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Exclamation Definition of insanity. my breakingpoint. (please everyone read) - February 10th 2013, 05:29 PM

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Definition of insanity.
"Insanity is doing the exact... same fucking thing... over and over again expecting... shit to change..." I wake up in the morning. (most nights I dont sleep because I feel there is no point and if I do I wake up at around 3. Ill get to that later) I wake up. Get dressed watch tv, maybe listen to music. Go upstairs once in a while sometimes for an hour sometimes for 2 minutes and go back downstairs to my room...... my lonely dark room. I wait till dinner then come back downstairs...... there I stay for the rest of the night I either go to sleep or sit in my chair all night and rinse and repeat...... that to me is insanity. This has not been for all my life, no it all started 4 months ago.I lived in a small town. I was, I could say very popular. I knew everyone I loved to hang out with friends I was outgoing and was always wanting to have fun, enjoy my teen years.... my step dad had gotten a job offer he couldnt refuse so we had to move. We arrive in a big house, a nice, really great looking house I have no idea how we could afford in a wealthy neighborhood. I thought things could turn out alright.I was inrolled into the local highschool. Compared to my small town this school was massive and full of kids. I was open to it and it seemed great. My first day of school I am wearing my good clothes have a great attitude. Im there...... in class...... talking to people things are fine. I wasnt suprised I spent lunch alone that day. Till the next day I was alone.... then the next...... and the next..... the next.... and the next..... I didnt get it. To this day I dont get it. I talked to kids in class. It was fine I joined a after school program. Sure I could have tried harder and stuck with it but aftrr 2 months of sitting in that fuxking library doing that homework watching everyone happy me sitting at that table...... no normal person could go through that.... no one should have to go through that. I stopped going to school. I walked those halls alone, going to class alone fucking doing everything on my own and I couldnt handle it. Ive been in isolation for about 3 weeks. I talk to my parents but I dont wannt there help. Not anymore. I tried counciling I dont want there help I dont want anyones help. I cry and feel nothing no emotion ive been living with a mask all mylife. These last 4 months have been just the tip of the ice burg. My whole life has just been hell. From being poor living in the fucking ghetto. From being in the cat while your dad is buying coke to feed his on going addiction to dealing with all my fucked uo problems these last 4 months...... have been my breaking point.....

I dont ecoect anyone to help me with this. I dont even know why im writing this. I bet the end result wont even make sense to most, hell I cant even make sense of it anymore...... im alone...... and I just want people to know that......

Is this life worth living for if all your living for is nothing?
Im starting to think not.
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Re: Definition of insanity. my breakingpoint. (please everyone read) - February 10th 2013, 05:32 PM

If you think youd be willing to talk please pm me. All I want is someone to talk too
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