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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Speckled Gecko Offline
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Name: Sophie
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Unhappy Only feel 'happy' when thinking of my suicide. - January 1st 2013, 01:04 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is not just about something going wrong currently, I need to die! It is the only way in which people won't feel they have to be nice to me. I have friends but only because they feel sorry for me, my family only love me because they feel they have to and I'm going to fail getting the qualifications I need to do the job I want. Me finally dying is the thought i have every waking minute and keeps me going knowing that I won't be here much longer. None of this is actually a question- see, I can't even do this right!
Any replies would be appreciated, and yes I expect some people to just tell me to die and stop whining, no worries.
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Re: Only feel 'happy' when thinking of my suicide. - January 1st 2013, 01:12 AM

Do you ever think about why the prospect of suicide makes you happy? For me it was a matter of control...I felt in control of my destiny when I knew I could end my life. But death does not excite or interest me, to be honest it scares me.

The neon burns a hole in the night, and the Freon burns a hole in the sky.
You can find my kind living right on the fault line, eyes on the seaside, lives on the B-side, kites on the power lines.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Only feel 'happy' when thinking of my suicide. - January 1st 2013, 01:29 AM

I'm glad you're reaching out to us.

They aren't being nice because they feel forced, it's because they care. I care and I'm just some person on the inernet. Could you imagine someone finding you lifeless? How horryifing that would be for them? It would be terrible. You'd be missed.

You can do things right, it's the depression talking. You have to want it. You have to want to get better for yourself, not for other people.

Once you commit suicide, you don't come back. There's no second chances. You're on this earth for a reason, you have to find that reason.

When I wrote my suicide note and planned my suicide (obviously it didn't work) I was calm. Like Jay said, my death would scare me too.

Depression is like being stuck in your own head. You have to beat the demons inside.

You can do this, keep fighting! Message me if you need anything.

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Re: Only feel 'happy' when thinking of my suicide. - January 1st 2013, 01:35 AM

Like other Jay said, that was the reason for me as well, but death didn't scare me, I wanted it and knew it was lurking around the corner for me, but I'm still here, aren't I?! I know how you feel, but suicide isn't worth it. Stop feeling so negative, because it WILL get better. I know it will, gorgeous,

Stay strong, and if you want a shoulder to cry on, PM me, I don't bite.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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Re: Only feel 'happy' when thinking of my suicide. - January 1st 2013, 06:20 AM

I'm thankful you're reaching out, Sophie. But listen, sweetie, you don't need suicide. It's not the answer. I know you may think that they only act like they care because they have to, but trust me, that's not it. If they didn't care, then they wouldn't make the effort. Listen, please breathe in, breathe out. You are a beautiful person that deserves life to the fullest. You are granted life, don't throw it away.

You have friends, family, that obviously cares about you. Try to realize that and put your mind on that. Take the depression tinted glasses off to see it clearly, that you are loved. I know that everyone around you would be devastated if you decided to commit suicide. Wondering everyday what they could have done differently, what they did wrong... Etc. It's not worth the pain for you, your family, and your friends. You always have someone in life that loves you so much, even if you don't realize that.

Believe in yourself, that's the only way to get through this. Wake up tomorrow and say to yourself: "I can do this, I'm gonna live this day beautifully". I know this is easier said than done but try your very best to gain a new vision on life. Know that you matter and you're worth it, see all the beauty around you. Everyone that loves you, the beautiful places all around us you have yet to see and realize. You gotta look beyond the darkness to see the light. You know, once someone put a small seed in the ground. The seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be stuck in the darkness and find it's way out. That's life, you have to make it out of the darkness because there's light at the top for sure. Every hard thing in life helps you grow more beautifully and better for it.

I know suicide may seem like the only way out, but it's truly not. Things don't always stay this bad. Now I know life must have been rough and you must have had it hard but you're 18, you have so much life to experience and suicide, it's just simply not worth it.
You'll meet that special someone.
Walk down the aisle smiling, see your special one smiling with happy tears.
You'll kiss them, feel like everything is going right.
Go through some difficulties but with all the experience you've had now, you will be able to pick yourself and the other person up. With the help of Love.
Hold your baby in your arms for the first time and the baby smiles at you and grabs your thumb.

You have the chance to marry, to be loved and love someone yourself. You have the chance to create life. Why throw that away? Overcoming every difficult thing in life makes you better for it and gives you more tools every single time to better equip you for the future. Don't refuse the tools, accept them and build a house. Sure, there are bad moments, bad weeks and months, but all the good makes up for it.

Please realize that. You're here for a reason. Realize you're special,
You're worth it
You're important
You can do this
You are Loved

Never surrender,
Never give up,
Never let go, for love will prevail,
You can win,

You are an amazing and beautiful person inside and out. Don't throw all those things away. If you ever feel like you may commit suicide, please call a hotline or call up a friend. I also really suggest talking to a counselor/friend/therapist/parents about your feelings and thoughts of suicide. Happiness awaits at the top.

Try to find a new hobby you enjoy. Write your feelings down in a journal to express yourself. Draw, play games, go for a walk/run, take a nice bubble bath to relax yourself. Watch TV/Movies.

Once you get out of this you'll see how much you're worth it. I'm always here for you. All my contact info is in my signature.

Stay strong <3

~ Christabel
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