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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 12:50 AM

I've had suicidal ideations off and on for roughly 4 years now. I've been keeping these thoughts in check by smoking marijuana, but alas, that has come back to bite me.

I have been kicked out of school for smoking and I'm in legal trouble. Obviously this has caused me to stop smoking. I'm a model student and I've always been the type to care about and help my peers, even at the cost of my own happiness at times. My principal actually cried when he had to kick me out and told me I deserved better... but thanks to my government not understanding the benefits of marijuana on teen depression, they had no choice but to aide me in ruining my life.

I could deal with this, in fact, I kept my head high and managed to maintain a state of calm; however, my mom informed me today that I can no longer use the car (which was previously given to me as a gift, but never signed over), ever, and when I'm 18 she's kicking me out no matter what. I live 15 miles from any sort of town, so a job is out of the question. This means I can't do anything, see anyone, or have any hopes for my future.

I don't see any point in living anymore. I don't want to cause my family pain, but I have been backed into a corner. I feel that all I can do now is write a nice letter in hopes that my family can read it in some years and take comfort knowing that it isn't their fault... even though it kind of is.

TL;DR: I'm going to end up on the streets with absolutely nothing in a few months and no way to get a job. My life is pointless. I've done good and never really hurt anyone in life. I can leave this world in peace. Death would be a blessing.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:17 AM

you will not cause your family pain ok?alot of people care for you remember that .


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:24 AM

I will cause my family pain if I go through with my thoughts. Actually, considering the way my mother talks, she might think of getting rid of me as a good thing no matter how it goes down. Geez my life is screwed every way I turn.

I don't know how I got here.

Thank you for your kind words, including our private message conversation.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:27 AM

hey , you are not a pain to anyone , you mean the world to me . your mom loves you always but just doesn't sow it . and ur welcome anytime


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:27 AM

your life is not a screw up


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:31 AM

It isn't much of a life anymore. I can't go anywhere or do anything and my mom has already said she is kicking me out the instant that it is legal to. I'm pretty zen about the whole situation which only frightens me more, because it feels eerily like the calm before the storm.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:32 AM

do you trust me?


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:37 AM

It depends on the trust you're referring to. I trust you in a sense, yes, but I wouldn't trust anyone completely at this point in time.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:41 AM

then trust me im saying you will get out of his trust me ok?


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:41 AM

this ************


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:43 AM

See now, I can't trust you on that. I may get out of this alive, but my quality of life would suffer so bad that I would genuinely prefer to end it before I wind up on the streets with no hope and die of pneumonia.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:45 AM

you will not die ok ? if you live on the streets I will take u in to live with me and I will take carof u


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:48 AM

I don't believe you have the funds to do that and forgive me, but I have developed some recent dependency issues. The more independent I am, the safer I feel.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:57 AM

i know what you mean by that, same here. u shdnt go thru with your plans. if ur still here its for a reason...even if u dnt see it yet.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 01:59 AM

please don't do this I mean it I do


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:04 AM

Painter, I am alive because I have yet to follow through with my plans. I haven't followed through with my plans because up until today I had hope. When my mom took away my car and told me I would be homeless in a few months, I lost hope.

Harrystyles, I know you care and that you would be upset by this, but I wish for you to let me go. If I decide to leave these forums tomorrow, you will assume the worst. Please just keep my memory as pixels on a screen.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:08 AM

you ar making me cry


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:11 AM

isn't there anyone who could help you? any friend or family member?
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:17 AM

Do not cry for me Harrystyles. All we are is dust in the wind. I've just caught a cross draft.
I am not sad, so why should you be?

Painter, it's not a matter of getting help. My mind is like a calm, arid desert right now. I feel as though I'm meditating in the middle of this desert waiting on something. I don't know what, but I feel it coming.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:23 AM

please just hang in there, give it some time before u decide. i checked ur profile and u still have until april to come up with some money to figure some other plan (besides suicide.)...when u said "death would be a blessing" that is true. true for those who are severely ill and are in pain...u are not. don't give up, im sure you are cared for and loved.
-"when you feel you're alone, your instincts are telling you to run...listen to your heart. those angel voices they'll sing to you and be your guide back home. when life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind."
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:28 AM

That's a lovely quote, but I'm an atheist, so it has little meaning to me. There is no way for me to come up with money without a job. There is no way for me to get a job without a car. My mother took my car. There is no hope. Also, that's a bold statement saying that I'm not in pain. Have you ever experienced the pain of true hopelessness?

As I said, I've had these thoughts for years. I've given it time, but I have finally run out of hope.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:33 AM

angels need not be celestial beings..and yes i have. i apologize for saying that, i shouldn't have just assumed
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:36 AM

Don't worry about that. It's perfectly understandable and was said with the best intentions. I couldn't possibly be upset about a sentiment as lovely as that.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 02:43 AM

there is still time...just wait a while. i'm not saying it will, but things could turn around. sorry for assuming again but based on your first post it seems like you are a good, strong person. most guys around aren't so, jst the complete opposite. don't take yourself...i have to go for now. i hope that you can find your hope again..i just met u, would be a pity to have you gone so soon.
   
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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 03:08 AM

Hey Dakota,
I don't know that I can talk you out of anything. I'm not going to tell you that I love you, trust you, will be an absolute mess should you make a bad decision. You know that. You obviously came to TeenHelp for a reason. If your intentions were always to commit suicide, I guarantee you would not have come on here to discuss options. You said you're a good student. Don't you think that your academic potential has a future? So, you smoked. You didn't land yourself on death row, you didn't steal money from the homeless. Something in fate suggests that there's a string inside of you holding on. Okay, so you need to find a place when you turn 18. This happens to other people, and I know it sucks, it really does. You know all those powerful, motivational people that speak to big groups of people? They all overcame some sort of struggle and ended up doing something remarkable to benefit society. Who's to say that you can't be that person. You don't know where things will go, nobody does. But your intelligence alone will get you far, believe me. I can't stop you, but do know that you came here with a purpose. Look into that purpose.



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Re: No Will to Continue - January 5th 2013, 11:20 AM

Hey mate,

Listen to me when I say this, suicide is NOT worth it! You're a smart guy, so you should use that brain of yours to look at the situation form all angels, process it and find a solution! Every problem which presents itself comes with a solution, and you're bright enough to come to that solution!

Mate, trust me, you CAN come out of this on top!
Suicide not only hurts you but also the people around you who LOVE you! We at TH ALL care for you even when we have never met you!

Stay strong mate,
It doesn't have to end this way,

Jay.


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Re: No Will to Continue - January 12th 2013, 05:32 AM

Hi, Dakota. Love the name I'm Christabel.

I don't know what to say except I think it'd be a shame to throw away your talent and future potential away over suicide. You seem like a nice guy and when a person has the ability to create life, I see that everybody has a purpose. You're on this earth for a reason and suicide isn't the answer. I believe you can get through this and the only way it's possible is to believe in yourself, think like a soldier. You'll come out on top at the end, just keep fighting and never give up.

I'm sorry your mom is kicking you out... Might I suggest an option I've been thinking of? How about calling some friends you helped out in the past? See if you can move in with them? Do you have any relatives you can move in with?

Remember, your life is of importance. Every life matters so much and deserves to live. You know this because why else would you help out your friends so much that it caused you to lose some of your own happiness? You know people are important, which means you are too. Please don't give up, ever. Show your mom you can do this. Show us you can do this, because I believe you can. I believe in you.

You must be pretty encouraged to help out your friends in the past... Which means you're a helpful person. You can do good. After you make it through this and help yourself feel better. People will be inspired that you got out of this, you'll be more experienced and have a better knowledge of things to help out so many people. Your thread title is "No Will to Continue", let's change it to "Will to Continue". Because the word No or Impossible isn't a word. It's a reason not to try. Remember, there has to be rain and clouds to make a rainbow, the sun will soon shine. Don't know when but you will get a break from this rainstorm. That I believe.

You can talk to me if you want, I'd really like to listen to you. Feel free to PM/VM me anytime. You aren't alone.

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
   
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