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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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lostinmymind Offline
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Name: Rosie
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Sick of holding on - January 16th 2013, 01:35 PM

I'm so over life right now, I feel like there is no point holding onto life. All I want is to be happy for once but it just does not seem to be possible, I don't remember the last time I was even happy.

I've tried reaching out so many times but I keep falling deeper into a dark place, no one has been able to help me apart from 2 people but they both abandoned me

I'm sick of relying on self harm to get me through the day, it's reaching a point where self harm is just not enough anymore.

I feel as if this year will be the year I attempt suicide again but this time I will not fail.

I'm only holding on for my family but there comes a time when things just get to much and you just can't hold on anymore

sorry for this thread, just really needed to vent

Last edited by Palmolive; January 16th 2013 at 02:55 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
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Re: Sick of holding on - January 16th 2013, 02:04 PM

Omg I know exactly what you mean by that because i feel the same way about self harm not being enough and falling deeper into a darker place.
Do you have a counselor or a therapist?
I think someone who is qualified in an area of mental health should help you, since they know what works and what doesn't.
Try calling a helpline since you're in the same country as me i can tell you a few numbers
Kids helpline (5-25 years of age)
1800-55-1800 ( it's free to call from any phone including mobile phones, so credit isn't needed if you're on optus, virgin,telstra or vodafone). Its also free from payphones.
Lifeline
13-11-14

You can also look up these websites as they may help:
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?
http://www.kidshelp.com.au/
http://www.headspace.org.au/
www.reachout.com

You can always message me if you need help x


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hold me.
wrap me up.
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Warm me up and breathe me.

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lostinmymind Offline
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Re: Sick of holding on - January 16th 2013, 03:09 PM

Currently I don't have a counselor or a therapist but I have in the past. I've seen 2 school counsellors, another counsellor, a psychologist, and also a psychiatrist in the past but only the psychologist helped but she decided she didn't want to see me anymore because she thought she couldn't help me.I've had only bad experiences mostly with professionals, plus I can't really find another professional since I won't be able to get there as it would be to far to travel.


Thanks for giving me the numbers to helplines, unfortunately I don't have a phone to call them though.


Thanks for the websites aswell and also for the reply
   
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: Sick of holding on - January 16th 2013, 03:09 PM

Truth is, you have to create reasons to live. We could all stay in bed all day, have no job, have no social life, stop eating, and just do nothing but that would be us all making no reasons to live. We have to aim towards things. We have to recognise what we want out of our lives and we have to set goals and more importantly, we have to work towards them. We have to make the choice to go into higher education, to have a social life, to eat, to read, to watch tv, to engage in hobbies, to get a job and career. If you set yourself nothing, then there won't be anything. For years now, the one main thing that has always helped me to keep keep holding on, is the the goal I made to go on to University to study mental health nursing. I've made that goal. I'm working for that goal. I want that. You know? Think about what you want in life and work towards them. Do things and allow yourself to enjoy things and engage in hobbies. Find things you're passionate about, yeah?

I think it's great that you've tried reaching out to people in the past, that's a really positive step so well done for doing so. I'll tell you something, the person who can help you the most is in fact yourself. People can give you distractions and teach you ways to manage your emotions so on but you also have to work with them and take their advice, put what they are teaching you into actions and so on. Who were the two people that you felt really helped you? Why do you feel they abandoned you? Don't let the fear of being left stop you from reaching out for help, okay? You deserve support through this and people can help you but you have to reach out. Talking to friends, parents, school nurses/counsellors and even teachers can be so incredibly helpful. YOU deserve their help, okay? Let them in.

If self harm isn't working any more, then there is no point to it what so ever, is there? I know that's a lot easier for me to say than actually do, but beating the urges to self harm is possible. You're in control. Don't let the urges control you. Do you ever try using distraction techniques? If not maybe this is something you can't start trying to do. Of course not every single thing is going to help you, but there will be ones out there which do help you so for now it's probably going to be about trial and error and not giving up on everything, when something doesn't help. You don't deserve the pain you put yourself through by self harming, okay? You ARE worth more than it and you deserve better.

You are going to choose to attempt suicide or not. Only you have control over that. But know this, suicide is not the answer. If you choose to kill yourself, you're choosing nothing. If you choose to live, sure, you're going to have to get through this and it's going to be hard and it's going to take time, but you will learn so much from it. It will change the way you see things in the world and you can overcome it and you can be happy. No, not everyday of every minute, no one is happy every single day but you can have that "normal" life. You know?

I know all of this is incredibly hard and I can completely relate to what you're going through, but recovery is possible. You can beat this but you are going to have to work hard and stick at it.

Keep holding on to hope because as long as you keep holding on to hope, it will keep you alive. Stay smiling,

Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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