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I feel like I may end up suicidal or running away - January 2nd 2013, 08:12 PM

All I want to do lately is just sit and cry. I've always had to deal with high stress and the only friends I can turn to have completely blown me over. One deals with severe depression and suicidal thoughts so no matter what I say I'm always being negative according to her. I can tell her how my mother told me I was a useless b**** that will never amount to anything and she will tell my that I'm being whiny and looking at everything negatively. As for my other friend, the one i can actually talk to...well she now has a boyfriend and so she's too busy talking to him to ever just text me a hello let alone listen when I need advice. As for the two friends I have at my school, for the past 2 months they act as though I don't exist. Being 16 that's really hard. Especially since even my family acts as though I'm not there and like my problems, my stress, my loneliness is nothing. My loneliness is the biggest problem. I moved to a farm from a big city and so it feels like I've become the only person in the world.
I know there is much worse things to deal with but with no one to talk to, with no one who listens to me or even seems to care about how I feel it hurts a lot. After 3 months I've finally reached a point where I'm starting to think about what cutting feels like. It scares me so much! I've always been optimistic but now I'm just...empty. I feel as though I have a cold set into my bones that will not leave. I feel numb. I just don't know what to do anymore. All my life people have commented that I'm too hyper, too talkative, too stubborn, too shy, too carefree, too everything and that's really affected my self-esteem so now with everyone acting the way they have been it I feel like everyone hates me, like I'm never good enough.
I feel like if I keep going on like this I'll eventually hit the point where I do enter severe depression and suicidal thoughts. I just don't fit in anywhere. All I'd like is for someone to actually read this, for someone to give me advice. Please...just...please. I need to feel like someone is listening.
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Re: I feel like I may end up suicidal or running away - January 2nd 2013, 08:28 PM

Hey, sweetie.

My name's Hamed, seventeen year old student, writer, drummer and stacks more from Sydney. I am so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time at the moment. Being our age is really very difficult and feeling like this is really very scary, especially when you feel like you're alone when dealing with it.

Feeling lonely is the worst hey? Well you shouldn't have to feel lonely, because I am here to help. I want you to get better because I know feeling like this is something you do not deserve and I know I am not the only one. Sweetie my biggest advice is NOT to turn to cutting. You don't deserve to hurt yourself and cutting feels very bad. More than anything, please don't go there.

I know you don't want to feel like this and I know you are feeling quite scared at the moment but believe me, you are not alone. I know you are extremely scared that it might get to the point where you are feeling suicidal but believe me, it doesn't have to be like that. It doesn't have to get to that point because you have people to support you. Myself and the guys from TeenHelp are some and I know we're not the only ones.

You don't want to feel like this and it doesn't have to get to that very serious point, you can get better and I know you have the strength to make it happen . Try not to expect miracles of yourself. If you think you need some help getting through it, please feel free to take it. Getting support from us is a good avenue but maybe potentially talking to someone about some of these issues, potentially a councellor, your school councellor. They're anonymous and totally free at schools and a heap of other places, so you don't have to go it alone. Don't be Superman, if you need help, people love you and will give it to you becaue they want you to get better.

Feeling lonely and having these issues, it's the worst and I hate hearing you're going through this .

“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.
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Re: I feel like I may end up suicidal or running away - January 3rd 2013, 10:52 AM

Hi there, sweetie, I'm Christabel, I posted on your profile I'm so sorry you're dealing with these things, I know it's gotta be extremely hard on you.

Honey, you sound like myself. I really do understand the loneliness as I don't really know anyone in real life either. What I do, is I listen to music, watch TV/Movies, I play Games, I read some books. Fantasy and media is actually a way to escape and lose yourself. Find something you enjoy, it could become a hobby. How about walking/running whenever you start feeling bad? I always like reading/watching fantasy stuff that couldn't physically be possible because, it's a really nice way to drown out all the problems in life and be able to enjoy something. It definitely expanded my mind and made me develop a different mindset of the world, seeing things magical if that makes any sense... You say you live on a farm? How about taking advantage of it and go horseback riding. That could be nice.

Also, I gotta make this statement... As a self-harmer, you really do not need to turn to cutting. You may feel like it's your only escape, but eventually it'll get addictive and it's the only outlet you use. Till you start running out of places to do it... It's so hard to hide and confess. Either way, it'll get you in a jam and will prevent you from dealing with problems in a healthy way. I know things are hard but it's just not worth it. You don't deserve to have to hurt yourself to feel okay.

Your friend that blows you off for her boyfriend, she's totally not worth it. Remember, wait for friends that you deserve rather than dealing with one. I understand your friend is dealing with some hard times... I know it's hard but try not to take it personal because it's not about you. She probably doesn't truly mean what she said. It still does not give her the right to take it out on you. So of course you have a right to be angry over that. Sorry if that makes no sense. Trying to offer some understanding. And hey... The most beautiful thing a person can be, is to be their self. You're beautiful inside and out. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

How about talking to your school counselor?

I know you're scared, but I know that you can do this. Hamed is right, he's here for you, and I definitely am here for you. Plus all the rest of us at TeenHelp. =) You don't have to go to a dark place. We're all here for you with love and support. You don't have to be alone anymore, in fact, you don't have to go through this alone. You got this now and you can do it, I know it, you don't have to be scared. You can talk to me anytime you want, I'll reply as soon as I can. All my contact info is in my signature but to be honest, I'm most active on TeenHelp so I'll answer much more quickly on here.

Stay strong. <3

~ Christabel
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