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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Stiena Offline
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Pushed to the breaking point - December 15th 2012, 06:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't take much more of this.. I've been suicidal since I was 11. I've lost count of the times I have attempted. I'm so upset and frustrated all the time; I don't know how else to escape and I'm out of patience and coping resources.

Because I live in the middle of nowhere, I have no way of getting a job to leave, I have no car, I have no relatives I'm willing to stay with, and I'm alone all the time. I HATE how I'm living! My life is NOTHING! I have only 3 people I talk to at school, and school itself is making me lose my mind. I can't quit because then my abusers will withold the only reason I'm alive: my boyfriend. I can't tell anybody what's going on at home because I'm 18 and they'll only remove you in the first place if they catch physical abuse in action.


I am not alone- not beaten down just yet.. I am not afraid of the voices in my head. Down the darkest road, something follows me! I am not alone.. 'Cause misery loves my company!
   
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Re: Pushed to the breaking point - December 15th 2012, 09:40 PM

Hi, Christian! I'm Christabel. I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through.

Can you tell a friend, your boyfriend or counselor/teacher about what's going on at home? I'm sure if you talked to some people about it they'll keep an eye on things and that could be the first step of getting help. It's better than being alone and staying silent.
Here's a list of hotlines.
Howcome you don't wanna move in with a relative?

Suicide isn't the answer. Take this to heart, all the times you've tried and didn't succeed then that's a sign your life is important, God loves you, you deserve to live. You're a special person that doesn't deserve this abuse not one bit. You're eighteen, soon you'll have the freedom of trying for a job (could your boyfriend carry you?) then you can work your way up, get a cheap apartment maybe, then work for a car. Just work your way up. It'll all be okay, you're still here, alive, at 18. You deserve to live your life. Please don't go through with suicide.

Here, read some of these links. You deserve to feel okay.

1

2

3

4

You still have your whole life ahead of you. Your wedding, that moment you hold your first child in your hands. So many amazing moments await you. Don't throw it away with suicide. I know you can get through this. If you ever need to talk you can PM/VM or email me (my email is in my signature). We can talk if you need. I'll be your friend and I won't betray you. You're an amazing, special person that's so full of love. Your life is worth it.
Stay strong, sweetie. I know you can do this. You're amazing. <3

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Pushed to the breaking point - December 15th 2012, 10:17 PM

I had a social worker who knew exactly what was going on and she did nothing. I'm not willing to wait until it escalates to physical abuse. I barely get food, I never get to see a doctor despite ailments, etc.. Nobody cares because I'll just be blamed.

All of my adult relatives are completely insane, and there is no love in my heart for any of them. Not to mention, they'd just think I was lying and tell my parents.

My boyfriend doesn't have a car either. We see each other by my parent's transportation which is why I can't quit school.

I don't want to kill myself, but I'm tired of suffering. A life of torture is not a life worth living.



I am not alone- not beaten down just yet.. I am not afraid of the voices in my head. Down the darkest road, something follows me! I am not alone.. 'Cause misery loves my company!
   
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