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-   -   this isn't me.... (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t115650-isnt-me/)

xxprincessxx February 7th 2013 08:29 PM

this isn't me....
all i want to do all day is sleep.
i force myself through everyday life (some days) but i honestly feel like i can't do it anymore.
i can't sit through class, i can't study, i can't focus on my school work.
but i feel like if i miss anymore class, i'm going to fail.
which would mean i would have to drop out of college.
it's my 3rd year, i've worked to hard for all of my dreams to fall apart. :/
the counselor that i see consistently twists my words around and honestly makes me more depressed than i was before my appointment.
only one person on this campus knows that i'm depressed.
and a friend from home.
i have nobody to open up to, and it's getting to the point where i would rather keep things inside.
i don't like being with my friends, because i don't enjoy anything.
but honestly on the outside it's like i'm happy and i'm okay.
i smile, i laugh, i pretend like everything is fine.
just today the one person on campus that knows was like: "you seem to be doing so much better today."
in all honestly, today has been the day that i've felt the worst.
i don't know what to do.
my thoughts are plagued with so many ideas of just giving up.
but what if i fail at that, too?
i'd be kicked out of school and having to sit at home all the time were i'm more depressed.

DeletedAccount17 February 8th 2013 07:40 PM

Re: this isn't me....
Hi, Sammie! Sorry you're feeling this way.

If your therapist isn't exactly helping you, is there another therapist you can go to? Are their any relatives you can talk to? I know you may wanna keep things inside but it's best to talk about them. How about talking to friends about how you're feeling and hang out with them more? They'll know you feel bad and try to cheer you up. It could help you, it's not selfish at all. :) I think it'd be good to talk to some teachers there too, they might can offer some support. When things are going bad, social support can really be positive even if you don't want to.

Try your best to focus on school and remind yourself that you can talk to someone and hang out after you finish your work. Can you try to make your homework a distraction from it?

Hope you feel better. :) I'm here if you need to talk, only a PM/VM away.
Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/b/u/butterfly1plz.gif?1http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/b/u/butterfly2plz.gif?1http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/b/u/butterfly3plz.gif?1http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/b/u/butterfly4plz.gif?1http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/b/u/butterfly5plz.gif?1

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