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-   -   The Issue of Friends (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t114599-issue-friends/)

whoathere January 5th 2013 05:56 PM

The Issue of Friends
 
The past week or so, I've been having extreme moments where I feel isolated and lonely and I don't know why.

I think that I, especially compared to a lot of people, have plenty of friends that I can hang out with but lately I've been having niggling doubts about them and myself.

I cycle through various stages of loneliness:
1. Feel slight doubt about the number of friends I have, question if it is the average number of friends to have
2. Wonder if my friends even like me
3. Wonder if I deserve my friends
4. Wonder if my friends should be my friends
5. Feel guilty for wondering if my friends should be my friends
6. wonder if my friends like to hang out with me
7. proceed to negatively answer myself, "no"
8. feel extremely lonely
9. wonder if my friends would support me in times of crisis
10. obviously, answer myself, "no"
11. feel even more lonely
12. wonder if I'm the problem
13. wonder if it was my past introvertedness which put me in this friendless state
14. feel even more lonely and then a titch regretful

Ad infinitum. I know that I'm just crazy because when I'm feeling relatively happy, I recognize that I have friends and that those friends care about me, but I can't help feeling the way I'm feeling.

It sucks and now I'm in this hyperaware state of whenever I'm going to be alone (since that's when I feel the most depressed)-- I dread going home from school, I dread the weekend where I don't hang out with anybody, I dread my own room, and I dread being with my own thoughts.

I really don't want to feel this way because I hate it and it's likely purposeless. So, what should I do?

SamTurtle January 12th 2013 08:38 AM

Re: The Issue of Friends
 
I recommend, whenever you find yourself feeling doubts about your friends or yourself, trying to slow down your thought process. It seems like your mind is whirling with all these questions and negative answers. Try slowing it down a bit in order to reduce the amount of chaos, thus reducing the amount of stress. Sort through your thoughts, and look more carefully at them. Especially at the very negative ones, where you say that you're friends really don't want to hang out with you, etc. Look at them and throw them away. Tell yourself that those thoughts are lies, because they are. Replace them with things like, "My friends do want to hang out with me; they care." Even if you don't believe it at first, just keep saying it. Say it until you really do believe it. Get rid of the negativity and replace it with positivity.

Loneliness is something that I have often dealt with. It'd be in your best interest to find a way to deal with it now; otherwise, it'll come back later to haunt you and it'll just hit you harder. The way that I personally deal with this is by either:
1. Writing down thoughts, poetry, short stories, rants, etc. in a journal.
2. Listening to a few sad songs to flush the sadness out of my system, and then proceeding to listen to something happy and uplifting.
3. Striking up conversations with people on text, Facebook, forums, etc (there are always people to talk to).
4. Watching random/funny videos on YouTube.
Those are just a few ways to cope with what you're feeling (and, please know, you're not alone in what you feel, either). There are other various things you can do, so feel free to PM me if you'd like to know more (or if you just want to chat).

But don't dread being alone. Try and think of the positives that can come out of getting proper amounts of alone time (like how you're free to pick your nose :hehe: ). It isn't something that you should fear; a lot of this could probably be your emotions tricking you into thinking that you are alone and giving you doubts about your friendships, when there's really nothing to worry about. Perhaps something happened a week or two ago that triggered such emotions? If anything, it's probably just your hormones being hormones and putting your emotions out of whack. It happens to everyone.

Don't let your feelings get the best of you. Emotions are pretty good at tricking people, but you can still conquer them. :hug:


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