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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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whoathere Offline
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eeergh suicidal thought - December 26th 2012, 01:59 AM

A few nights ago, I was laying in bed and feeling extremely depressed and I think I had my first suicidal thought. When I say suicidal, I mean actually contemplating the idea without it being in a joking or completely dismissing it.

It was odd and scary because that's never happened before and, although I know I'd never do something like that, it sorta tells me how far my depression has gone. I have a good life-- I have friends, family, I'm apart of the upper middle class, and I don't have problems with bullies, but I just get in these terrible moods where I tell myself things like "oh, nobody cares", "they hang out with you because they take pity on you", or "the future is gonna suck-- you'll be stuck in some 9 to 5 job, get married to a terrible guy, and have two terrible kids, and then you'll die having done nothing of any value", "you're too stupid", etc, etc, etc.

I have no reason to really believe these things but often I do find myself thinking them quite seriously as of late. Maybe my problems aren't as serious as I think they are-- maybe it's just the result of being a hormonal teenager, or maybe it's because my brain is dipped in a vat of serotonin.

My question is: should I seek therapy/ some type of professional help? On one hand, yes I should before it progresses any further but I'm not entirely sure that I was seriously serious when I thought the suicidal thought (which wasn't entirely suicidal, just implication based, like: 'is life even worth it anyways?'). On the other hand, I don't know if I'm depressed enough because it's not a constant sensation but rather it comes in waves, and I don't want to make my mom worry.

The feeling may pass, or it may progress, or it may be just a phase and that has me so confused.
   
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Re: eeergh suicidal thought - December 26th 2012, 08:45 AM

Hey, there!
Good that you do have a pretty good life in general because a horrible life in reality certainly wouldn't help matters but I know these feelings can creep up on you either way. It could be teenage hormones or depression and that's why I think it'd be really good to see a therapist. Your mom may be worried but she needs to know instead of being kept in the dark. That way she can help you better and know, as your mother. She deserves that.

I understand suicidal thoughts can be fairly scary but it's important to not dismiss that. It definitely has a chance to progress and turn into a really lonely trapped feeling. Please address it while you can yourself. Your mom will be a lot more worried if the depression gets worse and you're in bed all day not ever wanting to come out, even to eat. This is important.

Try your best to stay around family and friends and do hobbies or find new hobbies you enjoy. Listen to music you like. Do things that make you happy. Remind yourself everyday that you are special and people do care so much about you, and so should you. The future is what you shape it to be so do your best with school and think of your dreams rather than depression telling you to think of how much you'll be a failure. I'm sure your friends love you for who you are and enjoy being around you.

As for marrying a terrible guy, and having terrible kids. You can always have your own choice of who you marry. That's what dating is all about. Deciding what you want and what works. And finding someone you truly love and could spend a long and happy life together with. Don't ever let a guy pressure you into marriage or a relationship you don't want. There's someone out there for you, just look. You still have your whole life ahead of you. Your kids are also what you raise them to be, teach them the importance of morals and life. I'm sure you'll raise great kids.

Don't worry about the future, I'm sure such a great girl like you will have lots of great friends, a wonderful prince charming of a guy, and great kids. Focus on the positive and think of the positives of the future. You never know how much greatness is ahead for you. Never actually in reality take your own life. You're here for a reason.

Seeing a therapist is important, I say please do. c: I've lied in bed feeling that way as well so I know how it can feel so I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. I know how lonely these feelings can sometimes be. I'm here for you, always. All my contact info is in my signature. Hope I helped.

Never give up. Have faith. Stay amazing. Stay strong. <3

~ Christabel
   
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Re: eeergh suicidal thought - December 29th 2012, 01:40 AM

Hello,

I remember when I was your age I to had those thoughts. It would consume me and I would start crying and thinking of sad things...it was aweful.
I can say that in my opinion the fact that you even said "my brain is dipped in a vat of serotonin" Tells me that you are SMART and will NOT have a 9 to 5 job. Although I have a 9 to 5 job and its not boring and mindless, not at all what everyone tells you
You are just starting out...now is the time for all those fun things to happen...driving!! Summer Job! All the firsts...I loved going through them.

If you think your need therapy, I say go for it. Talk to your mother about it, i'm sure she would want her child to be happy and not sad. If you can't talk to your mom about it, I'd talk to a teacher you like and trust, or another relative about it.


Beth



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Don't Let Your Character Change Color With Your Environment, Find Out Who You Are And Let It Stay It's True Color - Rachel Scott
   
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