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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Name: Nova
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What Do I Do? - January 31st 2013, 03:08 AM

My thoughts about suicide probably started about 3 years ago...back then they were spaced out. I could maybe go 2 or 3 weeks without anything even VAGUELY suicidal entering my thought bubble....and that's normal, right? Everyone THINKS IT.
But, within the last year, the thoughts have started to get closer and closer together though. It's definitely every day, multiple times a day. And it's so damn REAL. The idea of knowing,
"I could do it."
I could reach my Nirvana. Finally earn freedom from all the pain, and the sick external world us defected humans have been cast aside to.
I've tried telling myself that it will get better with time. That's what's always kept me borderline-sane over the years, but I'm starting to realize what total bullshit that is. It's not going to ever get better. Only worse. Because I'm a fucking psycho. And I can't handle regular life. I can't COPE with how things are starting to be for me. I hate it, I hate everything. And most of all, I feel this unnatural hate for MYSELF, and my selfish, "can't just be happy with what you have" thought process. The way I think...I'm just stupid. And I'd be saving myself a lot of predetermined sadness by just getting it over with right away. It's only getting worse. So why not?
I've got much more to say, but my reasons for feeling this way would probably take FOREVER to write. Opofoshno. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this
-Nova
p.s.
You people on this site, the ones with REAL problems, you guys are so much stronger than me. I'm just such a baby. I could never handle these things for as long as some of you have. Psychological pain is the worst pain in the world, right?
   
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Re: What Do I Do? - February 3rd 2013, 07:10 AM

Hi there Nova.
I think you're right, psychological pain is for me the worst pain I've ever experienced, but then again, isn't all pain psychological? Comparisons can't be made between people suffering from depression or depression-like symptoms - I don't believe there are such things as 'real' or 'unreal' problems. It's either a problem, or it's not, and from what you've described, this is obviously a problem. There's no 'freedom' when you die because, in terms of my beliefs, you're dead - you feel nothing. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather feel pain than nothing. It's true, humans are largely disgusting, judgemental beings but that's not to say that we should give up on society. If everyone was to give up, give in to their depression and end their lives, what better would it do for the rest of the world? People commit suicide from being bullied, but that hasn't stopped or really even reduced bullying. Maybe I'm only young and naive and I don't understand what some others have been through, but I know, from my experience that you will get better if you want to. It takes strength, support and a lot of hard work to push forward when everything just seems to be falling backwards, but it's possible. Pain is a given in human life, but it's so worth it when you reach the perfect moments. I know it can get better because I'm getting better, and a few weeks ago, I was just like you, ready to give up and just put an end to the consistent pain. I'm so thankful I didn't though, because living can be amazing, for some of us it just takes a bit of extra effort. If you ever need to talk to someone, PM/VM me. I'll be here for you and support you through this


I could dwell on my problems... But I'd rather make a milkshake...
   
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Re: What Do I Do? - February 3rd 2013, 09:04 AM

you can do this and overcome everything. remember that. any person who says you cant overcome this, really needs to get their head checked. i think that you are an awesome person in your own right, and you can handle everything. just get out there and remember that things will work out slowly, day by day. the kind of progress that matters is slow but sure progress. *hugs* we got your back. and never forget that. you can tell us your reasons for feeling this way.

you can cope with this. hang in there, and we'll always be all ears for when you need someone to support and rant to . we love you lots.
   
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