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Aesir645 Offline
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Name: PJ
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I hate everyhing about myself - December 2nd 2012, 05:18 AM

I hate everything about me. I hate my strange personality. I hate my physical appearance. I'm overweight and nothing I do gets rid of it. Weeks at the gym and practically cutting calories in half and nothing. I'm always angry and sad and suicidal. I see no point in being happy because someone or something ALWAYS f*cks it up for me. My parents and anyone related to me are always reminding me about how fat I am. As if I'm not reminded every time I go to the gym. I hate how I'm nice to everyone and the one day I'm not instantly compliant with someone, I'm hated. I'm tired of trying so so hard in school and then the people who play around get all the breaks. Most of all, I hate everyone who is happy when I'm not allowed to be because as I said before, someone or something always messes it up for me. Seeing happy couples, best friends, even my happily married parents, knowing I'll never feel that kind of happiness or any. Why was I even born in the first place? What use am I to this world?
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Re: I hate everyhing about myself - December 2nd 2012, 11:14 AM

Hi, sorry to hear you're suffering so much.

To handle weight issues, I highly recommend reading Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes. Starving yourself and killing yourself at the gym wont necessarily help. Exercise increases appetite, which could even worsen things if you are eating the wrong sorts of foods. Semi starving (reducing calories by half) yourself wont work either. Your body consumes fat to muscle at a 3:2 ratio when semi-starved, meaning that you would be dead before you loose enough weight to really make a difference. It mostly comes down to healthy eating choices (mainly just reducing/eliminating floury and starchy carbohydrates and fructose), and of course sleeping/relaxing helps.

TBH, it is horrible that we tell anyone with a weight problem that they need to go to the gym. Overexercising and undereating is really just another form of self-harm.

You are allowed to be happy. I don't know how to explain, but basically you deserve to be happy regardless of all your faults. Things will go better or worse, but your happiness shouldn't be subject solely to them. As corny as it sounds, happiness should not be based on externals- it should only be based on internals.

Feel free to PM me to talk or ask questions. I'm im Houston too, so we probably have a lot in common.

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