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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
I've been here a while
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Name: Anna
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 1,101
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Join Date: February 18th 2010

Nothing changes - January 3rd 2013, 07:58 PM

I feel really bad for posting in here, I'm sorry.

I'm feeling really low and I just want to overdose. I can't explain how much I want to right now and it seems the right thing to do. The reasons to live don't seem enough, compared to the reasons to just give up and die. I know that I'm being really selfish. I just don't know what to do? I know there's people that have been through so much more than me and it makes me feel so silly, and then I want to end it more. I'm being so fucking selfish and I hate myself for it. But then that makes me want to end it more, again. I can't change my thoughts and I don't know what to do.

Nothing changes. It always comes down to this, to live or to die. It's in my hands.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't know what I want you to say. I'm sorry.

You have to have the negative things in life
to be able to appreciate the positives.
TG 05/04/2013
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Nothing changes - January 4th 2013, 07:08 AM

Hi, Anna. Sweetie, you have feelings therefore you don't have to feel like you can't post here if you have an issue. You can always post here and get some support. You know, maybe some others do have it worse than you but it doesn't make all the horrible feelings go away. They're your feelings and you have a right to feel each one and not feel bad for feeling them in the first place. I'm really sorry you're feeling this way though, I do understand how it can feel. I know things must be rough but I think your heart and sub-conscious knows why you wrote this... You know there is hope left. You can do this, you just need some support and encouragement. Not to sound bossy, just my thoughts. We're all here for you, ya' know?

May I ask what drove you here, to this much sadness? I know the reasons to live may not seem enough right now but believe me, sometime later in life you'll be thankful you decided not to commit suicide. It's just not worth it. A problem isn't permanent, suicide is. Your family and friends will be devastated. All this pain and sadness isn't worth it because you are strong enough to overcome this depression and you'll be happier, everyone else will be so relieved and happy to see you happy. Things will feel amazing, everyone including you will feel so refreshed and relaxed, relieved. Things will click into place and after that recovery. That's when you'll be thankful for living. Recovery is worth it. You can do this. You gotta learn to change your mindset, set plans ahead to distract yourself, and figure out how to pick yourself up after depression. With some support of course. Can you speak to your family about how you're feeling? A therapist, friends? Siblings? It's really important to have people you can talk to. It'll really help you in the long run. You also have all of us here as well. You can talk to me anytime.

You're 19 and still have a future, you have so many good things waiting for you at the end of the dark tunnel. You can meet the love of your life, marry, have children, hold your baby for the first time as the life YOU created (see? you do have a purpose, an important one. That's a big reason to live) wraps his/her finger around your thumb and smiles at you with the sparkles in your child's eyes. Don't throw away the chance of equal love, creating life, living a happy life. You still have a chance to turn depression around into happiness. Recovery is possible.

Creating a different and more positive view of things and the world is hard, but everything worth it is hard, right? You could start with looking at all the positive things in your life and not viewing the bad, of course I'm not saying to block all your bad feelings. That can be bad and unhealthy. But after you feel what you need to feel, try and pick yourself back up and look at all the things that are good in your life. When you get sad feeling, instead of thinking of suicide, think of a good friend or family, a happy moment or funny moment, and just think about all the good things in the past as well. Sit down, breathe in and out. Go for a walk. Watch a movie, go out, try some sports, go biking, play games, listen to music. Try out some new hobbies such as painting or drawing. Write poems/stories, express your feelings in a journal. Take a relaxing bubble bath, learn that it's okay to spoil yourself and do something just for you. Realize you're worth it and you're special. There's no one else in the world exactly like you so that means you are special. Keep in mind, you're loved. I care. We all care.

Remember that in life, it's not about waiting for the problem to solve itself, it's about dancing in the rain and picking ourselves back up after the storm and being able to see the rainbow at the end of each rainstorm.

You can always PM/VM me or E-Mail me at purplechristabel@yahoo.com if you need to talk. I'm always here for you. You can do this. I really hope I helped... I don't want you to do this to yourself. I don't even know you and I already care so much. You sound like a really sweet person that deserves to live and be happy.

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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may luck be yours.

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Re: Nothing changes - January 4th 2013, 05:28 PM

I agree with Christabel, you're allowed to post here just like everyone else

You aren't being selfish at all. I know exactly how you feel. Trust me on this one, you don't want to oversdose. I've tried it twice and most of the time you just end up with a stomach ache and you vomit everywhere. That's no fun. Did you know that 80% of people who attempt suicide and survive have this urge to live it up? You're 16, you're too young to die. Suicide isn't the way to go. I'll always be here if you want to talk. <3

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They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
Purr Purr Purr.
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Nothing changes - January 4th 2013, 11:00 PM

Hey floss. <3

No idea why you're saying sorry. You have no reason to be, okay?

I know you're feeling low and I know those moments are incredibly hard to get through, but look at everything you have overcome? You have so much strength shining through you Anna, it can carry you through this too. And think about the good moments too, yeah? I know it's not all good, I know it probably feels mostly bad too, but there are good moments and you need to remind yourself of those ones in this too, okay? It can be so easy to focus on everything bad when we feel low, but we all know that isn't going to help. Sure, face the bad stuff but also remember the good.

Overdosing isn't and never will be the right thing to do. You're such a bright girl Anna and you have your whole future ahead of you. You can go on to do teaching. You've got it inside of you, you have the brains, you have kindness, you can do it but you're going to have to work hard to get there. Think about how much of your life you have got left and think about how much you can do with the rest of your life. Damn, you've already come so far. Through school you struggled but you never gave up, you continued to shine and grow and now you're at Uni. That proves some god damn determination. Hold on to it. Think about why you never gave up on all those long days and all the bad nights. I know there have been plenty of times where you felt like sticking two fingers up at the world and walking away, but you didn't did you? You are still here and you are still fighting and there's a reason for that. Of course when you feel low, it's going to be hard to focus on them, but if you stay in control and focus, you can do it. And I know you can, because you're doing it day and day over again. Aren't you?

Suicide is a selfish act, you're right. But you're not thinking about killing yourself with the intention of hurting everyone around you. I know you just want to get out but why choose suicide as the way out when it leads to a dead end? If you choose recovery, there's no dead end. There's a future, full of everything you want to do, everything you love, everyone who loves you and everyone you love and nothing compares too it. It's so beautiful out there Anna. You're just going through a hard phase, but you can get through it but you need to choose it. You need to choose happiness and you need to choose recovery. And you're more than capable of beating this. Sure it's going to be hard and at times you're going to want to give up, but like I have already said, you have the determination and strength to get you through. You honestly do. And you have every reason in the world to fight.

Yes, people have been through worse things than you, but it doesn't belittle your problems or the way you feel. You've been through bad experiences, I know that and I know how painful it all must be for you. Just because other people have had it worse, doesn't mean you can't feel bad, low or upset about what you have been through. You have every right to feel the way you do and I think that's somewhat healthy. But you need to learn how to cope with all in a healthy way. And I hope you can get to a point where it's not over taking your life. You know, where you're generally happy and where your past only really upsets you when you sit down and really think about it. You can get to the point. Your past does not have to be your future. Don't let it make your future bad as well, you don't deserve it at all.

You can change your thoughts Anna. And your behaviours. But it's going to be hard. You have to challenge your thoughts. Think of everything you did with L when you saw her. All the word you did together. All the things she taught you. Go over it all, remind yourself of it and start to challenge and change your thought process, it is possible. You can either allow nothing to change or you can make change but it's not going to happen on it's own. YOU have to BE the change YOU want to see. And you have to work for it and it's going to be hard but things that are easy to get aren't worth having. You fight for this, you'll get the rest of your life and the rest of your life, is what you make it.

You're never alone, okay? I love you more than anything and I'm behind you all the way. <3

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't know what I want you to say. I'm sorry.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
I've been here a while
Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
Name: Anna
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 1,101
Blog Entries: 122
Join Date: February 18th 2010

Re: Nothing changes - January 16th 2013, 02:55 PM

I'm sorry I haven't replied back sooner, but thank you all for your responses, they mean a lot and really helped.

You are all beautiful. <3

You have to have the negative things in life
to be able to appreciate the positives.
TG 05/04/2013
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Nothing changes - January 18th 2013, 10:44 AM

You're so welcome, sweetie.

~ Christabel
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