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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Breathe~me Offline
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ending it all.. - January 25th 2013, 07:56 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I may as well make this as quick as possible; I made a promise to my self that I'd wait until school starts again to attempt suicide. Considering Term 1 is approaching within a few days that promise would be terminated soon.
I would hate to leave the people around me and let them think 'why did she do it?' and questioning several life factors rather then knowing the truth.
So I want to know any ideas, suggestions or thoughts on how to show people what has been going on to make you want to take your life- or in short form: an explanation..?
I know that there are LOTS of 'My Story' videos on youtube, where teens tell about their experiences coping with serious issues like eating disorders,self harm,substance abuse,teen pregnancy, bullying and suicide attempts; But would that seem too corny or copy catish in anyone's opinion??

I don't want to write a suicide note because then I'd have to have it addressed to one person, and It would probably just go to my family rather then the people that I feel that I need to thank, and I also don't want only one person to see it- meaning I don't want it to be private because it's like keeping a secret about the reason for dying...


I just want anyone's opinion on how to make it less of a jigsaw puzzle for the people around me so no ones left questioning, and please don't say I need to talk to or see anyone.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ending it all.. - January 25th 2013, 04:01 PM

Honey, you do need to talk to someone. You need to get out whatever it is that's making you feel like ending your life is the only way to cope with whatever it is you're going through.

Take my advice, I've attempted twice. Both in the same year. I was 12. I was so depressed and had no way out. I felt like no one would care and no one would miss me.
So I dove in what I knew was too deep of water for me to swim and almost drowned. Twice.
It was messy.
Yet no one ever knew that I was attempting. They just thought I was a stupid girl who didn't know how to swim.
How ironic.

Since then I've starved myself, had cuts all over my body (literally,) and completely destroyed my sense of self-worth.

But I recovered.
Fully.
Threw away my razor and never looked back.

I've been through hell, and of course, who hasn't?
But if I can do it, you can too.

I thought I was weak and couldn't accomplish not cutting or not trying to kill myself. And it was hard, but I made it out on the other side.

You can do that too. Don't let whatever it is take you down. Don't succumb to the pain. Stand strong and believe in yourself and have faith that life can be happy.
Being happy is a choice.
You can either choose to be happy, or miserable and self-loathing.
Think about it.
Now which would you choose to be?



So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."


What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
   
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Re: ending it all.. - January 25th 2013, 04:31 PM

I absolutely agree. As much as you might want to just end it, there is nothing worse you could do. One of my classmates from high school killed themselves this week. He shot himself in the head and ended it all right there and his mother found him the next morning. You can not tell me that we are going to just think this is a phase and actually support your efforts. As little as I knew about that boy, I knew he was unhappy and he had a whole lot more to share with the world than he ever got around to sharing. Do I wish that he hadn't? More than that. I wish he were here now to tell you it didn't work when the gun went off and that he's never going to let anyone think it's acceptable to end it all the same way Kay Dawn is now. Life is not just about the people you know now; it's about the people you will come to know.

"For I know the plans God has for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11
   
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Re: ending it all.. - January 25th 2013, 11:29 PM

No one on here is going to give you advice on how to say goodbye to the ones you love. Why? Because we know you can beat this, we know you can get through this, I know that you can. Why? Because the only thing, the only person in the whole world who can stop you from beating this, is you. You have that choice, you have that control. And if you fight hard enough and long enough, you'll get through this. No, it's not going to be easy, in fact, it may well be one of the hardest things you ever have to do in your whole life, but my friend, believe me when I say this, once you get through it, once things are better (which will happen), you won't regret never giving up. You'll be so thankful that you had the strength that you do have now and that you used it and that you took control.

I know how hard it is. I honestly do. I can't begin to explain how much I want to see you get through this. Why? Because I get it. Because I am somewhat going through something similar to yourself. What helps me? People like YOU. You give me hope. Coming on here, and seeing people going through similar things helps me, but even more so, the encouragement uses give on this site to people, help me. Seeing strength like yours, helps me. Knowing that you haven't given up, gives me hope. Knowing that you can beat this, helps me. And I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful to come across people like you.

You can do this, recovery is possible. Stop allowing the thoughts to control you. Instead you take control of the thoughts. Most importantly? Don't be alone - reach out for help because that's what people are there for.

Stay smiling, you CAN do this and stop telling yourself otherwise. <3


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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