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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DedeTHESeed Offline
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Unhappy Hospitalized over 12 times in 4 weeks - January 1st 2013, 03:57 PM

Recently my suicidal thoughts and self harming has sky rocketed out the roof. Since Im home alone mostly, I always try to find a way to escape life. 3 weeks ago I tried to commit suicide multiple times in different ways. I dont know what to do anymore. I get hospitalized almost everyday. Recently I told the police that I would kill myself at a specific time and date and place, but they arrested me and put me in a straitjacket and put me in a mental hospital. Now I have to live and try get through a day without getting suicidal thoughts or trying to hurt myself..

I already written out my suicide notes and planned everything but i dont want to die but my thoughts are too controlling and i have no idea what to do

help ?

Last edited by Palmolive; January 1st 2013 at 09:12 PM. Reason: Removing methods of suicide and removing prefix
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hospitalized over 12 times in 4 weeks - January 1st 2013, 05:07 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry that things are so tough right now, but maybe it would be a good idea to take these serious thoughts of suicide and harming yourself as a hint to reach out to people and get some help. You say you have been hospitalised that much in such a short amount of time, and really, that's cause for concern! I'm not sure how it works where you live, but perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to someone professional about the problems you're having, because leaving yourself in danger is not a good idea. Since you say you don't want to die, it is a wonderful idea to talk to someone and get some help so that you don't have to, because after all, even though the thoughts are harsh, you are in control of your actions and if you receive help, it will be easier to realise this.

When these thoughts happen, how do you deal with them? Is it a matter of trying to ignore them and distract yourself, or do you find it's too hard and turn straight to the harmful forms of coping, such as attempts and self harm? If it's the latter, perhaps it's time to find ways to avoid doing this. As I said before, you are in control of your actions and while SH and attempting to hurt yourself tend to be the easiest option for you, there are better ways to deal with it. The problem is that once you get into these things, such as cutting yourself, they become addictive. Every time you find yourself struggling you turn to it because you're used to it. You have it in your mind that the last time you used it, it helped for a brief moment, and that if you use it again it will too. But it doesn't and that's the trick. You have to understand that it does not solve the problem you're dealing with.

Sure, it may seem like at the time it helps. It takes your mind off of things, sure, but are you any better having done it? I doubt it. All you're doing is adding more problems and making it even harder to deal with. The thing I'm taking from this is that you've developed this coping strategy and at first it helped, but now it's become the problem that you're dealing with most. It's become a problem in itself and you can't fight fire with fire. It's time to turn to the more healthy forms of coping, such as breathing exercises and distractions. If you take a look here you'll find a list of things put together by people here which may be useful when it comes to finding things to do to stop you giving into these urges to hurt yourself. I know it will be difficult, and not all of these will work, but keep at it and find something that will, because it's a lot easier to get through life without the added baggage of self harm.

I hope this has helped a bit. Remember that you don't need to do this to yourself. You're here not to hurt, but to live, and kicking these habits will help you do that. Take it from me, life is a lot easier without the constant urges to hurt yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but it's possible and if it is, then there's no reason why you shouldn't go for it! You do have it in you to beat this and as hard as it might be, you can. I completely believe that.

Keep your chin up okay? Fight this because you CAN win.
Hollie.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: Hospitalized over 12 times in 4 weeks - January 1st 2013, 05:10 PM

Hey there,I m sorry for what you feeling.You got to be brave to overcome your thoughts.Try talking out your feelings y do you feel so to someone you trust they might be able to help you...If you wanna talk any time feel free to message me.. Stay strong
   
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: Hospitalized over 12 times in 4 weeks - January 1st 2013, 05:23 PM

I see my doctor weekly and a few weeks ago we spoke about how when a person becomes incredibly low, they can't function and the majority of the time, that means they can't even plan out suicide never mind commit suicide. People like you and me, and a whole load of other people, are sure, low and life might be real hard for us, but we're some what functioning. Clearly you are thinking, even maybe a little too much and you're functioning well enough to write this and we spoke about how people like yourself, even though they might be in recovery are more vulnerable than people who are at the lowest point they could even be because we're functioning to make plans on the suicidal thoughts and we're functioning well enough to actually act on the thoughts we're having.

And that can either be a bad thing, because it makes us very vulnerable or we can try and use it in a better way, we can use the fact that we are functioning well and use all our energy and thought processes to work on recovery, helping ourselves and getting better. Sure, it's going to be hard but we have so much control. These thoughts, they can't hurt you. Sure, thinking this way and feeling this way isn't pleasant and can be really hard but these are all your actions. You are the person doing this to yourself and I know beating the thoughts is hard, but deep down you don't want to die, you've said that yourself and you don't deserve to go through it. It's painful, I've been there again and again. Only a few weeks ago I was admitted into hospital from an overdose and I made myself incredibly ill, it's not nice, I know that and you know that. Is it really worth putting yourself through it. You're tried more than once but it's getting no where. You're getting no where from doing it.

But you have to do the hard work in this otherwise no one in the world will be able to help you. Start thinking about what you really want in life. What you want to do in your future. Think about it, really think about it. Focus on it and work for it. Be the change you want to see. Start getting the help, talk to people, let them in. Do you have any support from mental health services? If you don't, talk to your doctor and explain how you feel and what's going on. If you do see a counsellor/therapist start to work with them and help yourself and if you do, you'll get there. Recovery is possible and millions of people get through what you're going through and if all those millions can do it, so can you.

Find things that help you. Sure, it's going to be a bit of a trial and error process but it'll be worth it. Some people find being active helps, so you can try doing things like running, boxing, going to the gym, swimming and so on. I do know a lot of people have encouraged me to to things like yoga, which I'm starting to do. But I've always found writing very helpful, I write pages and pages. Do you ever try doing it? Or maybe doing something like art or even something like photography might be helpful to you. Try things hard and use the ones that work and even keep on trying the ones that don't.

And you are worth it. You deserve love and happiness and the world can be so beautiful. Start fighting, fight depression and work hard, you can do it, you just need to focus and believe.

Don't be alone. You're always welcome to come to us. Keep smiling, you've got this.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: Hospitalized over 12 times in 4 weeks - January 3rd 2013, 04:01 AM

I agree with what everyone above has said, I have noting else to add really. But you are worth every second you breath. You are loved and cared for. Stay strong!


"Smiling is only a symptom of happiness and can be faked."





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Re: Hospitalized over 12 times in 4 weeks - January 3rd 2013, 05:30 AM

Hey, Dede. I'm Christabel.

I'm so sorry to hear that things are so rough right now. Do you mind if I ask what else besides being home alone is making you feel this low? Although I gotta say, I think you're amazing for reaching out to us. How about treating yourself to a nice fun night to blow off steam? Maybe make some new friends and so you won't be alone, you'll be with people. Can you go visit family? Could you talk with a therapist?

From reading your post... You don't wanna end it, you just don't wanna be in emotional pain anymore, yeah? I understand that, but please realize that these thoughts don't have to get the best of you. You can be in control of how you feel. Feel out the negative emotions, feel what you have to, then block them out. Do something you enjoy and that makes you happy.

Someday, things will be brighter for you and you'll be able to leave all the pain behind. Someday these feelings will be the past, not reality. Hang in there, hun. You can talk to me if you ever need anything.

Stay strong <3

~ Christabel
   
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