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I need to break this cycle... - December 2nd 2012, 02:52 PM

I'm so empty right now. I don't know what to do and not doing anything is just bringing me with a worse situation.

The last 3 months of my life have been something different. I left my country and went to study in a university in Germany thinking that my life would awesome from that point forward. Big misconception. I have no friends here, it's hard to keep up with the classes and I'm just sad the whole time, because of yeah not having friends and classes being hard.

I know that classes should be hard and I think if I resolve the other aspect then I'll also be more efficient while working. But I can't make new friends!! I spent 3 months trying to make new friends, but as I start to get closer to someone, I push them away. I make plans with them and then I make up an excuse and don't pull through or something like that. And when we meet, I just think of it as a challenge to keep them interested in me so I don't lose them... That's why I avoid meeting up with them, because if I never try then I never fail...

I feel so lonely, but I just push people away... Friday I was at a bar with a friend from my home country and a girl sat next to me and started trying to get my attention, but I didn't try to talk to her and she kept insisting and I kept not showing interest, even though having a friend is the thing I want most now.

I never thought this was going to be this way. I always thought I was going to change when I left home and started living alone, but spending half of my day inside of my room trying to get the courage to post my feelings on a forum and crying doesn't correspond to what I thought college life would be like...
   
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Re: I need to break this cycle... - December 2nd 2012, 03:08 PM

You know, a lot of us have misconception about what college life will be like when we finish high school. We all are ready to say goodbye to the place we called home for so long and to go out into the world, make new friends, be independent. But it's not easy, it isn't black and white. College life is scary and overwhelming. What was your reason for choosing a university in another country and not your own? While it is nice to be in another country whether for school, work or leisure, you need to think about it. You'll be hundreds or thousands of miles away from the place you call home, some people don't adjust as well. You need to prepare yourself for the life in another country, do some research first.

Why do you keep pushing people away? Is it because you know you won't be in Germany for long and having friends in another country won't work so well? Overseas friendship, like those here on this site, do work if you share enough interests and talk enough. But you see these people face to face. Don't be afraid to hang out with them. If you ask them to go to the coffee shop, then stick to that commitment. Don't back out, because now they're thinking you don't like them when really you're just nervous.
   
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Re: I need to break this cycle... - December 2nd 2012, 03:31 PM

I'm completly sure that I want to be here in Germany. I've been in a german school for 8 years and not taking advantage of my skills would be a waste. I felt like I needed to get out of my parent's home and starting living an independant life. The education here is also much better than the education I would get back in my country. And I'm sure that the problems that I currently have now would also have happend if I had stayed at home. I don't miss the friends I had, because some of them left the country aswell and I didn't have a lot of friends to begin with.

The problem is that I had such huge expectations from moving away from home and until I've seen that one thing has become true. I have a lot more freedom and that's great. It's really something amazing that I didn't have while I lived with my parents.

I expected to meet interesting people, people with my interests, but I've only seen people who are completly focused on studying the whole time and disregard their free time. I'm not interested in meeting up with them, because we would only talk about classes. And this is not something I'm telling myself, I've tried meeting up with some people in my course, but they only talk about college. It's a common topic and honestly I don't know what else we should talk about. I've tried changing topic, but then we just turn silent. This happens both in groups and 1v1 conversations. With several people.

That's why I say the problem is me. I'm the common element in midst of all the examples. Because of that I try to alienate myself so that they can be happy talking about whatever they want without me around. I've spent the first month trying to make friends and on the 2nd and 3rd month I realized this and progressively stopped trying to force relationships. I convinced myself that the right thing would happen at the right time and then I would be able to act. But the "right thing" isn't coming and I'm starting to get desperate...
   
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