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Fudgeknuckles Offline
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My sick story - February 6th 2013, 04:05 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hello forum, this may be a long read so I apologize. My story starts four years ago when I was 13. I was just an average guy in middle school; that is till my grandma died. I was very close to her and it had a deep impact on me, partly due to my own tendencies to keeping my feelings in. Due to this event in my life it led to my beginning stages of depression. Thereafter I had began to decline in school and mood. Which in all leads to this date. Through the past year I have flushed my life down the drain, through my self destructive tendencies I began using different substances, including tobacco alcohol pot and amphetamines. I feel as though I am at the end of my road, how I can continue going on? I have tried reaching out to my parents and friends only to be rejected and shrugged off, only making the pain grow. Thank god for me I have a saint of a girl in my life who has kept me grounded thus far, but when does the chain she has on me break? I try so hard to find reasons in this world to keep moving forward, I have tried getting help for myself; yet it has only gotten worse. I have to do so much to just fight back the urge to leap into darkness and sleep for eternity, my wrists are often bleeding, my eyes often bloodshot to escape my fate. I just want the pain to end. I have no reason to feel the way I do, I have a pretty good life around me; I just can't enjoy it because of this curse. So my question to you forum, is just any help you can offer? I greatly appreciate any, because I am so done.
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Re: My sick story - February 6th 2013, 10:53 AM

Hey, there! I'm Christabel

I am really sorry about your Grandma, I realize that it could be pretty difficult to deal with seeing how you were close with her. I also see how it can get you really depressed to wanna do all those things. Don't be too hard on yourself. Can you go to her grave, put some flowers there and just sorta talk. Get your feelings out. Your grandma must have loved you a lot, so go on for her.

Think of it like this... You say you feel like it's the end of your road? How about the end of the road in depression. There's many paths. I know how hard it is and this is easier said than done, but to pave the road to recovery from depression, you have to want to help yourself. If your family doesn't listen (I know how that feels), how about talking to a therapist or counselor about this? Or talking with the girl you mentioned? She seems to care and I'm sure she should be there to listen to you and the fact that she cares enough to listen shows she sees potential in you. It shows that she believes you're better than this, because we all are. How about taking baby steps and trying to solve one issue at a time. Open up to the girl, use her as a symbol that you can get better. It's a good motivator when you're doing it for someone. But most importantly, for yourself. Work on little things so you don't get so over-whelmed. Like maybe when you feel sad and wanna do drugs, call her, or remove yourself from wherever you are and go do something positive instead. Go for a walk, grab your favorite snack, anything that doesn't involve hurting yourself in any way. You deserve better.

Since you keep feelings inside... How about writing a letter to the girl you mentioned if it's too hard to say out-loud. Or just in general write down your feelings in a journal, even if they don't make sense. Writing poems or short stories that relate to what you're feeling and things in your life can also help you to express yourself better. Might I also mention that taking up a new hobby or exploring your interests could do you some good to get out of this routine and doing the same things everyday. Like maybe... Draw, paint, watch tv or a movie, read a book, listen to music, play sports, go biking, go on a trip, go to the movies or out to eat. And hey, pets are really wonderful especially when you're depressed. Get a kitten or puppy if you can, it's really great to have a innocent little creature that depends on you. You can hold and cuddle them, such good listeners too. Shows you life was meant to be simple. Nature and wildlife is really beautiful to look at too. Taking up photography in nature is nice too, nature is really beautiful.

I just want you to know that suicide is never the answer. You have a future ahead of you even if you can't see that. I imagine your grandma loved you and that girl you mention'd must care a lot about you. And even when friends and family make it seem obvious they don't care, don't just always assume nobody cares for you because you gotta realize that like yourself, some people find it difficult to express emotions and feelings. You are loved. I don't know you, but from reading this you seem like a good person that deserves happiness. Never give up and go for that destination, it is possible. Know that you have the chance, the future for children, a wife, and a happy life. It's really a shame to throw that away for suicide. It hurts others too. I care about you now, so I just want you to know that you can always send me an E-Mail at purplechristabel@yahoo.com or PM/VM me on here. I'd really love to listen and talk with you whenever you're feeling down or need someone to talk to.

You're worth it,
You're special,
You can do this,
Never give up,
Depression will lose,

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
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Validity Offline
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Re: My sick story - February 6th 2013, 11:02 AM

Hey there mate,

Firstly, let me say I was going to avoid the suicide and depression forum like the plague but your story stuck out.

Okay, depression in it's own is just it's own brand of torture, feeling down every day, like nothing will get better. Well, I have news for you, it WILL and DOES get better. May it be a week, or 5-10 years, it will get better! Everything goes up, and yes, it's true everything comes down but that is only temporary. You just need to pick yourself back up and try again.

Suicide isn't worth it, no matter how bad the pain feels. If you do reach that stage, ring a hotline or an ambulance.

Better yet, why don't you make an appointment with a therapist to talk it out? You don't require parental consent, you can keep it low if that is what you desire.

Don't bury depression under drugs and alcohol, I smoke myself when the pain is considerably bad and it seems hopeless, I would suggest that even if people did shrug you off, you seek help elsewhere, just knowing that you are trying to get help is amazing, give yourself some credit at least
And I'm glad you found this site.

If you ever need to talk, I am around fairly often now

Just, my inbox IS open, same with my email which I really should include in my signature (JayShorrock911@gmail.com) I answer my email day and night and TH I should get on every afternoon my time.

So, let me know if you require somebody to talk to.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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