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Silence Offline
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post abortion depression - January 13th 2013, 04:19 PM

Hi, I come looking for help .. 2 years ago I found out I was pregnant and my partner was serving in army abroad, I was in shared accom and he wasn't coming back so I was stranded, and due to me discovering so late (11weeks) I was running out of time to come up with options on how it would work so we decided it wouldn't and abortion was best option at the time. Now however both my sisters have recently had adorable kids and I just feel more and more alone, they're starting their families and I'm jus feelin more and more isolated. My partner has a child with his previous partner and I jus keep spiralling into the same old spiral of worthlessness.. he has his family. My family are all moving on with their families and I jus feel alone. My sister knew about my abortion and always tries to keep me involved with her daughter's life which I'm so grateful for but then I'm just felt feeling lower when we part because of stupid what ifs.. I constantly tryin to not think of the what ifs but it always comes back with vengeance.. am I just ridiculously jealous of my partners previous life and my sisters life or am I struggling to get over my own mistakes ? I never mention as I know I'd be frowned upon for terminating but at the time I was so scared and alone and now its screwed me for life.. am I destined to just remove myself entirely from my family and him and start a new life elsewhere..


Non illegitimi carborundum
   
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Re: post abortion depression - January 13th 2013, 09:03 PM

Hello,

My heart goes out to you.
Like you said at the time you were feeling alone and scared...I guess people don't get it, that you think what kind of life can I give this child. Maybe what you feel isn't jealousy but exactly what you said...the what if's. maybe you can become a little more involved with your partners child's life. You can be the friend. The confidant that can help them. I know that's what my sister does and she says it wonderful because I'm the one they talk to about stuff they don't want to tell their parents. I think something like an abortion takes a long while to get over, if you can get over it. I know a couple girls that did that and they say from time to time they get sad about it. But it was the best decision at the time.
My advice on your last question would be to not remove yourself from your family and your partner. You are important to your family. You can start a new life with your family and partner. Heal from the past and move forward into the sunshine


Beth



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Don't Let Your Character Change Color With Your Environment, Find Out Who You Are And Let It Stay It's True Color - Rachel Scott
   
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Re: post abortion depression - January 13th 2013, 10:13 PM

I'm sorry. Breathe. Quit beating yourself up. It won't help anything. It'll just hurt you more...
But I know that's hard to do. It's a vicious self-hate cycle, with regret and guilt fueling. And the jealousy...I know that too. Different circumstances, but I know jealously.

And I think, you're feeling both jealously and the ghost of your past mistakes.
And I think, you're going to try to stop, but it won't work. Kinda hard to forgive yourself when the jealously surges again, and then you feel guilty again, and then that leads you to a "what-if?" and then you think of the past again...it's a vicious cycle.

So...I have a challenge for you, if you'll take it up.
You remember what I said about you trying to end the cycle? About how it won't work? I'm serious.
Because you're trying to do it by yourself.
And you probably aren't going to like my challenge. Or maybe you never really considered it. Or maybe you have, but have forgotten.

Enough riddles. I'm talking about God. Jesus. Holy Spirit. Ah, yes, this did take quite a turn, I know.
And for all I know, you may already know God. Or maybe not. But you can't do this without Him. Believe me! He will forgive if you ask; be warned though, if you seek Him, you'll find Him, and if you find Him, He will give you the full makeover. Some come to Him for forgiveness of shameful deeds, and they get totally changed. Still themselves, but different in a better way.

But you sound pretty desperate. And what have you got to lose?
Some verses that may help you out, whether you're Christian or wanting become one or just food-for-thought:

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" (2 Corinthians 5:17. New Living Translation.)

You can start a new life. What have you got to lose?
- Collies R Us


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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Re: post abortion depression - January 14th 2013, 02:53 AM

I am so sorry to hear about what happened, I really am. I realize it must be really heartbreaking for you.

However, it's really sweet what your sister is doing for you but could you explain to her or even your partner about how you're feeling lonely and so low after the abortion? If you haven't yet then it may be pretty scary thinking about talking to them so how about writing a letter and giving it to her or your partner? I really think talking to them or someone else you trust, even a therapist could help because if you're beating yourself up this bad then the guilt has gotta be horrible. I get how it could be, so whenever you're feeling guilty over a mistake, then just talking to someone and having them listen can make all the difference in the world. The reassurance that it wasn't your fault entirely. Just a bad time, place, and situation. You were alone and found out late.

You know, you'll eventually have another chance to create and carry life. Have a child, have a family. I'm here if you'd like to talk.

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
   
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Re: post abortion depression - January 14th 2013, 11:10 AM

Thanks for the advice, its just hard to try and over come it .. he doesn't have much contact with his child since his ex moved away however I nag him to because I grew up without a dad n I hate him for not being there and don't want his kid hating him.. regardin that I jus stay out of that as he needs to re build the relationship without my hindrance.
I was fine coping but my other sister is now due and its all just screwed me up again.I can't jus fall apart everytime someone gives birth.

I gave up with religion a long time ago so god won't be helping me.

Your right about talkin but my bf will only talk about it once he's had a drink..its become a taboo subject , ive told my sister and she really does try and help me through but then half an hour later its just 'meh' and back to square one.. sick of it. I wanna be a great aunt but when I leave them and head home I'm empty again
   
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