there, with a friend of mine. I always cry thinking about it. Except my friend was sexually abused. It hurts badly either way. I know how you feel, honey... You're a good friend for caring that much. I'm glad you were able to tell your mom though. Even though he refuses to get help, I'd tell someone or have your mom go to the police. That's child abuse. Your friend may be angry at you for telling someone but that's because he's scared. If he has bruises and such on him then it's easy to tell it's child abuse. Once they arrest his dad he'll be safe. He won't be beaten anymore. Your friend will someday be thankful. Who's to say his dad won't someday go further and hurt him seriously bad? You could save his life by doing this.

Gosh... That's awful. I'm sorry he used you. You just deserve so much better than this, honey... Umm... When did you last have your period?
Firstly, look for the signs of being pregnant, have you had any of the following symptoms?

Missed period
Unusual or abnormal period
Just "feeling" pregnant
Nausea and Vomiting
Changes in libido (Sex drive)
Soreness of the Breasts
Enlargement of the Breasts
Frequent Urination


In about a week, I'd suggest taking a pregnancy test. Two to make sure. Or going to a free youth clinic after school and having a test done. I'm pretty sure it's confidential.

Your friend sounds very caring, very sweet and I understand he wants you to stop self-harming but this isn't the way... Of course he cares but knowing someone we love is hurting themselves every time you do only adds more stress and sadness. It makes things worse... Explain this to him. For the drinking, tell him what you told us... You don't wanna see him like this. Throwing his life away. Tell him that you care. I think it'd be wise to tell a counselor at school or a principle about his drinking so he can get some help. He may be upset but it'll help him in the long run. Let him know you're there for him.
But also... I like the sound of what Eva said. I think you should try that first. I once did something like that with a friend, told him I'd stop something if he stopped. It worked as far as I know. c:
I honestly hope things get better for you. Remember, you matter. Never let a guy make you believe otherwise.

Here are some links I think will help you out. A few may be triggering though. I'd certainly check out the hotlines for your friend and the self-harm alternatives for you.

Take this to heart

This is NOT a losing fight!

Hotlines

Alternatives to Self-Harm

Hold On (to Hope)

Hope I helped!
Feel free to PM/VM me anytime if you ever need anything.
Stay strong, Cloda. You can do this. <3

~ Christabel

Last edited by DeletedAccount17; December 1st 2012 at 04:10 AM.
   
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cloda Offline
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Re: Problems 1-4 of my life, advice welcomed. - December 9th 2012, 08:41 PM

i took a test today, it was negative im not pregnant ..... im a bit scared that the test was wrong though :/
   
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Re: Problems 1-4 of my life, advice welcomed. - December 9th 2012, 11:19 PM

That's good. If you want, you can get another test to ease your worries. c:

~ Christabel
   
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