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It will get better (my story) - February 4th 2013, 10:42 PM


Hello everyone. I've never used any sort of forum like this before so sorry if I did anything wrong. I posted here because I realized I'm dying to confess to SOMEONE that I've been really messing up. And I really don't have anyone I can tell who wouldn't hate me for it. So here I go.

About 2 years ago things got rough. Mom and dad split but still constantly fought and brought my sister and I into it. Through depression and stupidity, i fell to abusing substances. Steroids, alcohol, and ADD medication to name a few. things went on like this for a while, until one day drinking with friends i had far too much. So much that i stayed in a coma for a little over 30 hours. This is when the worst chapter of my life began. Several months later, while visiting my dad, he just snapped and pushed me and my sister around. Trying to defend my sister, me and my father got into a fist fight which ended with me and my sister storming out. That was probably the last time I talked to my dad. We kept in touch kind of, but sadly on March 15th, 2012 I got the worst phone call of my life. While over my friends house my aunt called me, telling me over a cell phone that my father did it. He took his own life. Hearing these words broke me. I dropped my phone and just broke down crying. Initially I thought of our fight and how that was our last memory, and that crushed me. I felt worthless. I felt like it was all my fault. I would only cry by myself, because I knew I had to be strong for my sister and mother who were both crushed as well. Being only 17 at that time it was tough but I held together. It ate away at me of course. But that's when it hit me... I knew everyone was expecting me to break and start doing things again but I didn't. I thought of my future, I focused on the gym. My grades even improved. Everyone in my life showed me pity and I hated that, even though at the same time everyone was proud of me too. Going through all this has made me think of a few things. First, I now know what true strength is. It's the ability to hold together when everyone else expects you to call apart. Secondly, we all go through rough patches. And I know everyone hates hearing "it'll get better", but in all honesty it does. You just have to keep your head up and know its going to get better from here. Almost a year after my fathers death, my life gets a little better with each passing day. To anyone who is going through what feels like the end, just please don't think of the now. Think of your future. Chase your Ambitions!
   
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Re: It will get better (my story) - February 5th 2013, 10:25 AM

Wow...

Darling... I am really really sorry about what you went through... I really am. I can't begin to even imagine how hard it could be. Even though you and your dad fought, remember that he does love you and he won't ever stop loving you. He knows you love him and I can just see that he's gotta be proud of you for holding it together, and thinking of your future. It's really amazing and that shows a lot of strength, never stop chasing after your future. You have a lot of potential.

Don't worry, it's okay to post here! Venting and getting your story out can really help you and I think it's good you're talking about it. Thanks so much for sharing this, it's really inspiring. Stay Strong <3 You are amazing

~ Christabel
   
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