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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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stephanie1234 Offline
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Exclamation I feel worthless - February 7th 2013, 09:20 PM

I really need help, I feel really depressed and suicidal, not just now but all the time. when i enter a room all i can think of is ways to kill myself using what's availible to me. I've attempted suicide before (my family thought nothing of it) and I keep a packet of pills under my pillow in case I want to kill myself quickly. I have a history of self harm and I constantly ask my family if I can see a councellor but theynever get round to getting me to one. so this website is my last resort, I'm barely coping anymore.
I dont see a purpose in life, I feel like no one would miss me if I'm gone.
reasons as to why I feel so upset are:
-my brother is a transgender (he wants to be my sister) its not like i have anything against it its just it hard watching him begin to wear makeup and bra's and stuff. also he's becoming so girly, i think everyone's forgotten i'm a girl!
-I weigh 8 stone yet my family keep dropping hints that im getting too fat, ive wanted to tell my friends how i feep and ask if they think im fat but i know fatter people so i might sound attention seeking.
anyway, there are more things i should probably say but i feel like a waste of space and like i annoy people with my existance.
please please please help me x
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Thereishope Offline
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Re: I feel worthless - February 7th 2013, 09:29 PM

Hey Stephanie,

You're by no means worthless. Lots of people care about you, even if they may not show it. You can always talk to me if you need anything. Keep your head up, you'll get through this!
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Re: I feel worthless - February 8th 2013, 07:29 PM

Hi, I'm Christabel

Aww darling... I'm so sorry about what's going on and how you're feeling. Suicide is really serious and it's not worth it. I believe if you did go through with it, it'd have an extremely bad impact on those around you, it would catch up with your family and friends. It'd effect them. See, suicide doesn't just hurt you but hurts everyone around you. It's not the answer no matter how bad things are. You seem young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Marriage, children, experiencing life away from home, meeting new people, trying new things, having a career. It's just not worth throwing all that away. Life has a lot to offer sometimes. Every time we go through something hard, not giving up makes us stronger. Sometimes we fall, but we always rise if we don't give up on our life. Things do get better, and I know at least someone in your life cares a lot about you, so don't ever forget that, hun. Some people find it hard to express their true feelings towards someone and show bitterness even though they don't feel it. I do that in real life.

I'm really sorry your parents don't think much of it apparently... I know how that type of ignorance can make you feel. Everyone should have a social support system because it goes a long way. Please be proud of yourself for wanting help and asking for it, that means so much and is a huge step towards recovery. Can you talk to your friends or school counselor or teacher about how you're feeling? Or sit your family down and make sure they listen to your thoughts and feelings? Do you have relatives you can talk to? Have you tried calling a hotline? Recovery on little things can also be a big step towards recovery. Self-Harm causes more negativity than it helps. I know it can be relief but it's only temporary and causes scars. It's not worth it, I know how hard it can be to give it up, but when you can bring yourself to do that and go through the days without self-harm I think you'll begin to realize living without self-harm is better. Everytime you self-harm it may help, but then the scars and marks make you feel bad about yourself which makes you wanna do it more and it turns into a vicious addictive cycle. You seem like a sweet person and you definitely don't deserve to have to hurt yourself. Here's a link that may help you: Self-Harm Alternatives

I have to mention, hinting that someone is "getting fat" is really cruel and can really effect self-esteem. Please don't listen to them, you're more than your looks and no matter what weight you are, you are a beautiful person inside and out, don't you forget that. By the way, I'm sorry about how you're feeling about your brother. I can see how it could be hard for you and such a change. I also have a bit of knowledge that becoming trans-gender can be difficult and confusing on the person, so maybe talk to him and offer support? That's a purpose. Being there for your sibling through thick and thin. He won't forget that.

Put paper around your room and in stuff you use with positive statements like: "You're beautiful", "You matter", "Stay Strong", "Never give up", "You're loved", "You're lovely", that way you can remind yourself and know that's the truth, in every thing you do in a day. Remind yourself that you're so much stronger than all the stuff you're going through and later in life, all these things will have made you so much stronger and much more equipped to deal with things properly later in life. Make a list on a piece of paper, with the positives in a list at the top, and a list of all the negatives at the bottom and rip it in half, then rip up all the negatives, scribble over the negatives and keep the positives in a place where only you know where they are. Then on a bad day, go back in the past a bit and see the list of all the good things that have happened and think back at good memories, then see the scribbled over negatives you got past and be proud of yourself that you're smiling right now.

Recovery can only happen if you choose to wanna be happy and recover, only you can change your life and decide to see positive things. It's a smart choice but a long road, but you gotta remember that at the end of that road everything is so worth it. You can be happy, it is possible. So ask yourself; Do you wanna improve yourself?

I think another thing that could help is doing some new things and changing up your everyday routine. Plus, I gotta say that sunlight is helpful and induces a natural positive emotion chemical in your brain, so getting sunlight is good. Some new things help:
  • Go biking
  • Go swimming
  • Go for a walk
  • Go to the movies with friends
  • Hang out at a friends house
  • Play board games with friends
  • Play Sports
  • Join a club at school
  • Play Games
  • Watch TV
  • Watch a Movie
  • Listen to Music
  • Draw
  • Paint
  • Collect butterflies and take care of them in an aquarium and release them after a couple days
  • Catch frogs
  • Cuddle with pets
  • Watch sunsets and sunrises
  • Look at the beautiful nature around you
  • Try out photography
  • Take up knitting/beading
  • Write all your feelings in a notebook or journal, even if they make no sense
  • Write a poem or short story that relates to your feelings
  • Take a nice warm bath
  • Treat yourself to something you like

I hope I helped a bit... Remember, you're special, you're worth it, you're beautiful. Please know that you're on this earth for a reason and you're unique and special, you have a purpose even if you haven't found it yet. I believe you can get through this. You are not alone, you can PM/VM me anytime if you need to talk, my E-Mail is purplechristabel@yahoo.com Things can better even if you don't believe that. Please hang in there.

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
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