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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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aqua Offline
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Name: Sian
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I just dont know anymore - January 23rd 2013, 07:25 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Basically, I've been feeling pretty suicidal since about early January due to many reasons.

My biggest reason is the fact that I hate the place I live and the society that goes with it. People are just so obsessed with material shite, people are just wrapped up in pointless things. The weather is depressing as fuck.

Second of all, I dont see the point in future. Im 17, 18 in August so I'll be going to uni in September, thing is, i dont see a point to that. Why should i put my time and effort into getting a qualification because I dont want a job, because its miserable. Money isnt fucking everything. Like I said about the whole materialistic thing, everyone just cares about stupid shit like that.
Nothing is worth working for, so why even bother?
I might as well just be dead.


Another reason is because of my hatred of the thought of responsibility. I rely on so many other people just to get through the day. Im useless at everything. But then again, why bother when I dont have to be here?

I have two university interviews coming up next month.
I'll probably try something soon :/







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Re: I just dont know anymore - January 23rd 2013, 09:18 PM

Well, one thing I know for sure through reading this is that of all the things you might be, you are most certainly not useless at everything!!!! In fact, you seem to be quite skilled intellectually to me. You are not ungifted, you are a critical thinker. And what may be your biggest weakness in some ways, might also turn around to be one of your greatest strengths. If you don't like what you see about the world, then you could be the one to change it.

I understand about not wanting a job and thinking money is bullshit. I've been toying with the idea of never going to uni and living my life as a rolling stone with no fixed direction, just making my meanderings my destiny. I, also being the nervous creature I am, am leaning more toward teaching. But I say go with your calling!! I know people who don't go to university or get a stable job, and they're doing just fine. Do what works for you. Just because everyone else conforms doesn't mean you've got to, it just means you have to work harder to not be sucked into it. If it should turn out that you do want a steady job, then don't worry about it. Just keep your marks up for now, because no matter how many times you change your mind, they are always your gateway to opportunity.

If you feel that you are in risk of harming yourself, make sure that you tell a trusted teacher, a guidance counselor, a parent, a friend... anyone with two ears who can get you the help you need. If you feel depression might be a problem for you, consider booking a doctor's appointment. It never hurts to consult a medical professional. There is no shame when it comes to mental health.

Put your analytical and thoughtful nature to use. You're a smart girl!! Smart enough to know that flowers don't grow on flowers, they grow on shit. There's a good reason why we romanticize flowers and not the stuff the grow in!!
   
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Re: I just dont know anymore - January 30th 2013, 09:31 PM

Thanks, I'm going to my CAMHS worker on 14th February, I just hope I can hold on that long :/
I've been thinking about suicide constantly.







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Re: I just dont know anymore - February 12th 2013, 04:42 PM

How are things?? Just checking up!!
   
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Re: I just dont know anymore - February 12th 2013, 05:04 PM

dont you want a good job ? meet a great guy or girl start a nice family and enjoy life im sure the weather is not that bad i live in england and well we all know how crappy england is. wait untill you get to uni you will meet great people learn some new stuff. everyone has something they are good at like me im good at computers im sure your good at something make it in to a hobbie a personal interest. if you are feeling down all the whiile go see a doctor trust me things are worth staying for good luck
   
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