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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Speckled Gecko Offline
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Name: Sophie
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 66
Join Date: January 14th 2012

Unhappy The final straw :'( - January 3rd 2013, 12:42 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Firstly I'm sorry to everyone that reads this and believes I'm just being a whiney, annoying wuss (I don't blame you I think I am too!). But for anyone that still wants to read this, advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm not very good at describing my feelings etc so it'll probably sound stupid...
Okay, I suffer from depression and I think about ending things many times every day. Its been getting worse and worse for the past few months and I have a number of plans in place for the end. The absolute only thing keeping me here is I don't want people to hate me when I'm dead. Now though, I've just found out that the welfare person I see at Uni, who I've just started to open up to, is leaving. This is the final straw for me, I can't deal with that too. I hate me, everyone else hates me, so my death would not make a difference! How do you stop yourself going through with things?
Sorry, rant rant rant from a stupid complete waste of space!
   
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Re: The final straw :'( - January 3rd 2013, 12:45 PM

I was thinking the same exact thing 6 months ago, but we affect pple that we don't realize we do. out everyone you've crossed paths with atleast one of them with be affected by it cause on some level they care. and know i don't hate you.
   
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Re: The final straw :'( - January 12th 2013, 05:34 AM

Hi, Sophie. So sorry about how you're feeling. I realize things must be pretty rough.

I don't believe you're a whiney, annoying wuss. But I see how you must feel pretty frustrated, sad and feel as everyone hates you, like nothing goes right. I understand that, I really do. The fact that you hate yourself but yet you still posted this asking for some advice, shows that there's still hope and you wanna get better. Use that for motivation. The fact that everyone hates you but you don't wanna act on these thoughts on suicide shows that you already know that they don't hate you. Beneath all this sadness and depression, deep down you know you are loved. Take that into consideration, depression wants you to believe nobody loves you when in reality they love you dearly. Listen to your gut and your heart, not your thoughts. Follow your heart, rid of all your plans, have faith, believe in yourself. May I ask what brought you here to this much sadness to lead you this far?

I'm sorry about that person leaving. It sounds as you've been speaking to your welfare person for awhile if you've started to open up? Can you talk to that person via E-Mail/Text/phone? Or a website? If you're 18, can you speak to a therapist or a counselor? Can you tell your family/friends about how you're feeling? I think some support could make a lot of difference. Telling someone. Think about how the person you're closest to, think about how much it'd hurt them that you're hurting this much. Use that as a motivator to get better. Whenever you feel sad, or feel you may go through with suicidal thoughts, think about that person and go do something with that person or call them up. Or if they're busy do something you enjoy or used to enjoy. If you really feel like you may act on suicidal thoughts then please call a hotline.

Some things that could help when you're upset are (some depend on weather where you are though) :
  • Go for a walk or a run
  • Watch a funny Movie/TV show (like Loony Tunes. Complete silliness is never bad!)
  • Draw
  • Paint (if you're not a painter, the Paint By Numbers thing is pretty fun)
  • Take an Art class
  • Take a warm bubble bath
  • Bake cookies
  • Take a nice cozy nap
  • Cuddle your pets (like a kitten or a puppy)
  • Try out new sports or play sports
  • Go biking
  • Go fishing
  • Go to the park
  • Play board games with family/friends
  • Play Games
  • Listen to Music
  • Go to the Spa for a nice day for yourself
  • Do volunteer work
  • Write your feelings in a notebook or journal
  • Go out for some coffee
  • Talk to internet friends
  • Hang out with friends in real life
  • Go to the movies

By the way, whenever you're in your room in the day time, make sure you have your window open. Because the sunlight induces a natural chemical in your brain to make way for more positive emotions. Plus there'd be a nice breeze. A nice breeze in the sunlight, the smell can be really relaxing and help you think better thoughts. If it's cold there then just have the shade open. Doing hobbies and such outside can help your body become more active and happier. Most importantly, try your best to stay around people instead of being alone a lot. Even if you wanna be alone, it's easier for bad thoughts to creep up on you easier. If people are busy, try to lose yourself in some fantasy. That's what I do. Also, another thing that could help is in your room, have a colorful wallpaper and paint and such. Have some relaxing or cute posters of animals or nature. They can help you to become happier (well, me anyway). Looking at a damp, sad looking room definitely couldn't help!

Remember, life is worth living and even if you don't thinks so, I do believe there's many people that love you so much. Please don't go through with suicide, it simply isn't worth it. I believe you're a special, amazing and beautiful person that can get through this. Recovery is possible, I've seen it. Don't ever give up, don't lose faith and hope. Believe in yourself. I believe you can do this. Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need a friend to talk to.

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
   
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