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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 10:44 AM

Yep, heavily depressed again... my evil, manipulative voice is back... Already drove me to several bad cuts today and I don't know how long I can stay like this... I wish it would all get better.... 4 years with depression, which is why the holidays were so hard on me... 2 weeks before Christmas I was moved away from all I loved, all I cherished.... Yeah, doesn't seem like a big deal... but that school had saved me from myself... saved me from a living hell... My friends had been able to glue me together and I was the glue that held them together. When I moved, a few got nasty, I was cyber bullied by a lot of them and I fell head first into the pitt of depression... and I continued falling, developing a social anxiety and general anxiety disorder...

And now, look at me, so low, two suicide attempts within 4 months.... And contemplating another.. A few of my friends on TH will be so diappointed why should I live if all I do is hurt others I'm useless...

That voice is pushing me closer and closer to the edge.... I need help....

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 11:59 AM

Jay... I love you, girl and I'm so sorry about how you're feeling, you're a great friend to me and many others. You should live for your baby sister, you should live for us here at TeenHelp. Your baby sister needs her big sister so she won't get lonely. You'll get to help her through things and tough times when she's older. You should live because you don't JUST hurt others, you're really beautiful inside and out.

I'm gonna repeat what you already know because you're really smart, suicide is NOT the answer. It hurts your family and friends too. You have so much to offer. You deserve happiness and I believe you'll get that one day. You still have your whole future ahead of you. A partner, marriage, beautiful kids, all the happy moments with that and in between. You have the chance to raise children and give them all the things you wished for in your childhood. You can make up for everything. God wants you to create life, he loves you and wants you to get through this because he knows you can. I know you can. You survived two attempts... It's a sign that you should live, you're meant to.

Although I'm really sorry about your friends though... What they did shows they weren't real friends. I know moving is hard. How about making some new friends at your school and neighborhood?

Umm also, can you speak to your therapist about how you feel?

You know, maybe a change in your daily life could help you deal with things better?
  • Play Games
  • Watch a new movie
  • Listen to new music
  • Watch TV
  • Play sports
  • Go biking
  • Go for a walk
  • Admire nature
  • Cuddle with pets
  • Try out Photography
  • Go swimming
  • Style your hair in new ways, try new nail polishes, spoil yourself
  • Draw/paint
  • Write new poems
  • Write all your feelings in a journal
  • Do volunteer work

Darling, I want you to know that you're a really special person and I, along with many others love you a lot. You're just... Simply amazing. I'm really sad that you're feeling like this. I hope I helped a bit and I really hope you feel better. I'm here if you need me, hun, only a PM/VM/E-Mail away. Remember that after the storm comes the rainbow.

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:03 PM

Thanks gorgeous

That was 4 years ago... I'm still subjected to bullying... My friends running away from me and me having to catch them....

This depression won't let me go... It's dragging me deeper and deeper and I'm sick of it...

I cut deeply into my wrist... and I wish I had the guts to slice even deeper...

I feel so damn weak right now...

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:07 PM

You're welcome, beautiful.

I am so sorry, hun. Know that the people who bully you, they bully others because of their own problems. It's not because of you. I hope you realize that. You're beautiful.

I think it'd be really great to open up to someone you trust, if not, a therapist or a school counselor.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:14 PM

I ran out of appointments with my therapist... I can't talk to her for a while.... Anyway, she didn't help... My last appointment, she asked how I was, I replied with a shrug of my shoulders and a "meh" and then she spent half my appointment asked for photos of my baby sister and then we left my appointment to buy Tahlia flowers and a card...
She didn't help at all..

Jay.


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A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:15 PM

Sorry to hear. Is there another therapist you can talk to?

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:17 PM

I hate talking to Therapist's and I don't want another one.... My first managed to twist everything I said, the second I didn't have confidentiality with (and I wasn't saying things like self harm nor suicide) and this one thought mum needed more help...

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:30 PM

Sorry. Are there any teachers or counselors at school you can talk to?

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:35 PM

Yeah I do. But I don't go back to school for another 3 days (or another week depending on cyclone damage).

Jay.


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My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:40 PM

jay hun don't think about suicide as Christabel said suicide is not the answer . try occupying your self . and talk to an adult , you know no matter what there are people out there who care for you and dont want to see you go through this cause it hurts them that such a nice and kind and smart girl like you is going through so much . if you ever EVER need someone to talk to you have 2 ways of getting to me

stay strong sis you can do this <3 i am always here for you


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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:43 PM

Well I hope that in 3 days or so, you can talk to them. It's something.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:47 PM

Yeah. My welfare teacher gives me hugs, which is weird but good that she cares about me. She's easy to talk to and knows of my OD. My first one anyway. And then this other guy whom has given me a lot of advice over the years.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:50 PM

That's really good to hear and I'm glad you have that. Hope they can help.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 12:59 PM

Hopefully.

Thanks gorgeous.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 01:49 PM

You're welcome, darling.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 28th 2013, 04:25 PM

Let me tell you a secret ... we don't have snapping points. Sometimes we think we do, but actually, we can bend as far as possible and never snap. We don't break. We have low moments and sure, it can get really hard but it is possible. Tons of other people do it in the world, so what would be so different for you? Nothing. You're a human, you're going to struggle with horrible emotions but you can get through it and nothing or no one, can stop you from beating this, apart from yourself.

Let me tell you another secret. Schools, places, things don't save us. WE save ourselves. Sure, those things can help us to feel better, have better days and shuffle us a long a bit, but at the end of the day, the only person who can save you is you. Why? Because you are the only one in control. You getting this far, isn't down to anyone else, it's all down to you. And that my friend, you should really praise yourself for. It's a HUGE step, it's a huge thing to do, but you've done it and you're still here fighting. You should be really damn proud of yourself for it too!

Of course, having support can be helpful and if you find it helps to come on here and talk to people, then do so. For some people therapy works and that's brilliant. Talking to people face to face can be really helpful. Some other people, find it not so helpful but often find other things beneficial like occupational therapy which helps them to get out more and get involved with things so they aren't so isolated. Or even therapy like DBT where you don't walk about what's going on but learn techniques like mindfulness, distress tolerance etc which can really help. Some people find distractions the most helpful. Basically, we're all individuals which means we all respond differently to different treatments including medication and therapy. It's okay if you don't find "talking therapy" helpful. But look into other things too.

You've come really far and I think you're doing brilliantly. Give yourself credit and keep fighting because you CAN do this okay? And honestly, you are worth it, you are worth the fight.

Hang on in there. <3


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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 29th 2013, 04:09 AM

Thanks so much for the support.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 29th 2013, 04:08 PM

I'm pretty much right where you are now, the feeling of weakness and knowing your past breaking point. Hang in there though, in 3 days you can talk to your welfare teacher and you might find yourself feeling a little better. Depression never seems to let go, it can come and go and take you down when you least expect it - but taking your own life means that people like me, will not benefit from you doing the brave thing of airing your own issues. Trust me, so many people suffer in silence and just reading your post helped me in finding some 'sanity'. Everyone has worth, it's just about finding it. You have great worth to your welfare teacher, she cares and thats evident through the hugs she gives, you have worth to me and everyone who has read this thread. Just hang in there, because I assure you, that you are far from useless. :-)
   
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Re: Bending to Snapping Point... - January 29th 2013, 08:13 PM

Thanks for that, I needed it.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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