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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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It's been too long but nothing changes. - January 18th 2013, 06:16 PM

This has been going on for seven years and I feel like I'm just completely getting to a point where I'm just too tired to fight. There are so many things affecting my every day life. I still struggle badly and I'm struggling to cope with things like the strong urges to self harm, the voices, the eating, these ridiculous mood swings, the bizarre sleeping patterns, my anxiety, relationships and often, the very intense suicidal thoughts. I've been receiving help for about four years now and I am on the waiting list for psychology too but it's taking time.

And I just don't know how much longer I can phsyically and emotionally keep doing this. I always tell myself oh it's just low mood. But it's been seven years and I've spent nearly a year of that in a psychiatric unit and I'm left with the same feelings and thoughts and left with hundreds of scars and signs of liver damage. And I know I do it to myself, I know how I'm in control, but it gets really hard when it's a constant thing and never stops, and honestly? I don't know what to do any more. Because people say it gets better, but most days, it's still a struggle where at points I just don't think I can do it.

So I keep telling myself it's just a low mood and it will pass, but seven years later, I'm still here and I feel lost and stuck and alone and helpless and most of the time hopeless. The suicidal thoughts get so bad and I'm so tired, it just seems like the better way out. I try and try and try, I do distractions and I'm on medication and I'm in mental health services, but it never gets better.

I don't know what I'm looking for, I just feel so desperate that help, advice, anything, would be lovely because I don't know what's wrong with me, and why I can't get out of this and I just don't know what to do any more.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's been too long but nothing changes. - January 18th 2013, 06:54 PM

i'm probably not much help because i havent been cutting for that long and i'm really unaffected but anything else. But maybe reading will help. I've found that getting into a really good book series that has alot of books makes me want to read instead. Remember that, even though its been 7 years, its such a small portion of your life. I may be only 13, but i am a strong believer in soulmates. You may feel that you are incomplete but, one day, you will find happiness. Think of the other half waiting for you, maybe even searching. Think of all your potential, your future. You can aclompish so much and all you need to do is hang on, keep on walking into the wind. Everyone goes through a bad patch, some worse than others, and some think that ending it all is the best way out but they are normaly wrong. Keep fighting and you will win the war. Remember, you are awesome, you can fight this. I wish you the best. Stay Strong x

You Are Awesome
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's been too long but nothing changes. - January 19th 2013, 01:26 AM

I am very sorry for your pain, your past, and what you have to deal with now and maybe in your future as well...and i am sad to say that you may have to still deal with some issues in the future as well...because depression is like an endless cycle. sometimes our past continues to haunt us. but if you have a positive outlook, a dream, or a passion to do something then that will be enough to fight through it. and sometime in the future you will look back and realize how much your past has influence you and made you who you are now...a strong, resilient and beautiful inside and out girl. it is hard to see the future...esp. when everything around you seems so dark and negative but believe me...it will be bright and beautiful...
work on yourself by loving yourself! you are yourself biggest supporter! and also your own biggest monster as well. keep pushing on! it's hard but you will make it. and there will always be a tomorrow. and another tomorrow. and next thing you know it's the past. you can do it!!!

don't forget to smile! tomorrow will be a better day!!!
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Re: It's been too long but nothing changes. - January 19th 2013, 05:35 AM

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Jessie.

Honey, I'm so sorry but I really don't know what to say, I honestly don't. All I know to say is that I've seen all the posts you've made to others letting them know there's always hope, not to give up, use your own words for yourself. Inspire yourself by how long you've been going on. It's a hard and long fight, but worth it in the end. I think you already know that you're strong enough. I know that you have the scars, the emotional scars as well, but you are beautiful in so many ways. Smile and make others wonder how you're still smiling. I go through tough times too, and you just really inspire me how you're still going. Sweetie, I think you inspire many people, with words and them just knowing how much you're going through.

I understand things are rough, but me and along with so many others here at TeenHelp are here for you. I'm only a PM/VM away if you need to talk. You have love and support here no matter what.

Remember that you do have a future ahead and there's many good things as well, know that you'll have love, beautiful children, and you can do anything you want. Live your life, stay strong, stay beautiful.

You're amazing, lovely. <3

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
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Re: It's been too long but nothing changes. - January 19th 2013, 02:07 PM

Im so sorry you have had to go through this for so long, i can't image how hard this must be for you. I have not got though half the stuff you have. I'm not entirely sure what i should say. But i know a lot of people care about you, and they want you to recover and be happy. Including me. Like Christabel said i see you telling people things like that and you should take your own advice. I know its hard, i know it takes a while to be better. Seven years may (and i'm sure they have) felt like a very long time, if you put it next to say living 80 years its not that much. It maybe the most difficult 7 years in your life, but a small part in how long you could live. You may look back when you are older and say 'wow i can't believe i was on that bad of a state' and then be glad you stayed strong through those years. You will get through this.

Please stay strong lovely. You can do this, know you are capable of getting through this.
I'm just a PM/VM away whenever you need me. <3

I'm not sure if any of this helped but, i care.

From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said, "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's been too long but nothing changes. - January 19th 2013, 02:36 PM

I've been where you are. I've spend 2 1/2 years out of 7 in psychiatric wards. I've damaged myself pretty bad.
But here I am, and I'm getting through it. I thought exactly the same as you, that nothing would ever get better, that I'd be stuck in a hellhole forever. But I'm not now. Sure, it's still tough. I still battle every day, but I no longer feel as desperate or as stuck. I haven't cut for 20 months and have found less damaging ways of self harm. I can't give it up completely but now my scars are fading and am not making new ones. 2 years ago my mental health team basically gave up on me and didn't think I'd ever change. I proved them wrong.
This is a message to say, you can do it. If I can, then I'm sure you will too. You have to work damn hard, it will be exhausting. Open up to the professionals as much as you can, don't push anyone away.
You can do this!
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Re: It's been too long but nothing changes. - January 22nd 2013, 07:57 AM

I completely empathise with you. I have also spent many years dealing with depression and other mental health problems. While I can't say for certain that the depression will lift any time soon, I can say that the way you deal with it can and will improve. If you look back a few years, I bet the way you cope with your depression and the skills that you use to do so have improved. The fact that you are still here trying to make it work is a tribute to how strong you are. You can get there, and when you do, you'll be glad you didn't give up.
Don't lose hope.
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